This is the video of Crawford Loritts' sermon from the recent Conference for Pastors at Bethlehem Baptist Church in Minneapolis. I appreciated his insights on the topic of fatherhood.
Showing posts with label Manhood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Manhood. Show all posts
Friday, February 10, 2012
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
What Robs Men of Courage?
Last month, I reviewed Stepping Up: A Call to Courageous Manhood by Dennis Rainey. This is a link to an article by Dennis Rainey based on a portion of the book:
What Robs Men of Courage? - FamilyLife.com
Thursday, April 07, 2011
Stepping Up: A Call to Courageous Manhood
In his latest book, Dennis Rainey writes, "I believe there's something in the chest of a man that responds in a unique way to stories of courage. There's a piece of every man's heart that longs to be courageous, to be bold and gutsy and etch a masculine mark of bravery on the human landscape. In our hearts, we know that a part of the core of true manhood is courage" (page 5).
Stepping Up: A Call to Courageous Manhood contains many stories of courage to inspire a man's heart. From reciting tales of physical courage to feats of moral courage, Dennis Rainey demonstrates what it means to be a man through five stages of a man's life. In this book, he acknowledges the identity crisis that many men in our culture face due to poor training from fathers who were either silent, or missing, or who provided inappropriate advice and examples to their sons as their boys were growing up. But he meets men where they are and gives them the guidance and encouragement they need in order to take the next steps toward fulfilling their duties as men in their families and communities. Rather than approaching the subject in a condemning manner, Mr. Rainey seeks to instill the courage men need to take responsibility and initiative.
He outlines five stages in a man's life:
1. Boyhood: a time of adventure and exploration in which a boy needs guidance from responsible fathers and other men in his life. He needs to learn to differentiate wisdom from foolishness and how to love others. He needs to understand his spiritual identity, his sexual identity, and his purpose in life. As the author explains, "One of my favorite passages about children in the Scriptures is found in Psalm 127: 'Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them' (verses 4-5, NASB). This is powerful imagery. Think about what an arrow is created to do. Was it designed to stay in the quiver, comfortable and protected? No, it was made to be aimed and shot by a warrior at a target, to deliver a blow in battle. Can you see the connection? Boys need to understand that they are not here on earth just to achieve worldly success and comfort. They're here to strike a blow against evil, to make a mark on their world. Just like you. After all, dads are arrows too" (page 47).
2. Adolescence: a time of further training as a boy transitions into manhood. This is when a boy needs to start the process of thinking like a man. "They need help assassinating selfishness and pride...They need to learn and apply fundamental convictions and character qualities to real-life issues" (pages 78-79).
3. Manhood: a time in which a man takes the initiative and steps up to protect those in his care. Primarily, he protects his family, but he also takes responsibility to protect his community from evil. He does this physically, of course, by locking the doors of his home at night and holding his small child's hand while crossing the street. But that is rather easy. It gets more challenging when he seeks to protect his marriage by meeting the needs of his wife, when he seeks to instruct his children in the moral choices they face among their peers, when he stands up against unethical business practices on his job, or when he challenges his children's peers to treat each other with dignity. This is a time for courage to be displayed with wisdom.
4. Mentor: a time in which an experienced man teaches younger and less experienced men how to meet the challenges they face every day. He shares his successes and failures. He intentionally connects with younger men who want to approach life with more wisdom than they possess. He guides them in their quest to be the men God intended them to be. "A mentor purposefully builds life lessons into those he mentors," Dennis Rainey writes. "As you consider being a mentor, think through what makes life work for you--at work, at home, and in your relationship with Christ. What have you learned about the following?
*handling pressure and balancing the pace of life
*working with people
*building and keeping friendships with other men
*investing in your marriage
*resolving conflict
*facing unexpected crises or tragedy
*managing your finances
*developing a real relationship with God
*reading, understanding, and applying the Scriptures
*raising your children
*developing the type of character needed to succeed at work
*growing through failure" (page 147).
5. Patriarch: a time in which a man moves from the role of an authority figure to the role of a dignified older man who leads and impacts his world through the intentional good influence of his life. He keeps the extended family together. He connects with his adult children, their spouses, his grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. He refrains from exercising authority over the lives of his adult children--after all, they are leading their own families now--but he is always available to give wise counsel when asked. His priority is to have a positive influence on his extended family; and he spends much time in prayer for the future of his family. He works at leaving a good and godly legacy for his family and community.
Stepping Up: A Call to Courageous Manhood is an excellent book. I can highly recommend it for any man who wants some encouragement and guidance toward being a good man. I purchased the book from FamilyLife. It can be ordered at www.shopfamilylife.com/stepping-up.html or by calling 1-800-FLTODAY.
"Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love" (1 Corinthians 16:13-14).
Saturday, October 02, 2010
Gianna Jessen's Challenge
Gianna Jessen survived an abortion as a baby. Because of the attempted abortion, she lives with cerebral palsy today. In this video, she tells her story and issues a challenge to protect the weak among us. (Gianna is speaking in English, but the subtitles are in a language unfamiliar to me.)
"If you falter in times of trouble,
how small is your strength!
Rescue those being led away to death;
hold back those staggering toward slaughter.
If you say, 'But we knew nothing about this,'
does not he who weighs the heart perceive it?
Does not he who guards your life know it?
Will he not repay each person according to what he has done?" (Proverbs 24:10-12, NIV).
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
What is a Man?
From The Atlantic to Newsweek, popular American magazines have been focusing on the definition of manhood this summer. It's a subject worthy of consideration, especially for parents of boys.
What is a man?
Maleness is determined at conception. When the egg and sperm cells combine, the mother contributes an X chromosome; the father contributes either an X or a Y chromosome. If the father contributes an X chromosome, the baby is female. If the father contributes a Y chromosome, the baby is male. Nothing changes after conception. A person with X and Y chromosomes is a male for his entire life.
Of course, a male may or may not develop into a man. It takes more (but not less) than X and Y chromosomes to become a man.
