Lessons that Crawford Loritts Learned From His Father

This is the video of Crawford Loritts' sermon from the recent Conference for Pastors at Bethlehem Baptist Church in Minneapolis. I appreciated his insights on the topic of fatherhood.

Casting Crowns - Courageous

Stepping Up: A Call to Courageous Manhood

In his latest book, Dennis Rainey writes, "I believe there's something in the chest of a man that responds in a unique way to stories of courage. There's a piece of every man's heart that longs to be courageous, to be bold and gutsy and etch a masculine mark of bravery on the human landscape. In our hearts, we know that a part of the core of true manhood is courage" (page 5).

Stepping Up: A Call to Courageous Manhood contains many stories of courage to inspire a man's heart. From reciting tales of physical courage to feats of moral courage, Dennis Rainey demonstrates what it means to be a man through five stages of a man's life. In this book, he acknowledges the identity crisis that many men in our culture face due to poor training from fathers who were either silent, or missing, or who provided inappropriate advice and examples to their sons as their boys were growing up. But he meets men where they are and gives them the guidance and encouragement they need in order to take the next steps toward fulfilling their duties as men in their families and communities. Rather than approaching the subject in a condemning manner, Mr. Rainey seeks to instill the courage men need to take responsibility and initiative.

He outlines five stages in a man's life:

1. Boyhood: a time of adventure and exploration in which a boy needs guidance from responsible fathers and other men in his life. He needs to learn to differentiate wisdom from foolishness and how to love others. He needs to understand his spiritual identity, his sexual identity, and his purpose in life. As the author explains, "One of my favorite passages about children in the Scriptures is found in Psalm 127: 'Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them' (verses 4-5, NASB). This is powerful imagery. Think about what an arrow is created to do. Was it designed to stay in the quiver, comfortable and protected? No, it was made to be aimed and shot by a warrior at a target, to deliver a blow in battle. Can you see the connection? Boys need to understand that they are not here on earth just to achieve worldly success and comfort. They're here to strike a blow against evil, to make a mark on their world. Just like you. After all, dads are arrows too" (page 47).

2. Adolescence: a time of further training as a boy transitions into manhood. This is when a boy needs to start the process of thinking like a man. "They need help assassinating selfishness and pride...They need to learn and apply fundamental convictions and character qualities to real-life issues" (pages 78-79).

3. Manhood: a time in which a man takes the initiative and steps up to protect those in his care. Primarily, he protects his family, but he also takes responsibility to protect his community from evil. He does this physically, of course, by locking the doors of his home at night and holding his small child's hand while crossing the street. But that is rather easy. It gets more challenging when he seeks to protect his marriage by meeting the needs of his wife, when he seeks to instruct his children in the moral choices they face among their peers, when he stands up against unethical business practices on his job, or when he challenges his children's peers to treat each other with dignity. This is a time for courage to be displayed with wisdom.

4. Mentor: a time in which an experienced man teaches younger and less experienced men how to meet the challenges they face every day. He shares his successes and failures. He intentionally connects with younger men who want to approach life with more wisdom than they possess. He guides them in their quest to be the men God intended them to be. "A mentor purposefully builds life lessons into those he mentors," Dennis Rainey writes. "As you consider being a mentor, think through what makes life work for you--at work, at home, and in your relationship with Christ. What have you learned about the following?

*handling pressure and balancing the pace of life
*working with people
*building and keeping friendships with other men
*investing in your marriage
*resolving conflict
*facing unexpected crises or tragedy
*managing your finances
*developing a real relationship with God
*reading, understanding, and applying the Scriptures
*raising your children
*developing the type of character needed to succeed at work
*growing through failure" (page 147).

5. Patriarch: a time in which a man moves from the role of an authority figure to the role of a dignified older man who leads and impacts his world through the intentional good influence of his life. He keeps the extended family together. He connects with his adult children, their spouses, his grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. He refrains from exercising authority over the lives of his adult children--after all, they are leading their own families now--but he is always available to give wise counsel when asked. His priority is to have a positive influence on his extended family; and he spends much time in prayer for the future of his family. He works at leaving a good and godly legacy for his family and community.

Stepping Up: A Call to Courageous Manhood is an excellent book. I can highly recommend it for any man who wants some encouragement and guidance toward being a good man. I purchased the book from FamilyLife. It can be ordered at www.shopfamilylife.com/stepping-up.html or by calling 1-800-FLTODAY.

"Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love" (1 Corinthians 16:13-14).

