Life Lessons from Football (Part 1)

As my son Christopher enters his first year of playing football, I want him to learn a few important lessons about life. I plan on sharing some of these lessons on my blog over the next few days.

First, you must respect those who have authority over you. You must listen to your parents, teachers, coaches, employers, and others who will be in positions of authority over you. It makes life much easier. You will accomplish more of your goals by cooperating.

As Tommy Nelson wrote in The 12 Essentials of Godly Success (pages 81-82),

"In the early 1970s I was the chaplain of a high school football team. We love our high school football in Texas. We are connoisseurs of high school football. In other states they have high school football; in Texas, they live for high school football. For a whole bunch of folks it may as well be the state religion.

"So to be a great player in Texas means you are doing something. And on the team I served was a young man who was the finest high school football player I have ever seen. He was one of only three athletes in the history of Texas to be a three-time high school all-American (meaning, he was a high school all-American as a sophomore!).

"When he was ready to graduate, he had his choice of colleges. He picked a school whose previous running back was the runner-up for the Heisman Trophy. The question was not whether this young man would be good, but whether he was going to win the Heisman.

"After he made his decision, I said to his high school coach, 'What do you think? Will he win the Heisman someday?' His coach replied, 'He'll never carry the ball in college.'

"I was shocked. 'What do you mean?' I demanded. And he told me this young man had a character flaw that would eventually disqualify him. He knew that his college coaches would see it right away, and that would be the end of his career.

"Well, this young man ended up attending four different colleges--he quit two and was kicked out of two. He finished without a degree. The last I heard he was living in a common-law marriage and struggling every step of the way.

"What was the character flaw that the coach saw? 'He cannot submit to authority. He cannot submit to his parents. He cannot submit to an employer. He cannot submit to a teacher.' The coach told me, 'We've carried him along for the sake of the ball club. But I assure you, he will not submit to his college coaches. His football career is done.'

"That coach could have just as easily quoted to me a verse from Proverbs: 'The eye that mocks a father and scorns a mother, the ravens of the valley will pick it out' (Prov. 30:17, New American Standard Bible)."

Biblical Parenting 101: Discipline

Assuming that Tulsa has recovered sufficiently from the ice storm (and we do not get hit hard by another one before Sunday), I will be finishing my class on biblical parenting this coming Sunday morning at the Contact Church of Christ. These are my notes:

*Every child needs discipline in order to make it in life. In order to become godly men and women, our children must learn to submit to proper authority.

*Tommy Nelson tells this true story: "In the early 1970s I was the chaplain of a high school football team. And on the team I served was a young man who was the finest high school player I have ever seen. He was one of only three athletes in the history of Texas to be a three-time high school all-American (meaning, he was a high school all-American as a sophomore!). When he was ready to graduate, he had his choice of colleges...The question was not whether this young man would be good, but whether he was going to win the Heisman. After he made his decision, I said to his high school coach, 'What do you think? Will he win the Heisman someday?' His coach replied, 'He'll never carry the ball in college.' I was shocked. 'What do you mean?' I demanded. And he told me this young man had a character flaw that would eventually disqualify him...Well, this young man ended up attending four different colleges---he quit two and was kicked out of two. He finished without a degree...What was the character flaw that the coach saw? 'He cannot submit to authority. He cannot submit to his parents. He cannot submit to an employer. He cannot submit to a teacher...We've carried him along for the sake of the ball club. But I assure you, he will not submit to his college coaches. His football career is done'" (The 12 Essentials of Godly Success, pp.81-82).

*The Bible tells us, "He who withholds his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently" (Proverbs 13:24, NASB).

*We must care enough for our children to discipline them.

*"Discipline your son while there is hope, and do not desire his death" (Proverbs 19:18, NASB). We must act while we can. We do not want to see our children die in gang violence or from AIDS, because they never received appropriate discipline at home. They must learn to respect authority if we ever want to see them learn self-discipline and submission to God's standards.

*Discipline needs to vary depending on a child's temperament, age, and nature of the wrong committed. However, breaking the rules must be punished. Sometimes a verbal reprimand is sufficient; sometimes spanking is necessary; sometimes privileges must be taken away. However, something must be done to stop what would eventually become destructive behavior. If something is not working, add another punishment to it until you get the child to see the seriousness of the situation.

*While stopping inappropriate behavior is essential, discipline also includes working toward developing positive qualities in our children. We should want our sons to develop the character qualities of an elder or deacon (see 1 Timothy 3:1-13), and our daughters to become women of noble character (as described in Proverbs 31:10-31).