A man accepts responsibility. He accepts responsibility for himself and those under his care. He will take care of his family. "But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever" (1 Timothy 5:8). He will do his work so that he can provide for his family and for those in need in his community. "Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need" (Ephesians 4:28). He will love his wife. "However, let each one of you love his wife as himself..." (Ephesians 5:33). He will discipline and teach his children. "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4).
A man takes initiative. When he sees a problem, he works toward a solution. He does not merely complain. He is not passive. He tries to help. When Boaz discovered that the widowed Ruth and her mother-in-law were in need, he took the initiative to make sure that they would have enough to eat and that his employees would not abuse a vulnerable widow (Ruth 2). Ultimately, Boaz married Ruth.
A man shows courage. When the giant Philistine Goliath challenged the army of Israel, the young shepherd David stepped up to the responsibility to repel the threat to his people. He took initiative. He saw Goliath as both a physical threat and a theological threat to the people of God. With faith in the Lord and courage in his heart, he attacked Goliath (1 Samuel 17). A man will show courage when the people whom he loves are threatened. It may be by killing a snake in the backyard; or it may be by challenging a religious leader who is telling the church that the Bible cannot be trusted, that faith in Christ is unnecessary, or that God does not know the future. Whether the threat is physical or theological, a man will do what he can to protect the people he loves.
Men are different from each other. Some men play football; some men play the piano. Some men are boisterous; some men are quiet. Some men enjoy physical challenges; some men enjoy intellectual challenges. But those attributes are unrelated to manhood. At the core, a boy needs to develop a sense of responsibility, initiative, and courage in order to become a man.
"Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love" (1 Corinthians 16:13-14).
What is a man?
Maleness is determined at conception. When the egg and sperm cells combine, the mother contributes an X chromosome; the father contributes either an X or a Y chromosome. If the father contributes an X chromosome, the baby is female. If the father contributes a Y chromosome, the baby is male. Nothing changes after conception. A person with X and Y chromosomes is a male for his entire life.
Of course, a male may or may not develop into a man. It takes more (but not less) than X and Y chromosomes to become a man.
A man accepts responsibility. He accepts responsibility for himself and those under his care. He will take care of his family. "But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever" (1 Timothy 5:8). He will do his work so that he can provide for his family and for those in need in his community. "Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need" (Ephesians 4:28). He will love his wife. "However, let each one of you love his wife as himself..." (Ephesians 5:33). He will discipline and teach his children. "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4).
A man takes initiative. When he sees a problem, he works toward a solution. He does not merely complain. He is not passive. He tries to help. When Boaz discovered that the widowed Ruth and her mother-in-law were in need, he took the initiative to make sure that they would have enough to eat and that his employees would not abuse a vulnerable widow (Ruth 2). Ultimately, Boaz married Ruth.
A man shows courage. When the giant Philistine Goliath challenged the army of Israel, the young shepherd David stepped up to the responsibility to repel the threat to his people. He took initiative. He saw Goliath as both a physical threat and a theological threat to the people of God. With faith in the Lord and courage in his heart, he attacked Goliath (1 Samuel 17). A man will show courage when the people whom he loves are threatened. It may be by killing a snake in the backyard; or it may be by challenging a religious leader who is telling the church that the Bible cannot be trusted, that faith in Christ is unnecessary, or that God does not know the future. Whether the threat is physical or theological, a man will do what he can to protect the people he loves.
Men are different from each other. Some men play football; some men play the piano. Some men are boisterous; some men are quiet. Some men enjoy physical challenges; some men enjoy intellectual challenges. But those attributes are unrelated to manhood. At the core, a boy needs to develop a sense of responsibility, initiative, and courage in order to become a man.
"Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love" (1 Corinthians 16:13-14).
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
The Appeal of the New Calvinism
A year ago, TIME Magazine recognized the new Calvinism as one of the top ten ideas shaping the world (www.time.com/time/specials/packages/article/0,28804,1884779_1884782_1884760,00.html).
Why are the new Calvinists making such an impact on the world?
1. New Calvinists embrace the view of a powerful God. They understand God to be all-knowing and all-powerful. He is a God who is not surprised. He is a God who is in control. He is a God who can be trusted when one is facing trouble beyond his own control. We may be surprised at a job loss or a diagnosis of cancer, but God is not. We may not be able to handle our problems, but God is. When everything goes wrong in our lives, we can trust the One in control to do the right thing (even when it is the hard thing).
2. New Calvinists embrace the view of a flawed humanity. They understand that people are sinners. They know that people need a Savior, because although we may not be as bad as we could be, we are nowhere near as good as we need to be. We have been tainted with a pride and selfishness that ruins our hopes of being who we know we should be.
3. New Calvinists embrace the reality of sin and its consequences. They understand that they are sinners deserving of hell and undeserving of heaven.
4. New Calvinists embrace the need for God's grace in Christ. They understand that their only hope is in what Jesus Christ did for them on the cross. They know that Christ died in their place, taking on their sins and appeasing the wrath of God, so that they may live in a right relationship with God forever.
5. New Calvinists embrace the Scriptures as God's inerrant word. They understand that the Bible is trustworthy because God is trustworthy. Since the Lord is neither incompetent nor dishonest, they know that they can trust his message to them.
6. New Calvinists embrace the distinctions between men and women. They understand that God created all people in his image, but that he made men and women to complement each other. In an age of gender confusion, they acknowledge that men and women are different and that such differences are good and healthy.
7. New Calvinists embrace the glory of God. They are obsessed with bringing glory to God rather than to themselves.
The new Calvinists are counter-cultural, but culturally engaged; and in many ways, their counter-cultural views make them more appealing in the culture. They offer something solid and stable to a generation without much stability.
Why are the new Calvinists making such an impact on the world?
1. New Calvinists embrace the view of a powerful God. They understand God to be all-knowing and all-powerful. He is a God who is not surprised. He is a God who is in control. He is a God who can be trusted when one is facing trouble beyond his own control. We may be surprised at a job loss or a diagnosis of cancer, but God is not. We may not be able to handle our problems, but God is. When everything goes wrong in our lives, we can trust the One in control to do the right thing (even when it is the hard thing).
