Why Do You Want Me to be Surrounded by Poor People?

As we were preparing to go to our regular Tuesday evening prayer meeting tonight, our son Christopher asked me, "Why do you want me to be surrounded by poor people?"

In some ways, it struck me as an odd question. When did he discover that most of the people in our congregation were poor? He has been attending the Contact Church all of his life, but only recently has he mentioned the poverty of our members. How does he understand poverty? Has he noticed the condition of the apartment complexes that we visit? Does he remember the homeless man that we used to pick up and bring to church with us when he was younger? Have his friends at church mentioned the violence that they have witnessed and experienced? Has he noticed the prayer requests dealing with drug abuse, gang violence, and suicidal thoughts? Does he feel inferior to his friends at school because he worships with an urban ministry? Does he feel superior to his friends at church because he lives more of a middle class lifestyle?

I plan on exploring those questions with my son over the next few days, but I thought it would be good to answer his question about why we are raising our son in an urban ministry.

First, Janet and I want Christopher to be exposed to modern heroes of the faith. Many members of the Contact Church (including many poor members) are true heroes. They run to help people whom others would rather avoid. They are willing to cross the yellow tape of a crime scene in order to take the good news to people who need it. They will deal patiently with the struggling drunk or drug addict. They will comfort the victim of childhood sexual abuse. They will counsel a struggling couple to remain committed to each other. They will keep showing up for the woman with emotional problems. They will provide the food, clothing, and furniture needed by someone who is struggling financially. They will tell the hard truths of the gospel in a gracious manner to someone who would rather not hear them. They will encourage others to do good while quickly forgiving them for doing wrong. They do not give up. We want our son to see such men and women in action. We want him to admire their good qualities and to try to emulate them.

Second, we want our son to be exposed to the ugly side of sin. If he learns about alcohol, drugs, and sex outside of marriage from the media alone, he may never see the consequences of living outside of God's standards until it is too late. In urban ministry, he can see the consequences all the time. He can see how difficult it can be to be controlled by alcohol or drugs. He can hear the prayers of the men and women who cry out in despair. He can see some of the problems faced by our members who have not adhered to biblical sexual ethics, from emotional problems to single parenthood to incurable and deadly diseases. While he will see God's love and forgiveness extended, he will see how sin can take its toll on men and women even after they have been forgiven. We want our son to learn to see beyond the temptations of sin to see the consequences of sin.

I understand that risks are involved in our strategy. We could fail. But we could fail by avoiding the poor also.

I pray that we succeed. I want nothing more than to see my son become a genuine follower of Christ. I want to be able to echo the words of the apostle John someday: "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth" (3 John 4).

Lessons in Urban Ministry

I've been involved in an urban ministry for approximately 10 years now. As I've been thinking about the last decade, I've been thinking about how naive I was when my wife and I first volunteered. Although I continue to have much to learn, I thought it would be a good time to write down a few of the lessons I've learned over the last several years. These are personal observations. They may or may not reflect the findings of social scientists or the views of others with experience in urban ministry.

1. Serve the children for their sake, not in order to reach their parents. Most children will come to the church's activities and worship assemblies without their parents. They will be attracted to a safe and fun environment in which they are supervised and guided by caring adults. They will be open to biblical teaching that can serve as the foundation for lives devoted to following Christ. They deserve attention simply because they bear the image of God, not because they can be used to lure their parents to the church.

2. Teaching a man to fish is not enough. Years ago, poverty-fighting ministries discovered that providing the necessities of life to the poor accomplished little long-term good. Such aid is always necessary, especially for children and the mentally and physically disabled; but those ministries discovered that they needed to connect the poor with jobs if they ever hoped to enable them to overcome poverty.

In many cases, however, the lack of employment and necessities of life are not the causes of poverty. They are the results. More often, poverty finds its roots in:

1. Drug and alcohol abuse. Addicts can have a hard time finding and maintaining employment. Many companies require drug tests before hiring a new employee. No company can afford to keep an employee forever who fails to do an adequate job because of drunkenness and drug-induced highs.

2. Family disintegration. Fornication, adultery, and divorce lead to multiple children born to young mothers who cannot support them. Fathers--and sometimes mothers--abandon their roles and responsibilities. Familial violence, physical abuse, and sexual abuse can scar a child for life. He or she will grow up without developing healthy social and coping skills. Anger and other negative emotions can control this individual, making it difficult for him or her to get along with others. He or she will have a hard time submitting to the authority of an employer, making steady employment an elusive goal. Even worse, he or she is likely to pass down these same problems to the next generation.