*We must point out positive role models (like members of the local church or celebrities like Indianapolis Colts coach Tony Dungy) for our children to admire. We must discuss life issues with our children. We must guide them in selecting good entertainment choices. If we can help them to want to do good, we have won the war even if we lose a few battles occasionally.

Biblical Parenting 101: Acceptance and Affection

These are my notes for my parenting class for this coming Sunday at the Contact Church of Christ:

*In our last lesson, we talked about developing esteem (or a healthy sense of self-worth) within our children. We discussed the idea that we must love our children for who they are.

*In this lesson, we will focus on acceptance. We will love our children no matter what they do. Then we will concentrate on showing affection to our children.

*The Bible says, "A friend loves at all times" (Proverbs 17:17, NIV). In this sense, parents need to be their children's friends. We need to love them at all times.

*Accepting our children is very different than merely tolerating them. Each child must feel that we love him or her genuinely. They must be celebrated.

*God loves us even when he is not pleased. In the same way, parents need to love their children.

*In The 12 Essentials of Godly Success, Tommy Nelson warns, "When a child senses that his parents' love ebbs and flows based on what he does, he eventually becomes a neurotic child. A son will always be left wondering whether he has done enough this time to earn the attention and affection that he craves. A young daughter who can't find acceptance and unconditional love at home will look for places where she feels loved no matter what she does" (p. 186).

*One of the strongest bonds in life is family. Affection builds strong families. Children need hugs and kisses from parents. Girls need hugs, even when they are older. Boys need to wrestle with their dads. We need to show affection. Children with affectionate parents will grow up with a good sense of their value and an understanding of love.

*Parents need to "love their children...so that the word of God will not be dishonored" (Titus 2:4-5, NASB). When we are parents who show affection to our children, the word of God will be honored. Our children (as well as outsiders) will view God's way with respect.

Biblical Parenting 101: Esteem

These are my notes for my parenting class this coming Sunday at the Contact Church of Christ:

*In previous weeks, we have looked at the importance of having peaceful homes, spending time with our children, teaching biblical truth to our children, and being good examples to our children. In this lesson, we will discuss helping our children figure out who God made them to be. We will try to help our children find their sense of esteem or worth by loving them as God made them.

*For our children to develop into godly men and women, they need to keep a sense of passion and ambition about life. They need to retain the ability to appreciate and enjoy the life that God has given them.

*The Bible says, "Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart" (Colossians 3:21, NASB). We do not want to raise children who have lost heart. We want to enable them to live life with passion, love, and courage.

*In order to do that, we must avoid creating an environment in which our children feel like they can never live up to our expectations.

*Tommy Nelson wrote, "A child needs to know that he is loved and accepted for exactly who he is. This is how he gains a proper understanding of who God has made him to be" (The 12 Essentials of Godly Success, p.184).

*Our children are not likely to be just like us. We can't expect them to be our carbon copies. I was a compliant and shy child. My son is an assertive and self-confident child. I liked to draw pictures. He could wrestle all day long. Even when we do not fully understand them, we must appreciate them for who they are. In one episode of King of the Hill, Bobby Hill wanted to play soccer, while his father opposed the idea. An exasperated Bobby said to his father, "You hate everything you don't understand!" His father replied, "I don't hate you, Bobby." We must value our children's differences.

*Our children are not going to be like their own brothers and sisters. One child may prefer music. Another may love sports. Yet another may be drawn to academics. We must value each child's differences.

*Of course, this does not mean that we should value their sinful choices. Angry outbursts, disrespectful language, sexual immorality, drug and alcohol abuse, and other sins should be confronted. But we must continue to respect their value in God's eyes. We must remember that their sins cannot define them in our opinion, just as our sins do not define us. With love, let's help them overcome.

*The Bible says, "Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it" (Proverbs 22:6, NASB).

*Tommy Nelson says about that verse, "Help your children see themselves as God sees them by celebrating who they are...A major aspect of this verse is often misinterpreted. Some take it to mean that you need to teach your children the right thing, and when they grow older, they will do it. This verse means much more than that. We need to raise up a child in his particular bent, being sensitive to his particular uniqueness. The verse literally says, 'Raise up a child in his way'" (p.185).

*Let's celebrate the uniqueness of each of our children. Tell each child, "I love how God made you. I'm proud to be your parent. I thank God that he brought you into my life." God made them especially for us. Let's appreciate our gifts from heaven for who they are, and help them become everything they can be for God's glory.

Biblical Parenting 101: Truth

These are my notes for the class that I will be teaching tomorrow at the Contact Church of Christ.

*In our previous sessions, we looked at the importance of raising our children in peaceful homes and spending time with our children. Both of those concepts are crucial for developing godly children.