2. New Calvinists embrace the view of a flawed humanity. They understand that people are sinners. They know that people need a Savior, because although we may not be as bad as we could be, we are nowhere near as good as we need to be. We have been tainted with a pride and selfishness that ruins our hopes of being who we know we should be.
3. New Calvinists embrace the reality of sin and its consequences. They understand that they are sinners deserving of hell and undeserving of heaven.
4. New Calvinists embrace the need for God's grace in Christ. They understand that their only hope is in what Jesus Christ did for them on the cross. They know that Christ died in their place, taking on their sins and appeasing the wrath of God, so that they may live in a right relationship with God forever.
5. New Calvinists embrace the Scriptures as God's inerrant word. They understand that the Bible is trustworthy because God is trustworthy. Since the Lord is neither incompetent nor dishonest, they know that they can trust his message to them.
6. New Calvinists embrace the distinctions between men and women. They understand that God created all people in his image, but that he made men and women to complement each other. In an age of gender confusion, they acknowledge that men and women are different and that such differences are good and healthy.
7. New Calvinists embrace the glory of God. They are obsessed with bringing glory to God rather than to themselves.
The new Calvinists are counter-cultural, but culturally engaged; and in many ways, their counter-cultural views make them more appealing in the culture. They offer something solid and stable to a generation without much stability.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
A Respectable and Godly Man
A few weeks ago, I heard someone mention that Proverbs 31 is the text commonly used when one teaches about the qualities of a godly woman, and that Job 29 should be the text commonly used when one teaches about the qualities of a godly man. I don't remember who made that point, but it was a good one.
Job 29 describes the characteristics of a man who received high praise from God himself. The Lord said of Job, "(T)here is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, who fears God and turns away from evil" (Job 1:8).
What would prompt God to say such a thing about a man? Consider Job's description of his life at the time the Lord made those comments:
"...I delivered the poor who cried out for help,
and the fatherless who had none to help him.
The blessing of him who was about to perish came upon me,
and I caused the widow's heart to sing for joy.
I put on righteousness, and it clothed me;
my justice was like a robe and a turban.
I was eyes to the blind
and feet to the lame.
I was a father to the needy,
and I searched out the cause of him whom I did not know.
I broke the fangs of the unrighteous
and made him drop his prey from his teeth...
Men listened to me and waited
and kept silence for my counsel.
After I spoke they did not speak again,
and my word dropped upon them.
They waited for me as for the rain,
and they opened their mouths as for the spring rain.
I smiled on them when they had no confidence,
and the light of my face they did not cast down" (Job 29:12-17, 21-24).
Job cared about the poor, the orphans, and the widows. He helped and encouraged the oppressed. He was consumed with pursuing a right relationship with God and with those around him. He aided the disabled, and actively sought out those who needed his help. He did not back down from a fight against those who would take advantage of others. He was a formidable foe to those who would harm the innocent and the vulnerable. When he spoke, his words were simultaneously weighty and encouraging.
In many ways, Job (like Christ himself) is the model of biblical manhood. The world needs more men like Job.
My goal is to be more like him, too.
Job 29 describes the characteristics of a man who received high praise from God himself. The Lord said of Job, "(T)here is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, who fears God and turns away from evil" (Job 1:8).
What would prompt God to say such a thing about a man? Consider Job's description of his life at the time the Lord made those comments:
"...I delivered the poor who cried out for help,
and the fatherless who had none to help him.
The blessing of him who was about to perish came upon me,
and I caused the widow's heart to sing for joy.
I put on righteousness, and it clothed me;
my justice was like a robe and a turban.
I was eyes to the blind
and feet to the lame.
I was a father to the needy,
and I searched out the cause of him whom I did not know.
I broke the fangs of the unrighteous
and made him drop his prey from his teeth...
Men listened to me and waited
and kept silence for my counsel.
After I spoke they did not speak again,
and my word dropped upon them.
They waited for me as for the rain,
and they opened their mouths as for the spring rain.
I smiled on them when they had no confidence,
and the light of my face they did not cast down" (Job 29:12-17, 21-24).
Job cared about the poor, the orphans, and the widows. He helped and encouraged the oppressed. He was consumed with pursuing a right relationship with God and with those around him. He aided the disabled, and actively sought out those who needed his help. He did not back down from a fight against those who would take advantage of others. He was a formidable foe to those who would harm the innocent and the vulnerable. When he spoke, his words were simultaneously weighty and encouraging.
In many ways, Job (like Christ himself) is the model of biblical manhood. The world needs more men like Job.
My goal is to be more like him, too.
Tuesday, February 02, 2010
A Woman's View of Husbands and Football
I received the following e-mail from Barbara Rainey of FamilyLife yesterday. Since it was an e-mail, I'm not sure whether it is on the web site, but you may find other good material at www.familylife.com.
"While watching some of the recent National Football League wild card and championship games with my husband, I asked him about some of the finer points of the game.
"I understand the basics of scoring and the role of key players like the quarterback, but how do they determine where field goals are kicked, how does the wild card system work, and what is the backfield, anyway? Last weekend during the AFC/NFC championship games I finally learned what the secondary is. He likes it that I'm asking questions. By the way, to Indy!
"Then I began pondering another question.
"What is the draw of football for men?
"When I asked him, my husband said it's the competition, the physicality, and the aggressiveness of the game. It sounded so brutal. Not at all what I expected him to say.
"Thinking further I understand what he meant and as a result I have a few more theories as to why men love football.
"Like the relentless pounding of surf on the beach, football keeps coming back. Every year. It's as predictable as seasonal changes. At the same time every year. It's something we can count on no matter what happens in the economy or who is living in the White House.
"I think the fact that the game has a myriad of rules is part of its appeal. Loyal followers know the rules, understand why the rules are there, and count on them being enforced fairly. The rules change very little from year to year which brings continuity to the game.
"When a foul is called, one team may feel it was unfair but within a matter of minutes or less, it is accepted and the game continues. No lawsuits in federal courts, no changing of the rules so the offending team gets off the hook, no recount of votes, and rarely any fights or scandalous accusations. The players understand the rules and play by the rules. Done.