Urban ministries can do a great deal of preventative good by teaching the importance of self-control and sexual integrity.

3. Friendships are crucial. Broken people cannot simply be told to get their lives together. Like every one of us, they need the emotional support and encouragement of good friends as they make positive changes and learn to follow Christ. We need to be patient with each other. We need to challenge each other. We need to enjoy time with each other. We need our Bible studies and prayer meetings. We need to be able to confess our sins and to seek help from each other. Good friends give us the support we need to become what we were intended to be.

4. Good theology is essential. An accurate view of God, oneself, and others goes a long way in prompting us to make good choices. We need to see God as omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent, holy, just, merciful, and sovereign. We need to see ourselves as flawed and in need of God's grace. We need to respect the completely justified wrath of God and the completely gracious gift of salvation through Jesus Christ's death and resurrection. We must recognize that we are in over our heads in a mess of sins--our own sins and the sins of those around us. We can't really make any progress of any lasting value without faith in the God worthy of our trust.

Walking in the Light (Without a Spotlight on Them)

One of our church members came forward after the sermon last Sunday.

He wanted to apologize to the church for his sins and to ask for our prayers. He has been in prison 5 times and in jail even more often. He has been in numerous fights, has stabbed people, and has been stabbed. He has consistently battled the allure of crack cocaine and alcohol.

He also wanted to thank fellow Contact Church members for saving his life a couple of weeks ago. Four of our members had been concerned about him. They went to his home to see how he was doing. When they found him, he was semi-conscious. He had overdosed on drugs in an attempt to commit suicide. Immediately, they called for the medical attention that saved his life.

Even though he was so ashamed of his sins that he felt like never returning to the church, he knew that members of the Contact Church loved him and had saved his life. He recommitted his life to following Christ. The church welcomed him back with warm embraces.

Something stood out to me about this incident: I never knew about our 4 members who had saved his life just a few days before. They had not mentioned anything about what they had done. (Knowing them, I doubt that they ever would have.) They were following Jesus' instructions: "Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven" (Matthew 6:1).

They were walking in the light without a spotlight on them. They were doing good without drawing attention to themselves.

It makes me wonder: How much more good is being done today by Christians who are not seeking attention? I have a feeling that it's much more than I can imagine.

I Found a Savior (Part Four)

This is the conclusion of a Contact Church member's testimony. Previous posts may be read at:

(Part One) http://adisciplesthoughts.blogspot.com/2009/11/i-found-savior-part-one.html
(Part Two) http://adisciplesthoughts.blogspot.com/2009/11/i-found-savior-part-two.html
(Part Three) http://adisciplesthoughts.blogspot.com/2009/11/i-found-savior-part-three.html

"I began saying thank you Jesus for giving my children back and I prayed to God about a place to live. I went to Tulsa Housing and I had been approved a year prior for an apartment. I had spent all that time homeless and didn't know I didn't need to be. The day I showed up to sign my lease the apartment had not been released in the computer, so the lady said she could not do anything until they released it from downtown. While I waited for about an hour I talked to her about needed furniture. She said they had a church that was sometimes able to help with beds and stuff. After a while this white truck pulled up and she said, 'Hey that's the guy you want to talk to, he's from Contact Church.' I said, 'What? Really? I know him!' I ran out to the truck and it was Ron Babbit. I told him how I had been here, how God had helped me, how I was getting my children back, how Bill was out of the picture and how God had convicted me for not teaching my children--all the struggles and victories. He said he was glad for me and that I should come to see them down at the church. I was glad to do that anyway. Contact helped me move furniture into my empty apartment. I am so thankful to my Father in heaven and for Contact Church of Christ. I attended church whenever the doors were open. Praise God they were always there. I've been blessed with opportunities to share what Christ has done for me, those things I could not do for myself. Through this relationship with Christ, God has provided for very specific, unmet needs from my childhood. Through Ron Babbit, God has provided a father figure here on earth for me. Today I desire to know Him more, to enjoy the people he has created. I am so thankful to have friendships today with both men and women. Some relationships at this point in my life have completely changed the way I view men. Men like Joel Osborn and Randy Milam who have listened even when it wasn't easy, men who refuse to see me the way I thought every man saw me. Those men have helped me to see and experience Jesus in a way I had never experienced him.

"I celebrated 2 years on July 31, 2009 clean from crack cocaine. I now celebrate 6 months from alcohol, 6 months from sexual immorality, 1 year 4 months from co-dependency, and I surrendered nicotine 90 days ago today. I am blessed with so many opportunities to give back and to share with others by sponsoring, mothering 4 children, meeting a need for someone, and getting to pray. Some days I can't find a single reason why God chose a sinner like me but I am so glad that he chose to give me life. I found that I am far more valuable to God than many sparrows. I found peace in my inner most being. I found my prince of peace to rescue me. I found healing and restoration. I found God when I sought him with my whole heart. I found a Savior."