The Successful Dad

The Successful Dad
(Author Unknown)

I may never be as clever as my
neighbor down the street,
I may never be as wealthy as some
other men I meet.
I may never have the glory that some
other men have had,
But I've just got to be successful as
that little fellow's dad.

There are certain dreams I cherish,
that I'd like to see come true,
There are things I would like to do.
There are things I would like to
accomplish before my earthly life is through.
But the task I've set my heart on is
to guide a little lad,
To make myself successful as that
little fellow's dad.

Oh, I may never come to glory, I may
never gather gold,
And when my business life is over,
I may be considered a failure as told.
But the task I've set my heart on is
to guide a little lad,
To make myself successful as that
little fellow's dad.

It's the one job that I dream of,
The task I think of most,
For if I fail that little fellow,
I have nothing else to boast.
For the wealth and fame I'd gather,
all my fortune would be sad,
If I fail to be successful as that little
fellow's dad.

Build Me a Son, O Lord

BUILD ME A SON, O LORD by General Douglas MacArthur

Build me a son, O Lord, who will be strong enough to know when he is weak, and brave enough to face himself when he is afraid; one who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat, and humble and gentle in victory.

Build me a son whose wishbone will not be where his backbone should be; a son who will know Thee….Lead him, I pray, not in the path of ease and comfort, but under the stress and spur of difficulties and challenge. Here let him learn to stand up in the storm; here let him learn compassion for those who fail.

Build me a son whose heart will be clean, whose goal will be high; a son who will master himself before he seeks to master other men; one who will learn to laugh, yet never forget how to weep; one who will reach into the future, yet never forget the past.

And after all these things are his, add, I pray, enough of a sense of humor, so that he may always be serious, yet never take himself too seriously. Give him humility, so that he may always remember the simplicity of greatness, the open mind of true wisdom, the meekness of true strength.

Then I, his father, will dare to whisper, “I have not lived in vain.”

The Successful Father

I will succeed as a father if I can help my son to develop a desire for the right things in life:

~right motives
~right attitudes
~right actions
~right relationships with other people and with God

"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied" (Matthew 5:6).

Praying for the Missing Fathers

In his sermon today, one of our ministers, Joel Osborn, mentioned helping to teach our congregation's first and second grade Sunday school class with his wife Rhonda. At one point during the class, the children took turns praying. He noticed that three of the children prayed for fathers. One boy prayed for his father who was in prison. Two others prayed that they would simply have fathers.

This is a common source of heartache for many children.

In this video, former NFL coach Tony Dungy recognizes the problem of fatherlessness in America and offers a little advice to help solve the problem:



"And he will turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers..." (Malachi 4:6).

A Father's Love

John Wooden's Legacy

Coach John Wooden died a week ago today. Click on the link below to read an article by Dennis Rainey about John Wooden and the impact that his father had on his life.

John Wooden's Legacy - FamilyLife.com

Boys and Gangs

"Listen, my son, to your father's instruction
and do not forsake your mother's teaching.
They will be a garland to grace your head
and a chain to adorn your neck.

"My son, if sinners entice you,
do not give in to them.
If they say, 'Come along with us;
let's lie in wait for someone's blood,
let's waylay some harmless soul;
let's swallow them alive, like the grave,
and whole, like those who go down to the pit;
we will get all sorts of valuable things
and fill our houses with plunder;
throw in your lot with us,
and we will share a common purse'--
my son, do not go along with them,
do not set foot on their paths;
for their feet rush into sin,
they are swift to shed blood.
How useless to spread a net
in full view of all the birds!
These men lie in wait for their own blood;
they waylay only themselves!
Such is the end of all who go after ill-gotten gain;
it takes away the lives of those who get it" (Proverbs 1:8-19).

I find it interesting that the book of Proverbs tackles the problem of gangs so early in the book. Not only does Proverbs address the problem, it points toward a solution: the involvement of both parents in teaching their sons basic lessons of right and wrong. Boys need their mothers and their fathers to be involved in their lives, guiding them, and molding their consciences.

As a father, I do not want to see my son involved in a gang. I do not want to see him self-destruct while taking others out with him. I am intentional in being with my son and teaching him the lessons of life. I am intentional in bringing him to the Saturday morning men's breakfasts at the Park Plaza Church (when I have a Saturday off work), so that he can gain the wisdom of other men as we face life's issues together. Bible reading and philosophical discussions are a regular part of our everyday lives.