"And because the rules are followed, the games finish in a reasonable time frame. And most importantly there is always a clear winner and loser. No one worries about the feelings of the losing team. It's what they signed up for and it's part of the game.
"Our men who love the sport love that sure outcome because most of life is not so clearly defined. Men today are confused about their roles as men. They are built to be competitive, to aggressively protect (not the quarterback, but their families and communities and country), but they live in a world so conscious of being offensive, so fearful of being sued that they are constantly worried that they will be held back. A holding penalty is when a player literally grabs an opponent and holds him so he can't do his job. And a lot of men today feel that way--they're being held back.
"To be sure, there are plenty of unsavory aspects to the game, but in balance the good outweighs the bad. In this confusing, shifting world of ours the predictable sport of football gives our men a respite--a place to watch men exercise their God-given aggressive, physical, and competitive natures with self-control under the watchful eye of a higher authority--the coaches and refs.
"They love watching men be men. It's a microcosm of what the world should be like.
"I think its why I like football, too."
"While watching some of the recent National Football League wild card and championship games with my husband, I asked him about some of the finer points of the game.
"I understand the basics of scoring and the role of key players like the quarterback, but how do they determine where field goals are kicked, how does the wild card system work, and what is the backfield, anyway? Last weekend during the AFC/NFC championship games I finally learned what the secondary is. He likes it that I'm asking questions. By the way, to Indy!
"Then I began pondering another question.
"What is the draw of football for men?
"When I asked him, my husband said it's the competition, the physicality, and the aggressiveness of the game. It sounded so brutal. Not at all what I expected him to say.
"Thinking further I understand what he meant and as a result I have a few more theories as to why men love football.
"Like the relentless pounding of surf on the beach, football keeps coming back. Every year. It's as predictable as seasonal changes. At the same time every year. It's something we can count on no matter what happens in the economy or who is living in the White House.
"I think the fact that the game has a myriad of rules is part of its appeal. Loyal followers know the rules, understand why the rules are there, and count on them being enforced fairly. The rules change very little from year to year which brings continuity to the game.
"When a foul is called, one team may feel it was unfair but within a matter of minutes or less, it is accepted and the game continues. No lawsuits in federal courts, no changing of the rules so the offending team gets off the hook, no recount of votes, and rarely any fights or scandalous accusations. The players understand the rules and play by the rules. Done.
"And because the rules are followed, the games finish in a reasonable time frame. And most importantly there is always a clear winner and loser. No one worries about the feelings of the losing team. It's what they signed up for and it's part of the game.
"Our men who love the sport love that sure outcome because most of life is not so clearly defined. Men today are confused about their roles as men. They are built to be competitive, to aggressively protect (not the quarterback, but their families and communities and country), but they live in a world so conscious of being offensive, so fearful of being sued that they are constantly worried that they will be held back. A holding penalty is when a player literally grabs an opponent and holds him so he can't do his job. And a lot of men today feel that way--they're being held back.
"To be sure, there are plenty of unsavory aspects to the game, but in balance the good outweighs the bad. In this confusing, shifting world of ours the predictable sport of football gives our men a respite--a place to watch men exercise their God-given aggressive, physical, and competitive natures with self-control under the watchful eye of a higher authority--the coaches and refs.
"They love watching men be men. It's a microcosm of what the world should be like.
"I think its why I like football, too."
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Adoption and Manhood
Last week, I read a great post about adopting children even when you already have biological children. It may be found at www.cbmw.org/Blog/Posts/Don-t-You-Already-Have-Kids-Adding-to-Your-Existing-Family-Through-Adoption. I have made most of the same points before on my blog, but the author presented one that I had not considered:
"We are committed to biblical manhood. Men are called to lead, provide, and protect (Gen. 1-2, Eph. 5, 1 Kings 2:1-9, 1 Pet. 3, Col. 3). This is a fundamental teaching of the Bible and it does not merely pertain to the four walls of one's home. Men should be looking for those who need protection and provision. There are fatherless children all over the world. Every year I meet women who are burdened for adoption but their husbands won't budge. It's usually something about retirement, college costs, or they are finally able to afford that boat they always wanted. In our home, the men lead and sacrificially give of themselves for the good of others."
After reading that paragraph, I was reminded of Job, a good man in the Bible who "delivered the poor who cried for help, and the fatherless who had none to help him...(who) was a father to the needy, and (who) searched out the cause of him whom (he) did not know" (Job 29:12, 16). His example is worthy of imitation.
"We are committed to biblical manhood. Men are called to lead, provide, and protect (Gen. 1-2, Eph. 5, 1 Kings 2:1-9, 1 Pet. 3, Col. 3). This is a fundamental teaching of the Bible and it does not merely pertain to the four walls of one's home. Men should be looking for those who need protection and provision. There are fatherless children all over the world. Every year I meet women who are burdened for adoption but their husbands won't budge. It's usually something about retirement, college costs, or they are finally able to afford that boat they always wanted. In our home, the men lead and sacrificially give of themselves for the good of others."
After reading that paragraph, I was reminded of Job, a good man in the Bible who "delivered the poor who cried for help, and the fatherless who had none to help him...(who) was a father to the needy, and (who) searched out the cause of him whom (he) did not know" (Job 29:12, 16). His example is worthy of imitation.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Helping Girls by Helping Boys
I have been thinking about boys and girls in the church this week.
It started when Christopher came home from a weekend with his Grammie. In addition to stories about his train ride and fishing adventures, he told me about his great class at the First Christian Church in Fairland, Oklahoma. He had seen a video in his class in which he saw snakes, guns, and bombs. He loved it! A couple of months ago, when we visited the congregation, he loved participating as a soldier in the re-enactment of Christ's arrest. I thought, Someone in this church really knows how to appeal to little boys.
Later in the week, I read an article in Christianity Today which can be found at www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2009/august/16.22.html. One paragraph caught my attention:
"The ratio of devoutly Christian young women to men is far from even. Among evangelical churchgoers, there are about three single women for every two single men. This is the elephant in the corner of almost every congregation--a shortage of young Christian men."