I Found a Savior (Part Two)

This is the continuation of a Contact Church member's testimony. Part One may be read at http://adisciplesthoughts.blogspot.com/2009/11/i-found-savior-part-one.html.

"Our family moved to Texas. On September 16, 1996 I was taken from the complex laundry mat to a storage room on the back side and sexually assaulted. I remember laying there crying and begging God to save me. Men had continued to do whatever to my body and I never had a say. Not even the all-powerful God would save me. Part of me wished he had killed me and put me out of my misery. When he took my wedding ring and my husband's class rings off my fingers that night it hurt me more than anything else. Waking Russell up to tell him what happened was hard as I had already cheated and hadn't even gotten through the pregnancy; I was eight months pregnant. Russell eventually left for another woman which only reinforced all the lies--that I was unlovable, worthless, and not good enough. I was left with myself, 2 kids, and a bunch of drug addicts and alcoholics who I sure fought hard to not be like, but I resigned and figured that's exactly what I deserved. I would spend the next 10 years with a man who did every drug known to man. He was an IV drug user and an alcoholic who very much did not value women. He introduced me to a behind the scenes look at the drug world. I was at a place where I really welcomed death, in fact half the time I prayed for death. Well when that plan failed I began provoking anger in Bill___--maybe he would put me out of my misery. Bill and I would spend a lot of time arguing, fist fighting, drinking, drugging up until I got busted in February 2000. Then I would clean up, however, he would not. I began to realize that God was with me the night I was raped and that I was alive and God was working in my heart. After I cleaned up I became pregnant with my first girl. This spoke to me in awesome ways because I believed God would not give me little girls because I wouldn't be good enough, after 3 boys that was very easy for me to believe. There was this calm inner voice that kept saying leave this man and a much louder one saying no he might die without you. I wanted to leave all the time but I was terrified of being alone. I needed him to protect me. I would not cook, wouldn't clean, wouldn't try, just argue, scream, fight, and rage. Then I began rocking, abusing crack cocaine and neglecting my children. I was completely bankrupt. Imagine this, there I am on the floor searching for a crumb of crack to smoke and my 5 year old daughter bends down and says, 'Is this one momma?' I began to cry and she said, 'Momma I want you and daddy to stop fighting, stop cussing, stop smoking cigarettes and stop searching for white rocks.' I would soon discover the thing I feared the most--those precious girls that I just knew God would not give me had been molested. I was very calm and made a phone call to DHS. The judge ordered the children to remain in custody. I begged for Family Drug Court which required rehab, counseling, accountability, and responsibility. You would think that the reality of children being gone, what happened to them, and the court stuff pending would have been enough for me to get clean but it was not. Bill, myself, and my sister all shared an efficiency apartment where I helped my little sister off of her program through DUI school and strung her out on crack too! I later beat up my sister and she called the cops and the landlord."

To be continued.

I Found a Savior (Part One)

I wrote a very condensed version of a Contact Church member's story on my blog last month. This time, I will let her tell her story in her own words. She wrote this for Ron and Judy Babbit's newsletter to supporters of their ministry with the Contact Church.

"I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, incest, rape, physical and emotional abuse. I am overcoming chemical addiction, alcoholism, co-dependency, and sexual immorality. I still struggle with control, anger, un-forgiveness, fear, and feelings of inadequacy. It is a blessing for me to be a light of God's grace, glory, forgiveness, and unfailing love, and how it has been demonstrated in my life.

"I was born in Tulsa, Oklahoma. My childhood was chaotic at best. Very little consistency ever, well actually there was some. I knew there would be drinking, fighting, drugs, and yelling. Around age 8 or 9, myself and other family members were molested by a live-in babysitter who was a 28 year old male. After all the fighting and everything else in our home, it changed a lot of things. I began withdrawing and isolating myself. I went from a straight A student to a straight F student. I felt so dirty, angry, ugly, unlovable, and ignored. Couldn't my mom see, didn't she know, did she even care, and how selfish was it of me to feel that way when she was the one being beat up everyday. How could I even tell her? Nevertheless, these feelings went on for a while until one day my mom demanded to know the truth. With a lot of resistance I finally told her.