*Today, we will discuss the importance of personally teaching biblical truth to our children. The Bible stresses the importance of this in passages like Deuteronomy 6:4-9 and Ephesians 6:4. (Take time to read these verses.)

*When we make the effort to teach our children the truth of the Bible, our kids have the potential to grow up with a strong faith and commitment to serving the Lord. It happened with Timothy, one of the great leaders in the early church. He was taught the Bible from infancy (2 Timothy 3:15). Who was responsible for his knowledge of the Bible? His mother and grandmother (2 Timothy 1:5). Our little boys and girls could become great servants of God for decades with our help in teaching them the truth.

* While our Sunday school classes and youth ministry can help us in teaching our children, we must not rely upon them as the primary teachers of our children. We parents are responsible for our children.

*So what do we do? This is what Janet and I do:

At one meal a day, we take time after the meal to have a devotional. I will read a devotional article from Our Daily Bread. Then we will give Christopher a memory verse. He repeats it. We discuss what it means. When he is able to quote the memory verse on his own, he will get a new memory verse the next day. Depending on the difficulty of the verse and Christopher's enthusiasm, he will memorize it in a few days or a couple of weeks. Then we will pray.

*Tommy Nelson has good advise about praying with children. "Pray intelligently with your children at meals and at night time. Pray with them theologically---they won't even know they are getting good teaching. Don't just say, 'Thank You for the burrito. Amen.' You can do better" (The 12 Essentials of Godly Success, pp. 182-183).

*At our son's age, we can still rock him in a rocking chair before he goes to bed. At that time, we read a story from one of his Bible story books. He gets some exposure to Adam, Eve, Samuel, David, Esther, Mary, Joseph, Jesus, Paul, and other great men and women of the Bible. Then we sing a few hymns (like I Stand in Awe of You and How Great Thou Art) with lyrics about the greatness of God.

*When occasions arise, it is good to point out biblical principles in our routine lives. When you notice something positive in your child, you may say, "You were very kind to your sister" or "It took a lot of courage to stand alone like that."

*When you are watching television, listening to music, or working on homework together, you may be able to discuss a scene, lyrics, or a reading assignment from a biblical perspective.

*With our teaching, our children have a better opportunity to become who God wants them to be.

Biblical Parenting 101: Time

These are my notes for my class this Sunday at the Contact Church:

*On Thanksgiving Day 2005, Indianapolis Colts coach Tony Dungy spent the day with family, fellow coaches, and friends from church. In his autobiography, he wrote, "During the (football) season, holidays are always bittersweet for me. I'm always happy to spend time with family and friends, but I'm also reminded of how much I'm not around" (Quiet Strength, p. 246). A little over a month later, his oldest son Jamie committed suicide.

*Although Tony Dungy is a good and decent man who loves his family and God, he lives with regrets about how much time he has missed with his children.

*In 2 Samuel 14, the Bible describes another good and decent man who loved his family and God. Even more than Tony Dungy, King David must have regretted how much time he had lost with his children.

*David had a number of children by a number of wives. Deuteronomy 17:17 forbids Israelite kings from taking numerous wives, but he failed to obey, and it caused problems for his family and his nation for generations.

*In 2 Samuel 13, David's son Absalom murdered another son named Amnon. Amnon had raped Absalom's full sister. After Amnon's murder, Absalom fled. David appeared to be detached.

*In 2 Samuel 14, David sent for Absalom to return to Jerusalem. However, "Absalom lived two years in Jerusalem without seeing the king's face" (14:28, NIV). In other words, David continued to play the role of a passive father too busy to spend time with his children. Perhaps he thought that it was appropriate punishment for Absalom. Or David may not have felt that he could handle seeing his son after what he had done to his brother. As a result, Absalom grew resentful and rebelled.

*Our children need time with us. If they do not receive it, they are much more likely to turn to alcohol, drugs, crime, and other rebellious behavior. They are more likely to suffer from anxiety, depression, and poor grades in school. Most importantly, they are more likely to reject our God.

*If children live with parents who spend time with them, they grow up knowing that they are valued. They will feel less inclination to rebel. They will enjoy better emotional health. They will find it easier to connect with our God.

*In future weeks, we will see how children need parents to teach them biblical truth, to be good examples, to show affection, and to discipline them. But before we can do any of that, we must be there for them. We must spend time with them.