It occurred to me that if churches and Christian parents could develop their boys into strong and good Christian young men, they would be doing their girls a huge favor. They would be developing a good pool of potential Christian husbands for their young Christian women.
This could mean some churches will need to change their emphasis (especially in children's classes and youth groups). When teaching about Jesus, they may need to recognize that Christ possesses some often-overlooked rugged personal qualities that appeal to boys (and men). In addition to recognizing Jesus' love and kindness, teachers should recognize his courage, conviction, determination, bluntness, and strength of character. In addition to singing "girly songs" (as Christopher calls them), churches could sing a few songs about God being powerful and Christians being strong in a spiritual battle for the souls of the people we love. Boys and men could be encouraged to be responsible, to take initiative, to protect the weak, and to challenge injustices around them (like bullying or abuse). These types of things have a particular appeal to men and boys, and they are completely Christ-like and biblical.
When churches recognize that boys have different needs than girls, they will be able to attract, retain, and develop boys. They will be able to increase the number of solid, godly men for their young women to marry someday. They will be doing a favor for every girl who would have settled for something less otherwise.
It started when Christopher came home from a weekend with his Grammie. In addition to stories about his train ride and fishing adventures, he told me about his great class at the First Christian Church in Fairland, Oklahoma. He had seen a video in his class in which he saw snakes, guns, and bombs. He loved it! A couple of months ago, when we visited the congregation, he loved participating as a soldier in the re-enactment of Christ's arrest. I thought, Someone in this church really knows how to appeal to little boys.
Later in the week, I read an article in Christianity Today which can be found at www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2009/august/16.22.html. One paragraph caught my attention:
"The ratio of devoutly Christian young women to men is far from even. Among evangelical churchgoers, there are about three single women for every two single men. This is the elephant in the corner of almost every congregation--a shortage of young Christian men."
It occurred to me that if churches and Christian parents could develop their boys into strong and good Christian young men, they would be doing their girls a huge favor. They would be developing a good pool of potential Christian husbands for their young Christian women.
This could mean some churches will need to change their emphasis (especially in children's classes and youth groups). When teaching about Jesus, they may need to recognize that Christ possesses some often-overlooked rugged personal qualities that appeal to boys (and men). In addition to recognizing Jesus' love and kindness, teachers should recognize his courage, conviction, determination, bluntness, and strength of character. In addition to singing "girly songs" (as Christopher calls them), churches could sing a few songs about God being powerful and Christians being strong in a spiritual battle for the souls of the people we love. Boys and men could be encouraged to be responsible, to take initiative, to protect the weak, and to challenge injustices around them (like bullying or abuse). These types of things have a particular appeal to men and boys, and they are completely Christ-like and biblical.
When churches recognize that boys have different needs than girls, they will be able to attract, retain, and develop boys. They will be able to increase the number of solid, godly men for their young women to marry someday. They will be doing a favor for every girl who would have settled for something less otherwise.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Important Reading Material
Here are a few links to important reading material on the Internet:
At http://relit.org/pastordad/toc.php, you will find a new free e-book (Pastor Dad) by Mark Driscoll. He encourages fathers to be the kind of fathers they should be.
Anthony Bradley tackles the tough topic of why children raised in Christian families walk away from the faith at http://online.worldmag.com/2009/07/15/from-youth-group-to-agnosticism-part-i/ and http://online.worldmag.com/2009/07/22/from-youth-group-to-agnosticism-part-2/. Christian parents will be especially interested in this topic.
At www.theresurgence.com/series/Masculinity_Reclaimed, Joel Virgo helps churches that want to reach men and help them to develop into the men that God wants them to be. (Start at the bottom of the page and scroll up on this one.)
Finally, Albert Mohler shows how the rejection of the doctrine of biblical inerrancy leads one to reject other biblical teachings at www.albertmohler.com/blog_read.php?id=4140.
At http://relit.org/pastordad/toc.php, you will find a new free e-book (Pastor Dad) by Mark Driscoll. He encourages fathers to be the kind of fathers they should be.
Anthony Bradley tackles the tough topic of why children raised in Christian families walk away from the faith at http://online.worldmag.com/2009/07/15/from-youth-group-to-agnosticism-part-i/ and http://online.worldmag.com/2009/07/22/from-youth-group-to-agnosticism-part-2/. Christian parents will be especially interested in this topic.
At www.theresurgence.com/series/Masculinity_Reclaimed, Joel Virgo helps churches that want to reach men and help them to develop into the men that God wants them to be. (Start at the bottom of the page and scroll up on this one.)
Finally, Albert Mohler shows how the rejection of the doctrine of biblical inerrancy leads one to reject other biblical teachings at www.albertmohler.com/blog_read.php?id=4140.
Sunday, April 05, 2009
Uncommon
Former Indianapolis Colts head coach Tony Dungy is concerned about men in our society who have lost their way, who have never learned what it means to be men. Working with young men in prison, Coach Dungy knows that men need biblically-based guidance and encouragement.
In his new book, Uncommon: Finding Your Path to Significance, Tony Dungy offers much needed guidance and encouragement. In short and easy-to-read chapters, Coach Dungy promotes values like honesty, humility, courage, respect for authority, sexual integrity, and faith in Christ. In other chapters, he offers wise advice on how to treat a woman, how to be a good father, friendship, education, alcohol and drugs, careers, and following your dreams.
In a section focusing on our influence in the lives of others, Mr. Dungy wrote,
"You have multiple platforms from which to impact the world...Growing up, I was mesmerized by the talk that went on inside my local barbershop. I usually went in on Fridays before my games, and in addition to listening to the other guys talk in the shop, I always enjoyed talking to my barber, Mr. Hampton. Mr. Hampton would always wish me well in that night's game and talk with me about school and girls and whatever else was going on in my life. He may not have called it a platform, but he certainly recognized the impact he could have on the men, especially the young men who came in thinking they were just getting a haircut. We always left with so much more.
