A Great Temptation for Christians

"I have a non-Christian friend who says he can spot Christians in Hollywood parties: 'They worship at the altar of other people's approval'" (Paul Coughlin, No More Christian Nice Guy, page 45).

A More Accurate Image of Christ

This will conclude my 3-part series of posts about the willingness of Christians to stand firm for the faith.

Paul Coughlin has written, "I have a non-Christian friend who says he can spot Christians at Hollywood parties: 'They worship at the altar of other people's approval.' He's fascinated as to why Christians think Jesus was so wimpy and gentle, when even he can read that Jesus wasn't" (No More Christian Nice Guy: When Being Nice--Instead of Good--Hurts Men, Women, and Children, p. 45).

Sometimes we have an unbalanced view of Jesus. We see his kindness, compassion, and generosity. We see his willingness to touch the leper. We see his gentleness with the woman caught in adultery. We see his eagerness to embrace a child. We hear his words of love, forgiveness, and mercy.

However, we may be blind sometimes to Jesus' more rugged qualities, the characteristics that prompted men to call for his execution. He became angry with religious people who enforced their petty rules to the harm of needy people. He made a scene at the temple when vendors were distorting the temple's purpose. He stood his ground against conservative Pharisees, liberal Sadducees, and secular Herodians. He refused to entertain a corrupt politician who had no interest in his message. He launched into a blistering criticism of his opponents, because they were pretending to be holy while opposing God and taking advantage of people.

The Christian is destined "to be conformed to the likeness of (God's) Son" (Romans 8:29). In Christ, we see a man who acted with justice, loved mercy and kindness, and walked humbly with God (Micah 6:8). We are to embrace each characteristic of our Savior. We cannot ignore the need for justice, the need for mercy and kindness, or the need for humility as we walk with our God. He is calling us to live freely in the Spirit of the Son of God by becoming more like Jesus Christ in how we approach life. We cannot ignore any aspect of God's character as we develop toward our destiny as children of God.

Thanks for reading this series!

Life-Changing Books

"Of making many books there is no end" (Ecclesiastes 12:12).

Several good books have influenced me over the years. Here are a few:

Life Application Study Bible (NIV)
A couple of years ago, I was on sick leave from my job, recovering from surgery, when a co-worker called. Paula explained to me that she wanted to buy a Bible for her mother who had never read more than a few verses from a Bible in her life. She needed a recommendation. I recommended the Life Application Study Bible, because of its excellent introductions to the books of the Bible as well as its study notes. A newcomer to the Bible needs a little direction, because it can be difficult to figure out how a book or passage relates to the overall message. This Bible helps tremendously. Although it's available in many good translations, I recommended the New International Version because it is both very accurate and very readable. It was the first version I read that I could understand.

Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper
This book challenged me to focus on honoring Jesus Christ in every area of my life because of what he has done for me. Its intent is on pulling us away from selfish, petty, and trivial pursuits to pursuing the glory of God.

Wisdom Hunter by Randall Arthur
This is a novel about an arrogant, dictatorial, and self-righteous pastor who is shaken to his core when his estranged daughter dies suddenly in an accident and his neglected wife dies soon afterward of a broken heart. As the man searches for the granddaughter he has never seen, he starts a journey from legalism to skepticism to real Christianity. Even though it's a novel, Wisdom Hunter is filled with truth and reality.

Rekindling the Romance by Dennis and Barbara Rainey
This book contains great insight into men and women. We bought it at FamilyLife's A Weekend to Remember marriage conference last year. I highly recommend the radio program FamilyLife Today, the marriage conferences, and any book (including this one) by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. You will learn much about your spouse from this book.

Up Close and Personal: Embracing the Poor by Harold Shank, Anthony Wood, and Ron Bergeron
This book inspired me to become involved in urban ministry. It will help any reader in understanding the culture of poverty, the effects of racism, the need for friendship in the midst of poverty, and how to help people come to faith in Jesus Christ. It contains good practical advice about how to help people in need.

Children Mean the World to God by Harold Shank
This book is surprising because of the depth of the theology. I did not expect a book about children to be a book about God and his character. I read Children Mean the World to God in the middle of the adoption process for our son. It gave me the encouragement I needed when the days were dark and I could not see the dawn coming. It will inspire any Christian parent, Bible class teacher, or lover of children to keep making the effort to show love to the children of the world for God's sake.

The Measure of a Man by Gene Getz
This book encourages all Christian men to aspire to the qualities of an elder as described in 1 Timothy and Titus. Whether a man ever becomes an elder is irrelevant; a Christian man needs to make it a goal to grow in the virtues described within this book.

No More Jellyfish, Chickens, or Wimps by Paul Coughlin
This is a parenting book like no other. It deals with instilling children with courage, security, and assertiveness. In addition, it helps parents and children deal with predators and bullies. Its goal is not to produce nice and compliant kids, but rather good and brave children.

Do you have any books that have made a positive impact on your life? Please share information about them in the comments section. Thanks for reading!