"Shortly after that my dad showed up. I needed my dad to love, approve, and protect me. When my dad began putting me in his bed I began having what I call emotional blackouts. It stopped with me and began with my sister. When she told me I called the police and had us removed. My sister and I were taken to a Tulsa shelter for children and then to DHS where my mom and dad would both exit the elevator and dad walked out of our lives. I began lying to myself about what my dad did to me. You see when I called the police I told my sister's truth not mine. I wanted my dad to be anything other than what he was or actually what his sin had made him. I still love him very much and accept all the things that have brought me right here today and made me into the woman God called me to be.

"My mom kept me for a little while longer and then gave me a choice to go live with my grandparents or she would separate all 5 of us into foster homes. Now my own mom was giving up on me. I was delivered to my grandparents. My grandpa began touching me in ways that made my skin crawl and I remember the alcohol on his breath. I began to despise the smell of alcohol especially after a 3 day drunk.

"I began seeking attention by kissing and touching, after all I could control that part or so I thought. I began trying to find love in sexual relationships. I tried to build a marriage on sexual relationship, in fact 2 marriages on sexual relationships. My first marriage took a turn for the worst when he joined the army. I felt abandoned and I didn't know how to be alone and unprotected. I cheated, got pregnant and was faced with what I had done almost immediately. I believe God had convicted me. Consumed with guilt and the fact that I couldn't hide what I had done, I called Russell and told him. While Marvin Phillips had baptized me 7 or 8 years earlier at Garnett Church of Christ, I still had doubts about his love for me. But God was working out my salvation and still is."

To be continued.

High Standards and Generous Forgiveness

Yesterday, I was reminded of a seeming paradox in the Christian faith.

Before our preacher Ron Babbit spoke in our worship service, one of our members addressed the congregation. "Neighbor" (as he is known) stood in front of the podium to apologize and to ask for forgiveness. "Neighbor" has been a member of the Contact Church for nearly 5 years, but he has struggled with an addiction to alcohol and drugs for most of his 50-plus years of life.

A little over a week ago, one of our other members saw "Neighbor" entering a bar. "Neighbor" does not remember the details of what happened, because he was already in an alcohol and drug induced blackout. Apparently, our concerned member contacted a few other church members to try to help "Neighbor." But he responded badly to the attempt to help him, with abusive language and belligerent behavior. They could not help him. Eventually, he woke up in the county jail that evening, charged with public intoxication, and not knowing how he had managed to get into such trouble. He did not even know how he had treated fellow Christians who had tried to help him that night.

Sunday morning, he confessed his guilt. He thanked those who had tried to help him; and he asked for their forgiveness. "Neighbor" wants to do what is right with his life.

The entire congregation came forward, put our arms around him, and prayed for our friend and brother "Neighbor." Everyone loves "Neighbor" and wants him to be successful in overcoming his addiction. We want to see him living free from his sin.

What was the paradox that I noticed? On the one hand, we speak out against sins like drunkenness, cussing, hatefulness, and irresponsible behavior. We have high moral standards...such high standards that we are sometimes accused of moralism and self-righteousness. On the other hand, we are eager to offer forgiveness...so eager that we are sometimes accused of naivete and being too soft on the guilty.

We understand that every sin is an offense against God. We know that hell is deserved. We comprehend that our sins placed Christ on the cross. He died because of our sins. We know that our sins are destroying our sense of inner peace as well as our peace with God.

We also understand that God wants to forgive us. We realize that Christ sacrificed his life to forgive us and to free us from our sins. He wants us to enjoy life in heaven with him forever. We know that we need to show mercy to each other, since Christ has been merciful to us. We have received a generous dose of forgiveness, and need to extend generous forgiveness to others who have seen their need to repent.

As the Bible teaches, "At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of the righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior" (Titus 3:3-6).

Are There Really Men Like That?

The young woman's father abused her mother and repeatedly committed adultery. To this day, she does not know how many siblings she has. Her father had too many mistresses to count.

In addition, she is married to an irresponsible man. He does not keep a job for more than a few weeks at a time. He is an alcoholic.

However, the young woman has become interested in something better than she has experienced in life. She has become interested in following Christ.

While listening to a radio program one day, she heard a man explaining Ephesians 5:25 ("Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her"). The preacher encouraged men to step up and love their wives by protecting them and providing for their needs. He told them to care for their wives and children.

After listening to the program, she asked a penetrating question: "Are there really men like that?" The men in her life had been nothing like that.

Her question prompted me to consider two important thoughts:

1. Many people have never seen the Christian faith in action...at least not up close and personally. They have lived without the benefit of really knowing a committed Christian. They need to see that there really are "men like that."