"...Remember--you stand where no one else stands. Sometimes it's behind a barber's chair. Sometimes it's on the field. Sometimes it's across the dinner table. You may never know the impact you're having on someone who's looking up to you because of your character, your life's work, your family life, or maybe just because of your friendship. People respect you, believe in you, and trust you. In those cases, and others that will come, you have a platform of importance in the lives of those you touch--for their good. Use it wisely and in an uncommon way" (pp. 187, 190).
Uncommon is an excellent book for men. It would serve well as a book for guys to study at a men's group in church.
In his new book, Uncommon: Finding Your Path to Significance, Tony Dungy offers much needed guidance and encouragement. In short and easy-to-read chapters, Coach Dungy promotes values like honesty, humility, courage, respect for authority, sexual integrity, and faith in Christ. In other chapters, he offers wise advice on how to treat a woman, how to be a good father, friendship, education, alcohol and drugs, careers, and following your dreams.
In a section focusing on our influence in the lives of others, Mr. Dungy wrote,
"You have multiple platforms from which to impact the world...Growing up, I was mesmerized by the talk that went on inside my local barbershop. I usually went in on Fridays before my games, and in addition to listening to the other guys talk in the shop, I always enjoyed talking to my barber, Mr. Hampton. Mr. Hampton would always wish me well in that night's game and talk with me about school and girls and whatever else was going on in my life. He may not have called it a platform, but he certainly recognized the impact he could have on the men, especially the young men who came in thinking they were just getting a haircut. We always left with so much more.
"...Remember--you stand where no one else stands. Sometimes it's behind a barber's chair. Sometimes it's on the field. Sometimes it's across the dinner table. You may never know the impact you're having on someone who's looking up to you because of your character, your life's work, your family life, or maybe just because of your friendship. People respect you, believe in you, and trust you. In those cases, and others that will come, you have a platform of importance in the lives of those you touch--for their good. Use it wisely and in an uncommon way" (pp. 187, 190).
Uncommon is an excellent book for men. It would serve well as a book for guys to study at a men's group in church.
Friday, March 06, 2009
Parenting Advice and Pastoral Care for Adoptive Families
John Piper has written an excellent piece explaining why fathers should not allow their sons to wrestle girls at www.desiringgod.org/Blog/1664_over_my_dead_body_son/. This is important advice because parents are allowing their girls to enroll in wrestling programs. At least two girls were in Christopher's wrestling class last fall (but he did not wrestle them). As John Piper explains, we need to teach our sons that "men don't fight against women. They fight for women." As counter-cultural as this may seem, it's right.
On the same blog, an article appears suggesting 10 ways to pastor adoptive families and those considering adoption. It's at www.desiringgod.org/Blog/1662_10_ways_to_pastor_adoptive_parents_and_those_considering_adoption/.
On the same blog, an article appears suggesting 10 ways to pastor adoptive families and those considering adoption. It's at www.desiringgod.org/Blog/1662_10_ways_to_pastor_adoptive_parents_and_those_considering_adoption/.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Boys and Gangs
"Listen, my son, to your father's instruction
and do not forsake your mother's teaching.
They will be a garland to grace your head
and a chain to adorn your neck.
"My son, if sinners entice you,
do not give in to them.
If they say, 'Come along with us;
let's lie in wait for someone's blood,
let's waylay some harmless soul;
let's swallow them alive, like the grave,
and whole, like those who go down to the pit;
we will get all sorts of valuable things
and fill our houses with plunder;
throw in your lot with us,
and we will share a common purse'--
my son, do not go along with them,
do not set foot on their paths;
for their feet rush into sin,
they are swift to shed blood.
How useless to spread a net
in full view of all the birds!
These men lie in wait for their own blood;
they waylay only themselves!
Such is the end of all who go after ill-gotten gain;
it takes away the lives of those who get it" (Proverbs 1:8-19).
I find it interesting that the book of Proverbs tackles the problem of gangs so early in the book. Not only does Proverbs address the problem, it points toward a solution: the involvement of both parents in teaching their sons basic lessons of right and wrong. Boys need their mothers and their fathers to be involved in their lives, guiding them, and molding their consciences.
As a father, I do not want to see my son involved in a gang. I do not want to see him self-destruct while taking others out with him. I am intentional in being with my son and teaching him the lessons of life. I am intentional in bringing him to the Saturday morning men's breakfasts at the Park Plaza Church (when I have a Saturday off work), so that he can gain the wisdom of other men as we face life's issues together. Bible reading and philosophical discussions are a regular part of our everyday lives.
So, I was interested in an article reprinted in the recent newsletter of the Amy Foundation (an organization that promotes biblical teaching through public forums such as letters to the editor and personal blogs) entitled "Street Gangs and Sons of Our Society: A Cry for Daddy" by Gordon Dalbey. He focused on the connection of fathers and sons as a solution for the gang problem. Here is an excerpt:
"The recent deadly State Street gang fight begs the lesson of a Los Angeles Times Magazine cover story entitled 'Mothers, Sons and Gangs,' in which several mothers of young gang members pondered sadly why their sons had gone astray. As a man, I was startled by what they didn't say. 'I don't understand why he goes out on the streets,' was the gist of each woman's grief. 'I'm a good mother.'
"No matter how righteous and fine a homemaker his mother may be, a boy is drawn to the gang by the innate male longing and need to break away from the mother, bond to the father, and be joined thereby to the company of men. Without the father to engineer that process, the choice for a young male is ominous: either join a gang and get killed or go to prison, or stay with Mom...
"Certainly, these are good mothers...I suspect their sons genuinely know that. But these mothers are not fathers, nor can they be...
"The gangs are surrogate fathers, and their violence is a misdirected vengeance against males/fathers who have abandoned them and a society which has misled them.
"No doubt, in days to come, we will hear much official rhetoric about getting tough on gangs and the violence they often stir. But restricting behavior, while at times necessary, is not sufficient to heal the heart. Gangs, that is, are symptoms of a deeper disease among us.
"This disease is the curse of fatherlessness. We will not likely hear so much about that, however, because so few men today have dared face this awful emptiness in our masculine souls. Much as an alcoholic uses a drink, often we use the police and courts to avoid facing our problem.
"You don't have to be young and poor to understand what drives a gang. You just have to be real."