No More Jellyfish, Chickens, or Wimps (Part 5)

With my final installment in my review of Paul Coughlin's No More Jellyfish, Chickens, or Wimps, I will focus on his advice for bullying. Too many children are bullied by other children because:
1. They do not know how to avoid being targets of bullies.
2. They are incapable, because of mental or physical disabilities, of avoiding being targets of bullies.
3. "Innocent" bystanders allow or encourage the bullying of these children.

Mr. Coughlin writes, "Bullies and related criminals look for people who exhibit what they call a 'victim's stance':
*Faces pointed down
*Eyes too quick to make eye contact with others; eyes unfocused
*Hunched shoulders
*Arms that are close to their bodies, revealing a more protective pose
*Short, unsure steps

"The Protectors teaches kids how to tower, not cower. For example:
*Stand up straight
*Chest out instead of in
*Steady eye contact with level chin
*Walk with purpose and energy
*Look confident while seated
*Girls: Don't carry your books by hugging them to your chest, which makes your shoulders curl forward" (pp.177-178).

Those simple tips will go far in preventing bullying, because bullies look for the weak and avoid the strong.

However, some children will not be able to avoid being victims of bullies. In such cases, bystanders must be taught and encouraged to intervene on behalf of victims. "Most bullying would not take place if it weren't for the display of power they want others to witness. Bystanders vastly outnumber both predators and prey...The reason for their lack of intervention comes down to basic human nature. The indifferent, confused, and/or fearful masses who witness bullying are urged from within not to be courageous and protective but to shrink instead" (p. 147).

We have a moral obligation to act on behalf of victims of injustice whenever we can. As the Bible teaches, "Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act" (Proverbs 3:27, NIV).

No More Jellyfish, Chickens, or Wimps should be required reading for every parent, school teacher, and minister. It is full of valuable insights. I highly recommend it and Mr. Coughlin's web site http://theprotectors.org, featuring a faith-based response to bullying on campus.

No More Jellyfish, Chickens, or Wimps (Part 3)

"Learn to do right!
Seek justice,
encourage the oppressed.
Defend the cause of the fatherless,
plead the case of the widow" (Isaiah 1:17, NIV).

If you are a parent or children's Bible class teacher, please read these quotes from No More Jellyfish, Chickens, Or Wimps by Paul Coughlin:

"Read your children's Sunday school or youth group curriculum. Go back as many years as you can. Volunteer in their classes and observe what they're being told. Ask them what they talked about and learned. You'll discover this: Churchgoing kids are instructed nearly exclusively on how to avoid sin. Their spiritual training consists of what a person shouldn't do. Avoiding sin is good and right. But what they're missing, what our culture is missing, is full and consistent instruction about what to do---which includes standing up for those being abused.

"..Yes, it's good when they avoid doing wrong. But what about when they avoid doing right? Sometimes it's what they don't do that facilitates disharmony and decay in the world. When we fail to love, we sin.

"Many Sunday school curricula don't even include courage as fundamental to a virtuous life. Some teachers relegate courage to the personal realm, telling children they need to exercise the courage to say no to others. That's important. But it entirely misses the Bible's admonishment to say no on behalf of others.

"Christians are encouraged to feed and clothe the needy, and this is excellent. But we're rarely challenged to defend those in need. Why the distinction? Because helping the poor usually doesn't include conflict; defending the needy often does. We don't like conflict, so we ignore this side of our faith life, yet we'll never attain a purpose-driven life if we don't learn how to do conflict well. And until we do, the weak will continue to suffer.

"...Good people stand up to injustice. Nice people don't---they slink away and cover their cowardly tracks. Good people make enemies for the right reasons---Jesus wouldn't have told us to pray for our enemies if He thought we wouldn't make any. Nice people worry too much about the approval of others to make an enemy when they should; they go with the crowd, right or wrong" (pp.157-159).

No More Jellyfish, Chickens, or Wimps (Part 2)

"But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars---their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death" (Revelation 21:8, NIV).

"Many parents have never even had a conversation with their children about cowardice. Warning against its corrosive nature isn't even usually on our parental radar, or included in many sermons. Instead, most of us are quick to warn our kids to avoid getting too involved (or involved at all) when someone is mistreated because of the collateral damage it may do to them. This is in direct defiance to how Jesus told us to live (see the parable of the good Samaritan in Luke 10). And we're overlooking the far-reaching damage of cowardice itself: Ultimately, cowardice can be as destructive as drug addiction" (Paul Coughlin, No More Jellyfish, Chickens, or Wimps, p. 29).

"Weak and timid children become parents whose children find them spineless and unreliable. They have checkered employment histories and an obligatory church attendance that fuels cynicism and resentment toward God. These anxious people also wear their bodies out---they're more at risk for hypertension, migraines, intestinal maladies, and other stress-related illnesses" (ibid, p. 117).

