Achieving Low Self-Esteem

This is a story from The Reason for God by Tim Keller (pages 167-168):

"Andrew Delbanco is a humanities professor at Columbia University. Some years ago he was doing research on Alcoholics Anonymous and was attending AA meetings around the country. One Saturday morning in a New York City church basement he was listening to a 'crisply dressed young man' who was talking about his problems. In his narrative he was absolutely faultless. All his mistakes were due to the injustice and betrayals of others. He spoke of how he was going to avenge himself on all who had wronged him. 'His every gesture gave the impression of grievously wounded pride,' Delbanco wrote. It was clear that the young man was trapped in his need to justify himself, and that things could only get worse and worse in his life until he recognized this. While he was speaking, a black man in his forties, in dreadlocks and dark shades, leaned over to Delbanco and said, 'I used to feel that way too, before I achieved low self-esteem.'

"...By 'low self-esteem' the man in the dreadlocks did not mean the young man should come to hate himself. He meant that the well-dressed young man was 'lost in himself' until he could admit he was a very flawed human being, a sinner. He would never be liberated to see his own flaws in their true light, or forgive those who had wronged him, or to humbly seek and receive forgiveness from others."

Why Do You Want Me to be Surrounded by Poor People?

As we were preparing to go to our regular Tuesday evening prayer meeting tonight, our son Christopher asked me, "Why do you want me to be surrounded by poor people?"

In some ways, it struck me as an odd question. When did he discover that most of the people in our congregation were poor? He has been attending the Contact Church all of his life, but only recently has he mentioned the poverty of our members. How does he understand poverty? Has he noticed the condition of the apartment complexes that we visit? Does he remember the homeless man that we used to pick up and bring to church with us when he was younger? Have his friends at church mentioned the violence that they have witnessed and experienced? Has he noticed the prayer requests dealing with drug abuse, gang violence, and suicidal thoughts? Does he feel inferior to his friends at school because he worships with an urban ministry? Does he feel superior to his friends at church because he lives more of a middle class lifestyle?

I plan on exploring those questions with my son over the next few days, but I thought it would be good to answer his question about why we are raising our son in an urban ministry.

First, Janet and I want Christopher to be exposed to modern heroes of the faith. Many members of the Contact Church (including many poor members) are true heroes. They run to help people whom others would rather avoid. They are willing to cross the yellow tape of a crime scene in order to take the good news to people who need it. They will deal patiently with the struggling drunk or drug addict. They will comfort the victim of childhood sexual abuse. They will counsel a struggling couple to remain committed to each other. They will keep showing up for the woman with emotional problems. They will provide the food, clothing, and furniture needed by someone who is struggling financially. They will tell the hard truths of the gospel in a gracious manner to someone who would rather not hear them. They will encourage others to do good while quickly forgiving them for doing wrong. They do not give up. We want our son to see such men and women in action. We want him to admire their good qualities and to try to emulate them.

Second, we want our son to be exposed to the ugly side of sin. If he learns about alcohol, drugs, and sex outside of marriage from the media alone, he may never see the consequences of living outside of God's standards until it is too late. In urban ministry, he can see the consequences all the time. He can see how difficult it can be to be controlled by alcohol or drugs. He can hear the prayers of the men and women who cry out in despair. He can see some of the problems faced by our members who have not adhered to biblical sexual ethics, from emotional problems to single parenthood to incurable and deadly diseases. While he will see God's love and forgiveness extended, he will see how sin can take its toll on men and women even after they have been forgiven. We want our son to learn to see beyond the temptations of sin to see the consequences of sin.

I understand that risks are involved in our strategy. We could fail. But we could fail by avoiding the poor also.

I pray that we succeed. I want nothing more than to see my son become a genuine follower of Christ. I want to be able to echo the words of the apostle John someday: "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth" (3 John 4).