Although I feel a great responsibility as a father, I am thankful to God for the privilege. I'm also thankful to have Janet as my wife and partner as a parent. And I'm also thankful for the members of the Contact Church who are mentoring the young men in our church who are either in gangs or susceptible to becoming gang members. This is a problem that cannot be handled alone. We each have a role in pointing our sons to a higher purpose: glorifying God as men were meant to do.
and do not forsake your mother's teaching.
They will be a garland to grace your head
and a chain to adorn your neck.
"My son, if sinners entice you,
do not give in to them.
If they say, 'Come along with us;
let's lie in wait for someone's blood,
let's waylay some harmless soul;
let's swallow them alive, like the grave,
and whole, like those who go down to the pit;
we will get all sorts of valuable things
and fill our houses with plunder;
throw in your lot with us,
and we will share a common purse'--
my son, do not go along with them,
do not set foot on their paths;
for their feet rush into sin,
they are swift to shed blood.
How useless to spread a net
in full view of all the birds!
These men lie in wait for their own blood;
they waylay only themselves!
Such is the end of all who go after ill-gotten gain;
it takes away the lives of those who get it" (Proverbs 1:8-19).
I find it interesting that the book of Proverbs tackles the problem of gangs so early in the book. Not only does Proverbs address the problem, it points toward a solution: the involvement of both parents in teaching their sons basic lessons of right and wrong. Boys need their mothers and their fathers to be involved in their lives, guiding them, and molding their consciences.
As a father, I do not want to see my son involved in a gang. I do not want to see him self-destruct while taking others out with him. I am intentional in being with my son and teaching him the lessons of life. I am intentional in bringing him to the Saturday morning men's breakfasts at the Park Plaza Church (when I have a Saturday off work), so that he can gain the wisdom of other men as we face life's issues together. Bible reading and philosophical discussions are a regular part of our everyday lives.
So, I was interested in an article reprinted in the recent newsletter of the Amy Foundation (an organization that promotes biblical teaching through public forums such as letters to the editor and personal blogs) entitled "Street Gangs and Sons of Our Society: A Cry for Daddy" by Gordon Dalbey. He focused on the connection of fathers and sons as a solution for the gang problem. Here is an excerpt:
"The recent deadly State Street gang fight begs the lesson of a Los Angeles Times Magazine cover story entitled 'Mothers, Sons and Gangs,' in which several mothers of young gang members pondered sadly why their sons had gone astray. As a man, I was startled by what they didn't say. 'I don't understand why he goes out on the streets,' was the gist of each woman's grief. 'I'm a good mother.'
"No matter how righteous and fine a homemaker his mother may be, a boy is drawn to the gang by the innate male longing and need to break away from the mother, bond to the father, and be joined thereby to the company of men. Without the father to engineer that process, the choice for a young male is ominous: either join a gang and get killed or go to prison, or stay with Mom...
"Certainly, these are good mothers...I suspect their sons genuinely know that. But these mothers are not fathers, nor can they be...
"The gangs are surrogate fathers, and their violence is a misdirected vengeance against males/fathers who have abandoned them and a society which has misled them.
"No doubt, in days to come, we will hear much official rhetoric about getting tough on gangs and the violence they often stir. But restricting behavior, while at times necessary, is not sufficient to heal the heart. Gangs, that is, are symptoms of a deeper disease among us.
"This disease is the curse of fatherlessness. We will not likely hear so much about that, however, because so few men today have dared face this awful emptiness in our masculine souls. Much as an alcoholic uses a drink, often we use the police and courts to avoid facing our problem.
"You don't have to be young and poor to understand what drives a gang. You just have to be real."
Although I feel a great responsibility as a father, I am thankful to God for the privilege. I'm also thankful to have Janet as my wife and partner as a parent. And I'm also thankful for the members of the Contact Church who are mentoring the young men in our church who are either in gangs or susceptible to becoming gang members. This is a problem that cannot be handled alone. We each have a role in pointing our sons to a higher purpose: glorifying God as men were meant to do.
Sunday, February 08, 2009
What Kind of Old Man Will I Be?
"Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness" (Titus 2:2. English Standard Version).
Nothing may be uglier than a bitter, resentful, arrogant, and defensive old man. (Well, now that I think about it, such women are not exactly a pretty sight either.) I don't want to grow old and be characterized by those qualities. Thankfully, God does not want that for me, either. He has called and empowered me by the Holy Spirit to become a different kind of man.
In being sober-minded, God is calling me to think clearly. He does not want me to think more highly of myself than I should. He does not want me to think more lowly of myself than I should. He wants me to see the good things in life as good, and the evil things in life as evil.
In being dignified, God is calling me to live a life worthy of respect. He wants me to be responsible. He wants me to work hard and to take care of my family. He wants me to pay my taxes and my bills. He wants me to face problems and opposition with poise.
In being self-controlled, God is calling me to restrain my passions from getting out of control. He wants me to use my passions to serve his kingdom and his purposes. He does not want my passions to control me; he wants me to control them for the benefit of others. He does not want me to spend all of my money on myself; he wants me to restrain myself so that I can share with others.
In being sound in faith, God is calling me to trust himself. He wants me to continue to develop a healthy respect for his word and for his ability to control the universe. He does not want me to doubt him; he wants me to trust him.
In being sound in love, God is calling me to consider the needs of other people. He wants me to cultivate healthy relationships with those around me. He wants me to care about people who are struggling. He wants me to appreciate and enjoy the giftedness and successes of others.
In being sound in steadfastness, God is calling me to persevere. He wants me to be tough in facing life's challenges. He wants me to endure, even when things are not looking good. He wants me to continue to love himself and others around me. He wants me to continue to seek the best for those around me. He wants me to continue to be unashamed of Christ and his message. He wants me to continue to be honest, kind, and willing to help. He wants me to continue to find joy and hope in life. He does not want me to give up until the end.
If I follow his instructions, I can grow into the old man that both God and I want me to be.
Nothing may be uglier than a bitter, resentful, arrogant, and defensive old man. (Well, now that I think about it, such women are not exactly a pretty sight either.) I don't want to grow old and be characterized by those qualities. Thankfully, God does not want that for me, either. He has called and empowered me by the Holy Spirit to become a different kind of man.