In order for our children to have a better chance at living courageously, we parents need to model such behavior. We need to take risks. We need to be more like Jesus. He risked his reputation to help people who could stain it. He spoke the truth with grace, but he did not allow fear of criticism to stop him from speaking truth when it was needed. He did not like to see disciples abandon him, but he did not alter his message or his love for others even when they abandoned him. He had been sent to die for the sins of humanity, and he did not allow fear to stop him from doing so in a manner that honored his Father.

Christ called us to follow him in living life to its fullest. One key to accomplishing our mission is to have the courage to do what needs to be done despite the risks. Through the Holy Spirit, he has given his disciples the help needed to be able to do it. Jesus promised his followers, "And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age" (Matthew 28:20b, NIV).

No More Jellyfish, Chickens, or Wimps (Part 1)

I recently completed reading No More Jellyfish, Chickens, or Wimps by Paul Coughlin. The book aims to help parents raise secure and assertive children in a tough world. I found it to be fascinating and very helpful.

I plan to share several quotes from the book along with some of my comments during the month of March.

After analyzing the psychological problems that many young people confront today (such as depression, eating disorders, and substance abuse), Mr. Coughlin starts to list some of the contributing factors to the problems. He asserts that children have been taught to live with timidity by parents, teachers, and churches. While we have the best of intentions, we are raising children to be compliant and sweet rather than righteous and courageous. As a result, our children are suffering from inhibitions that are driving them toward unhealthy thinking and living.

He writes, "Here's a huge part of the problem: Christians are raising some of our culture's wimpiest kids. I don't say that they're becoming wimpy because we're teaching them to be humble and training them to embrace patience. They're going out into the world as wimps because we parents are ignoring the broader counsel of God, pushing away character traits that make us uncomfortable and pretending that being disengaged from the world is actually about holiness and purity, when more often it's about fear and a lack of love...

"We're often either marginalizing or largely eradicating such rugged virtues as shrewdness, boldness, and courage. These aspects of integrity require an active and assertive approach toward life---but many Christians think being assertive is wrong. As a result, we're bringing up our kids to be so sweet and compliant that I wouldn't be surprised if the federal government and armed forces commissioned studies to determine whether or not children who grew up in churches are capable of defending our country" (pp. 14-15).

The last sentence of the first paragraph above struck me. How often have I been disengaged from something or someone because I either feared the situation or lacked love for the people involved? How many time have I tried to convince myself that I was being holy or pure by remaining uninvolved? How pathetic! I don't want to live like that, and I don't want to teach others to live like that either. I want to live by faith and love, not in fear and apathy.

This book can nudge parents to live with the boldness God always intended and to teach their children to do the same. It can inspire us to courageous and assertive living for the sake of Christ.

Church Dropouts

Last Saturday, the Tulsa World ran an interesting story about why many people "drop out" of churches after leaving high school (http://www.tulsaworld.com/news/article.aspx?subjectID=18&articleID=20080202_1_A8_hMany37332). Some of the reasons were understandable. After all, some churches are "boring" for some reason. Some do not see the Christian life as an adventure with both fun and danger. Some churches put on "an act." They concentrate on a show without substance.

However, some of the reasons cannot be changed. A church must teach that homosexuality is a sin, even though it may appear "homophobic" to young people. We must teach the truth with compassion.

In No More Jellyfish, Chickens, or Wimps: Raising Secure, Assertive Kids in a Tough World, Paul Coughlin mentions a reason for young people dropping out of churches that I have never read before. He writes,

"(It) is spiritually neglectful not to explain to our children that if they align their lives with God's will, they will be met with challenges. If we don't, we can be sure we'll be raising a generation of what I call Second-Seed people---those who walk away from their faith when the going gets tough.

When we read Jesus' parable of the sower (Matthew 13; Mark 4; Luke 8), which describes why faith grows in some but not in others, we hope we'll only find our inner lives described in one key passage. When we find our faithlessness laid bare on the page, we sometimes fail to understand the real reason: We simply don't have the backbone to withstand the difficulties that come from being the oddballs God wants us to be.

Second-Seed people respond superficially to God's Word.

These are the ones sown on rocky ground: when they hear the word, they immediately receive it with joy. But they have no root, and endure only for a while; then, when trouble or persecution arises on account of the word, immediately they fall away. (Mark 4:16-17 NRSV).

They lack the rugged virtue of fortitude. Why? Because their training makes them so eager to please others that they crumple under even mild criticism. They were trained to be nice kids instead of good ones" (pp. 112-113).

I want to raise a good son, not necessarily a nice one. Although his teachers may not like it and it may cause me some problems in the future, I have told Christopher to intervene when another student is doing something wrong or hurting another. I warned him that he may get into trouble at school for doing so, but that he would have my support at home. I would be proud of him for standing up to those who would harm others. He would be a hero. I want to train him to do good despite opposition, misunderstanding, and trouble. If he is to become a godly man, he will need such training to make it in a world in which evil and wrong are rarely challenged. I am convinced that, if he grasps such lessons, he will not become another "church dropout."