*In The 12 Essentials of Godly Success, Tommy Nelson wrote, "(A child) needs a father and mother to look at him full in the face and listen to him. There are times when a child needs to be lectured, and there are times when a child needs simply to be listened to and loved and valued. Unfortunately, one of the most terrifying things for many children is to spend time with their fathers. Either their father ignores them and acts like they are not there, or their father takes them on a three-hour car ride, locks the doors, and preaches to them. Nothing could be worse for your relationship with your child. A child needs time where he or she is getting our full attention...Spend time with your children. Don't lecture your child unless there is the need. Love him and laugh at his jokes" (pp.180-181).

*We do not know how much time we will have with our children. So let's enjoy our time with them, and let them know by our presence in their lives that we value them.

*At his son's funeral, Tony Dungy said it well: "Parents, hug your kids---every chance you get. Tell them that you love them every chance you get. You don't know when it's going to be the last time" (Quiet Strength, p. 254).

Biblical Parenting: Peace

"Better a dry crust with peace and quiet
than a house full of feasting with strife" (Proverbs 17:1, NIV).

I plan on starting a class on biblical parenting with the Contact Church of Christ this coming Sunday. When I was asked to teach the class, I asked, "Are you sure you want me to do it...with my four and a half years of experience of being a parent?" I was told, "Absolutely! You have enough experience to know some of the difficulties, but not enough experience to have given up and thrown in the towel." Good point, I guess.

I will be sharing some of the principles from The 12 Essentials of Godly Success by Tommy Nelson. In my first lesson, I will be emphasizing the need for peace in our families.
These are some of Tommy Nelson's words on the subject:

"The most valuable thing I provide for my children is to consistently demonstrate love for my wife. A child can forgive almost any sin so long as his parents love each other. Peace and affection between parents provide a stable foundation for your children. They need their home to be a safe haven from the storms around them. Your first responsibility is to create an environment of peace.

Never heatedly argue with your spouse in front of your children. Watch your tone of voice. Don't be condescending or harsh. Discuss the issues while treating your partner with respect. It's good for kids to see parents work through conflict, but if you feel the need to raise your voice or get overly emotional, then go back into the bedroom to talk it out. Don't rob your children of the peace of their home. They are not ready to handle adult emotions.

Don't play the part of a spoiled brat, freezing out your spouse instead of working through conflict. Children pick up on these patterns. They feel the tension just underneath the surface. They also don't learn healthy patterns of dealing with conflict in their own lives" (pp. 177-178).

Of course, Mr. Nelson's thoughts will need to be adapted to individual circumstances. Some of our families consist of a father and a mother. Others consist of single mothers or single fathers or grandparents raising grandchildren. However, the idea of making our homes as peaceful as possible will benefit the children of the Contact Church. They may live in dangerous neighborhoods and attend schools with violent students, but if we can provide them with safe homes, they will benefit greatly.

Submission to Authority

I have been reading Coach Tony Dungy's Quiet Strength, listening to ESPN radio, and watching NFL pre-season games lately. So needless to say, football has been on my mind.

Thinking of football reminded me of a passage from The 12 Essentials of Godly Success by Tommy Nelson, a pastor of Denton Bible Church in Denton, Texas. This is from pages 81-82 of his book:

"In the early 1970s I was the chaplain of a high school football team. We love our high school football in Texas. We are connoisseurs of high school football. In other states they have high school football; in Texas, they live for high school football. For a whole bunch of folks it may as well be the state religion.

So to be a great player in Texas means you are doing something. And on the team I served was a young man who was the finest high school player I have ever seen. He was one of only three athletes in the history of Texas to be a three-time high school all-American (meaning, he was a high school all-American as a sophomore!).

When he was ready to graduate, he had his choice of colleges. He picked a school whose previous running back was the runner-up for the Heisman Trophy. The question was not whether this young man would be good, but whether he was going to win the Heisman.

After he made his decision, I said to his high school coach, "What do you think? Will he win the Heisman someday?" His coach replied, "He'll never carry the ball in college."

I was shocked. 'What do you mean?' I demanded. And he told me this young man had a character flaw that would eventually disqualify him. He knew that his college coaches would see it right away, and that would be the end of his career.

Well, this young man ended up attending four different colleges---he quit two and was kicked out of two. He finished without a degree. The last I heard he was living in a common-law marriage and struggling every step of the way.

What was the character flaw that the coach saw? 'He cannot submit to authority. He cannot submit to his parents. He cannot submit to an employer. He cannot submit to a teacher.' The coach told me, 'We've carried him along for the sake of the ball club. But I assure you, he will not submit to his college coaches. His football career is done.'

That coach could have just as easily quoted to me a verse from Proverbs: 'The eye that mocks a father and scorns a mother, the ravens of the valley will pick it out' (Prov. 30:17, NASB)."

What a sobering story. What a tragic story. I hope I can teach my son how to submit to authority so that he can live life well as he grows up.