In being sober-minded, God is calling me to think clearly. He does not want me to think more highly of myself than I should. He does not want me to think more lowly of myself than I should. He wants me to see the good things in life as good, and the evil things in life as evil.
In being dignified, God is calling me to live a life worthy of respect. He wants me to be responsible. He wants me to work hard and to take care of my family. He wants me to pay my taxes and my bills. He wants me to face problems and opposition with poise.
In being self-controlled, God is calling me to restrain my passions from getting out of control. He wants me to use my passions to serve his kingdom and his purposes. He does not want my passions to control me; he wants me to control them for the benefit of others. He does not want me to spend all of my money on myself; he wants me to restrain myself so that I can share with others.
In being sound in faith, God is calling me to trust himself. He wants me to continue to develop a healthy respect for his word and for his ability to control the universe. He does not want me to doubt him; he wants me to trust him.
In being sound in love, God is calling me to consider the needs of other people. He wants me to cultivate healthy relationships with those around me. He wants me to care about people who are struggling. He wants me to appreciate and enjoy the giftedness and successes of others.
In being sound in steadfastness, God is calling me to persevere. He wants me to be tough in facing life's challenges. He wants me to endure, even when things are not looking good. He wants me to continue to love himself and others around me. He wants me to continue to seek the best for those around me. He wants me to continue to be unashamed of Christ and his message. He wants me to continue to be honest, kind, and willing to help. He wants me to continue to find joy and hope in life. He does not want me to give up until the end.
If I follow his instructions, I can grow into the old man that both God and I want me to be.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Men of God
"An elder must be blameless, the husband of but one wife, a man whose children believe and are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient. Since an overseer is entrusted with God's work, he must be blameless--not overbearing, not quick-tempered, not given to drunkenness, not violent, not pursuing dishonest gain. Rather he must be hospitable, one who loves what is good, who is self-controlled, upright, holy and disciplined. He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it" (Titus 1:6-9).
For some time, I have recognized that Paul's description of elders should be characteristic of Christian men in general. When I find well-written articles and books about the qualities of an elder, I can't wait to read them for whatever insight I can find in them.
For the last two weeks, the Christian Standard has published articles which are worth reading on this subject. The two-part series is one of the best I have read on the qualities of elders. The articles may be read at:
www.christianstandard.com/articledisplay.asp?id=1098
and
www.christianstandard.com/articledisplay.asp?id=1103.
For some time, I have recognized that Paul's description of elders should be characteristic of Christian men in general. When I find well-written articles and books about the qualities of an elder, I can't wait to read them for whatever insight I can find in them.
For the last two weeks, the Christian Standard has published articles which are worth reading on this subject. The two-part series is one of the best I have read on the qualities of elders. The articles may be read at:
www.christianstandard.com/articledisplay.asp?id=1098
and
www.christianstandard.com/articledisplay.asp?id=1103.
Sunday, December 07, 2008
The Social Implications of Sound Doctrine
Recently, I found a fascinating article from the Wall Street Journal which was published in August (http://online.wsj.com/article/SB121944811327665223.html). In it, the author writes about Rick Warren of Saddleback Church in southern California. Here is an excerpt:
"In Africa, (Rick Warren's) plan has been to use churches to promote literacy, economic growth and public health. Short-term visits from American churchgoers serve to train church leaders. But there are also less tangible tasks--cultural problems--which Mr. Warren believes churches can address better than governments or nongovernmental organizations. For instance, we need 'to teach men and boys to respect women and children.' No amount of AIDS education is going to help if women are being raped by men in their villages. 'And that is my job as a pastor. No government can do that.'"
I was reminded of Paul's instructions to Titus. "You must teach what is in accord with sound doctrine. Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance...Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled. In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us" (Titus 2:1-2, 6-8).
When we take the teachings of the Lord seriously, we can make a positive impact on our social environment. Our challenge is to embrace sound doctrine, allow it to shape our thinking so that we have sound minds, and then to live sound lives of faith in Christ.
"In Africa, (Rick Warren's) plan has been to use churches to promote literacy, economic growth and public health. Short-term visits from American churchgoers serve to train church leaders. But there are also less tangible tasks--cultural problems--which Mr. Warren believes churches can address better than governments or nongovernmental organizations. For instance, we need 'to teach men and boys to respect women and children.' No amount of AIDS education is going to help if women are being raped by men in their villages. 'And that is my job as a pastor. No government can do that.'"
I was reminded of Paul's instructions to Titus. "You must teach what is in accord with sound doctrine. Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance...Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled. In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us" (Titus 2:1-2, 6-8).
When we take the teachings of the Lord seriously, we can make a positive impact on our social environment. Our challenge is to embrace sound doctrine, allow it to shape our thinking so that we have sound minds, and then to live sound lives of faith in Christ.
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
A Challenge to Men
"Yale sociologist Stephen B. Clark says flatly, 'Men have a natural tendency to avoid social responsibility.' Without a vibrant, spiritual solution, this pattern of passivity grows effortlessly. It is now more and more prevalent in American men, and it is breeding death to our culture.
"Families cry out for men who will do more than 'tune out' when they come home from work. Kids want dads who are involved, dads who provide moral and spiritual direction, dads who are affirming and life-giving. Women want men who will protect them, not use them. Society needs men who will stand for moral absolutes. But we must stop and ask, 'Where are these men?' And, 'What will become of our families in their absence?'" (Robert Lewis, Raising a Modern-Day Knight: A Father's Role in Guiding His Son to Authentic Manhood, p. 53).
"Families cry out for men who will do more than 'tune out' when they come home from work. Kids want dads who are involved, dads who provide moral and spiritual direction, dads who are affirming and life-giving. Women want men who will protect them, not use them. Society needs men who will stand for moral absolutes. But we must stop and ask, 'Where are these men?' And, 'What will become of our families in their absence?'" (Robert Lewis, Raising a Modern-Day Knight: A Father's Role in Guiding His Son to Authentic Manhood, p. 53).
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