So, I was interested in an article reprinted in the recent newsletter of the Amy Foundation (an organization that promotes biblical teaching through public forums such as letters to the editor and personal blogs) entitled "Street Gangs and Sons of Our Society: A Cry for Daddy" by Gordon Dalbey. He focused on the connection of fathers and sons as a solution for the gang problem. Here is an excerpt:

"The recent deadly State Street gang fight begs the lesson of a Los Angeles Times Magazine cover story entitled 'Mothers, Sons and Gangs,' in which several mothers of young gang members pondered sadly why their sons had gone astray. As a man, I was startled by what they didn't say. 'I don't understand why he goes out on the streets,' was the gist of each woman's grief. 'I'm a good mother.'

"No matter how righteous and fine a homemaker his mother may be, a boy is drawn to the gang by the innate male longing and need to break away from the mother, bond to the father, and be joined thereby to the company of men. Without the father to engineer that process, the choice for a young male is ominous: either join a gang and get killed or go to prison, or stay with Mom...

"Certainly, these are good mothers...I suspect their sons genuinely know that. But these mothers are not fathers, nor can they be...

"The gangs are surrogate fathers, and their violence is a misdirected vengeance against males/fathers who have abandoned them and a society which has misled them.

"No doubt, in days to come, we will hear much official rhetoric about getting tough on gangs and the violence they often stir. But restricting behavior, while at times necessary, is not sufficient to heal the heart. Gangs, that is, are symptoms of a deeper disease among us.

"This disease is the curse of fatherlessness. We will not likely hear so much about that, however, because so few men today have dared face this awful emptiness in our masculine souls. Much as an alcoholic uses a drink, often we use the police and courts to avoid facing our problem.

"You don't have to be young and poor to understand what drives a gang. You just have to be real."

Although I feel a great responsibility as a father, I am thankful to God for the privilege. I'm also thankful to have Janet as my wife and partner as a parent. And I'm also thankful for the members of the Contact Church who are mentoring the young men in our church who are either in gangs or susceptible to becoming gang members. This is a problem that cannot be handled alone. We each have a role in pointing our sons to a higher purpose: glorifying God as men were meant to do.

Million Father March

"Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4, NIV).

An interesting article appeared on the editorial page of the Oklahoma Eagle, the local black newspaper, on July 19, 2007. "Million Father March: Second chance for black fathers" by Phillip Jackson informs readers about a project designed to motivate black fathers to take their children to class on the first day of school this year. I liked that idea, but I had already planned to take Christopher to his first day of pre-K next month anyway.

Here are a few quotes from the article:

"Father's Day was a severe disappointment in America's black communities this year because census figures show that 70 percent of black children are born into single-parent, female-headed households.

"Congratulations to the 30 percent of black fathers who do live in households with their children; however, this small number of fathers who maintain homes for their children is not enough. Even with fathers who live in the household, many are not spiritually, emotionally and socially connected or involved in their children's lives.

"This late summer and fall of 2007, black fathers, and fathers and men of all races, get a second chance to celebrate Father's Day. This 'Real Father's Day' is the time for fathers and men to take their children to school during the 4th Annual Million Father March, sponsored by The Black Star Project in Chicago, Illinois, and throughout this nation. In 200 cities in America and around the world on the morning of the first day of school, more than 500,000 men and women of all races are expected to take a 'short holiday' from work to march with their children to school.

"What is the value of a connected, caring father in the social and educational developmental lives of children? Data from the National Fatherhood Initiative show that girls and boys who have nurturing, caring fathers in their lives in meaningful ways earn better grades and higher test scores, and have better attendance and higher graduation rates from high school. With strong father connections, these children are less likely to be suspended or drop out of school, engage in violent behavior, or experiment with drugs, alcohol or pre-marital sex. A key solution to fixing problems in the Black community, or any community, is the constructive involvement of fathers in the lives of their children...

"You only need to visit a nearby jail or prison to see the sociological impact of father absence on the lives of young boys and young men. From 60 percent to 90 percent of the black men in a jail or prison grew up in father-absent homes...Fathers and strong positive men are the brick and mortar necessary to create viable communities. Fathers matter in the lives of our children...

"A good father is part of a good parent team, and a good father is critical to creating a strong family structure. Strong family structures produce children who are more academically proficient, socially developed and self-assured. Such children become adults who are valuable assets to their communities, to their country and to their race..."

The entire article may be found online at www.blackstarproject.org/home/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=55&Itemid=38.