A Potential Leader in the Kingdom

This is a portion of our minister Ron Babbit's February newsletter:

"Every time I show up in the hood, I wonder, 'Where is the family that once lived there? Whatever happened to those kids?' Recently, we had two moving crews on the road to assist a couple of families. Big O took Muscles with him to make a run and I recruited Big Mac, Arler, Trey-bone, and Fox. (I pay big bucks.) This move was in a drizzling rain. We had a trailer and my truck; and Big Mac was driving a minivan. When we showed up, the lady being moved was with her two daughters and their hairy-legged friends. One couple is getting married this spring; the other couple is shacking together. GOD provided a great opportunity for all the moving team. Let me share how GOD was at work.

"One of the clowns, the dude who is shacking with his honey, I met eight years ago on an outside basketball court where he was the 'Cool Dude On Campus' (CDOC). At that time, I told the girls to stay away from that clown. I would always recruit a girl to be on my team, and we would go against the CDOC. This CDOC was a wannabe. He wasn't willing to pay the price to play the great game of basketball at school because he was a CDOC. He has the same struggles that most of us have, that is, not willing to die to self and make the commitment to serve HIM. Every time I would see CDOC, I would throw him candy and a soda to break down the barriers that Satan had built in his bones. I started noticing that CDOC wasn't present in the complex and soon found out that he was in prison. I tried to get an address to write to him, but wasn't successful.

"When we showed up to move this family, the CDOC hoss wanted a ride to go help us move. Amen, church! I loved picking up the CDOC and his honey. Guess what? I witnessed a different attitude. He was very friendly and seemed to be changed. Yes, he is hanging with hooch in his pocket, smoking whatever gets him higher, but GOD is more powerful. Amen, church! I asked him about his brother. He, too, was living with a gal.

"GOD started building this friendship/relationship years ago, and now is the time to step in to share the saving message of HIS love. Please stay in prayer with me as we read, listen, and pray with him. This CDOC is a leader; my prayer is that he becomes a leader in the Kingdom."

If We Had Lived in the Days of Our Forefathers

My life overlapped the life of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. by a few months. The famous civil rights activist was murdered before I learned to walk.

At times, I have wondered: Would I have joined with Dr. King in calling for an end to legal racism?

It's easy to believe that I would have taken the unpopular, but just, position. It's easy to think that I would have had the sense of justice and the courage to do the right thing. I could easily see myself marching with Dr. King in the early 1960s, hiding the Jewish people from the Nazis with Corrie ten Boom's family during World War II, or rescuing escaped slaves with the Underground Railroad in the years leading up to the Civil War. But would I have done such noble things?

Jesus had some harsh words for some of his contemporaries who held similar thoughts. He warned, "Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You build tombs for the prophets and decorate the graves of the righteous. And you say, 'If we had lived in the days of our forefathers, we would not have taken part with them in shedding the blood of the prophets.' So you testify against yourselves that you are the descendants of those who murdered the prophets. Fill up, then, the measure of the sin of your forefathers!" (Matthew 23:29-32).

Jesus' words challenge my pride in what I imagine I would have done. He is not interested in how I would have responded to injustices of the past and the needs of people in a previous generation. Christ is interested in what I am doing today. How do I respond when people are mistreated today? What am I doing today to help those who are in need? Am I willing to take risks? Am I willing to be unpopular for the sake of following Jesus Christ? Do I care about people? Or am I content to condemn a previous generation while taking pride in the fact that I did not participate in their sins?

How am I living today? Am I acting with justice, loving kindness and mercy, and walking humbly with my God?

Bible Studies, STDs, and Unplanned Pregnancies

Here is an excerpt from our minister Ron Babbit's recent newsletter to supporters of his ministry with the Contact Church:

"Recently, during a Bible study, I was reading Luke 7--JESUS AT HIS BEST. The harlot was washing JESUS' feet. The young lady in the Bible study told me that she has a sexually transmitted disease. She hasn't been in school since February 2009. She doesn't stay with her mom; they are battling. GOD provided an opportunity to share the love of the LORD. Before our Bible study with this darlin, we picked her up as she was walking to visit with her friend who is 12 years old and pregnant. That gives us another opportunity to set her up with Mary Lasarsky. Mary loves, encourages, and teaches darlins who are in trouble with early pregnancies. Remember in Luke 7 the Pharisee sits back and criticizes the harlot washing JESUS' feet? Have you ever noticed how (#1) Pride Paralyzes Us, (#2) Forgiveness Releases Us, (#3) Faith Saves Us?"

For more information about the Contact Church's pregnancy program, please see www.contactchurch.net/Contact_Life.

Daddy, What's a Wuss?

Last night during our football scrimmage, Christopher came to me and said, "Daddy, that boy I'm going against spit at me and called me a 'wuss.' What's a wuss?"

As one of his assistant coaches and his father, I told Christopher, "Don't worry about it right now. Just go out there and knock that boy on his rear every time. Don't let him intimidate you. You are tougher than him. He can't handle you, so he's trying to scare you. But you're better than that. You can take him."

We are going to run across those kind of people in our lives, the type of people who call names but who cannot back up their words. Sometimes I am called a racist because I am pro-life. I have been accused of being apathetic toward the poor because I do not buy into Emergent theology. My job is to live my life in such a way as to make the accusations look as stupid as they are. Christopher's job on the football field is to make the boy wonder who the real wuss is...the name-caller or the boy who is acting with class while knocking him on his rear every play?

I was reminded of this verse from 1 Kings 20:11, "One who puts on his armor should not boast like one who takes it off." Prove yourself by your actions. Don't boast before you have proven yourself capable of backing up your words.

Whose Reputation is More Important?

"Then they said, 'Come, let us build ourselves a city, with a tower that reaches to the heavens, so that we may make a name for ourselves and not be scattered over the face of the whole earth'" (Genesis 11:4).

During our Bible study at the Normandy Apartments on Sunday evening, we were discussing the account of the tower of Babel. In the historical narrative, the people were driven by their concern about their reputation in the world. They wanted to make a name for themselves. They were obsessed with their reputation. They were driven by their pride.

When considering our reputations, at least two important questions must be asked:

1. What do we want our reputations to be?
2. More importantly, why do we want such reputations? What are our motives?

John Piper offers this insightful analysis:

"Our aim is that people would 'glorify God', not us (Matthew 5:16). On the one hand, we know that reputation matters: 'A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches' (Proverbs 22:1). On the other hand, we know that people-pleasing reveals idolatry: '...not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord' (Colossians 3:22)." (See www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/TasteAndSee/ByDate/2008/2740_Acclaim_for_Christ_vs_Craving_Praise/ for more of the article.)

Trying to make myself look good corrupts my heart. Trying to make God look as good and holy and just and merciful and gracious as he truly is protects my heart. If that is my goal, I'm not sure that I should be very concerned about my own reputation unless it detracts from an accurate view of my Savior.

How Could God Forgive Me?

Sometimes a person can feel the weight of his or her sins and wonder How could God forgive me? I have been selfish all my life. I have been arrogant. I have hurt other innocent people with my actions, my attitudes, and my words. I have divorced the only one who ever loved me. I have alienated my children. I have ignored God all my life. I have always hated the church and the Bible and anyone associated with them. I have destroyed my life and my reputation. Nobody would ever trust me--and with good reason. I have______(fill in the blank with other reasons that God should never forgive or accept me).

This could surprise someone who is struggling with such feelings, but I do not know a Christian who has not felt the same way. I have felt it myself. I know that I deserve God's anger and judgment...and that's what makes his forgiveness seem so strange, but so appealing.

On the cross, Jesus Christ prayed, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing" (Luke 23:34). Even as he was dying, Christ wanted to forgive those people who were killing him. He understood their sins. He was suffering because of their sins. But he also understood their needs. More than anything else, they needed forgiveness.

As the apostle Paul would explain later, "You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly...God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:6, 8). Jesus was paying the price for our ungodly sins. He was suffering for our selfishness, pride, and careless attitudes toward God and those around us. He was satisfying the demands of sin so that we could be forgiven and free from those sins.

After Christ's resurrection and return to his Father, the people for whom he had prayed--the people directly responsible for his death--received the opportunity to be forgiven. The apostle Peter confronted them with these words: "God has made this Jesus, whom you crucified, both Lord and Christ" (Acts 2:36).

"When the people heard this, they were cut to the heart and said to Peter and the other apostles, 'Brothers, what shall we do?'

"Peter replied, 'Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit'" (Acts 2:27-38).

"Those who accepted his message were baptized, and about three thousand were added to their number that day" (Acts 2:41).

Thousands of people who had sought the death of Jesus were given forgiveness. If God can forgive the people who murdered Christ, he can forgive me...and you. They did not deserve God's forgiveness, but he offered it to them anyway. We do not deserve God's forgiveness, but he offers it to us anyway. Their sins were horrible, but God forgave them. Our sins are horrible, but God is willing to forgive them, too. They accepted God's forgiveness. He asks that we accept it, too.

The Confident and Humble Leader

In the Old Testament, King David epitomized the confident and humble leader. He faced the fiercest of foes with a confidence envied by others. When confronted with the challenge of the veteran warrior-giant Goliath, David quickly volunteered to meet him in battle. He trusted in the God who would not be mocked and who had enabled him to take on lions and bears with success (1 Samuel 17). Yet he had a heart humble enough to repent with genuine sorrow when shown his guilt (Psalm 51). With confidence and humility, King David became the greatest leader of the nation of Israel.

On the other hand, David's grandson exhibited the unattractive qualities of insecurity and pride. Facing the challenge of governing a population seeking relief from oppressive government policies, King Rehoboam felt threatened. In his proud desire to outdo his father, Rehoboam promised to be even more oppressive (1 Kings 12). In his insecurity and pride, King Rehoboam destroyed the united kingdom of Israel and became one of the greatest failures in the nation's history.

In the church, God wants leaders of humility. "(The overseer) must not be a recent convert, or he may become conceited and fall under the same condemnation as the devil" (1 Timothy 3:6). Hopefully, godly men grow increasingly humble as they face the challenges of living by faith and raising a family.

At the same time, God wants leaders with confidence. An elder of the church must be confident enough to "refute those who oppose (sound doctrine)" (Titus 1:9). He must not be so insecure that he will passively allow others under his care to be harmed.

May God continue to provide his church with confident and humble leaders.

The Condemnation of Sodom

"Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy. They were haughty and did detestable things before me. Therefore I did away with them as you have seen" (Ezekiel 16:49-50, NIV).

Many people may know that Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed for their homosexual behavior (Genesis 18-19). However, fewer may realize that homosexuality was merely one manifestation of a larger problem: a completely ungodly self-centeredness.

The people of Sodom were arrogant. They believed themselves to be independent and self-reliant. They were wise in their own eyes. They rejected the standards of nature and nature's God in favor of their own selfish standards. Gratitude was a foreign concept to them.

They were overfed and unconcerned. The Sodomites were flourishing. Who cared if others were hurting due to their business practices? As long as they were doing well, oppression was not a concern.

They did not help the poor and needy. If generosity existed at all among the citizens of Sodom, it was the type of generosity that expected to be paid back. A friend could have received a meal because he could return the favor. A disabled beggar could starve before receiving aid, unless it could be written off on their taxes. A prosperity preacher could have received money, if he convinced them that they would be paid back 100-fold by whatever deities they acknowledged.

They were haughty. They were not merely arrogant; they flaunted it. They were self-made men and women, and they let it be known that they worshiped their makers. They celebrated debauchery and condemned as intolerant anyone who told the truth.

They did detestable things before God, not the least of which was attempted homosexual gang rape of visitors to their city (Genesis 19:1-11). Their morality and ethics reflected nothing of the image of God.

Obviously, the people of Sodom are not alone in their sins. If we are going to escape their fate, we will need to become people of humility, compassion, generosity, and high ethical and moral standards. Even more importantly, we will need God's forgiveness because, individually and collectively, we have already failed. Thankfully, God offers his forgiveness to everyone who will trust and follow his Son Jesus Christ.

Snobbery

"Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up" (James 4:10, NIV).

On the Heartlight website today, I read a powerful article by Kimberli J. Brackett titled "I Was a Snob and It Breaks My Heart." In the piece, she wrote, "I know I must have broken God's heart every time I told someone I was a Christian when my actions represented everything but Jesus Christ." All I can say is, "Amen, sister, I can certainly identify with those thoughts. I hate it when I misrepresent Jesus, too." The entire article may be read at http://www.heartlight.org/articles/200706/20070610_snob.html.