2. It's okay to be different. A man who loves, protects, and provides for his family may be atypical among some people, but he is playing a vital role in making the Christian faith attractive. Followers of Jesus Christ do not need to think and act like everyone around them in order to be relevant to the culture. As Jesus said, "You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people's feet" (Matthew 5:13, English Standard Version).

The world needs a few more men and women who are different, who are involved in the lives of hurting people, and who think and act like they have been influenced by the Spirit of God.

A Frightened Little Girl

"See that you do not look down on one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven" (Matthew 18:10).

A co-worker approached me this morning with a prayer request. She was at work during the ice storm a couple of days ago. Since her husband had been laid off from his job, he was able to stay home with their 7-year old daughter. She assumed that they were safe and warm in their home.

However, in the middle of the day, a drunk (or high) man broke through their front door. He started to attack her husband. Thankfully, her husband was able to fight back. The assailant fled, but the husband had been bloodied during the unprovoked attack.

The police took a while to get to their house due to the ice storm. My co-worker's husband had protected their daughter from physical harm, but he could not find her after the attack. He did not know that he could not protect her from the emotional harm of seeing her father attacked by a crazed drug addict. With the help of the police, they finally found the daughter hiding with their dog in its shelter.

The police believe they know the identity of the criminal, so he should be in custody soon. However, the daughter cannot sleep. Her previously safe world has been violently shaken. In fact, the whole family has been shaken by the experience.

I don't know why these kinds of evil events happen to anyone, especially young and innocent children. If you are reading this, please pray for this little girl and her family. They feel vulnerable and scared.

Poverty

"The poor you will always have with you..." (Matthew 26:11).

I have been thinking about Jesus' comment that we will always have the poor with us. Why would he say that?

I have come to believe that Jesus considered poverty a perpetual problem in this life because of its multifaceted and complex causes. This is a list of a few of the causes of poverty that I have observed over the years:

1. Disabilities. People with mental, physical, and emotional disabilities can have a difficult time finding and retaining jobs that pay living wages. Their disabilities may be congenital, or they may be due to injury. A mentally retarded man will not make good wages, no matter how hard he works. A wheelchair-bound woman with ALS will not be able to work. A man with schizophrenia will have great difficulty retaining his job. Furthermore, as much as they need it, those with disabilities will find it more difficult to find a job that offers health care benefits.

2. Dysfunctional Families/Divorce. Unstable families, divorce, and couples who live together outside of marriage create disadvantaged children. These children grow up dealing with issues of distrust and insecurity. Often, they deal with depression and the cultivation of unhealthy relationships. They look for love, but tend to find it in the wrong places. They can have emotional scars that hinder their ability to make wise choices in life. They are more likely to repeat the sins of their parents and repeat the cycle for the next generation. Since divorce and single parenthood disrupts family income, poverty often follows.

When a child grows up physically, sexually, or emotionally abused, the impact follows him or her throughout life. They will be prone to depression or to violence or to both. They will be haunted by their past. It will be terribly hard for them to make wise decisions about their future as they run from their past. Suicide is a strong temptation in their worldview. They do not have the strength to fight their battles alone. They were robbed of their dignity in childhood. They will face very difficult days as adults. Their finances are merely one of their problems.

3. Drug and Alcohol Abuse. Drug addicts and drunkards have very difficult lives. They do not enjoy healthy relationships. They have trouble finding and maintaining good jobs. Sometimes the drug and alcohol abuse starts as a result of the first two causes of poverty. They try to self-medicate in an effort to escape their problems of physical, emotional, or mental pain. Sometimes the addiction starts because of an effort to fit in with friends who are abusing drugs and alcohol. They make irrationally bad choices. In either case, drug and alcohol abuse does nothing but harm. Furthermore, if they become sober after spending time in jail or prison, the likelihood of ever finding a job paying above minimum wage is almost non-existent.

So do we give up on people in these kinds of situations? No. We come alongside them and become their friends. We share our time, resources, advice, and faith. They need true friends. They need the hope that comes from Christ. They need a new start to life, and the encouragement to persevere when the times get tough. Wealthier Christians do not need to passively shake their heads in sadness over their plights. Everyone can help in some way.

The Little Girl

I listen to country music on the radio. For the past few months, I have been hearing The Little Girl, a beautiful song by John Michael Montgomery. Every day, the positive and negative aspects of this song are being played out in the lives of real people. These are the lyrics from www.cowboylyrics.com:

Her parents never took the young girl to church
Never spoke of His name
Never read her His word
Two non-believers walking lost in this world
Took their baby girl with them
What a sad little girl

Her daddy drank all day and mommy did drugs
Never wanted to play
Or give kisses and hugs
She'd watch the TV and sit there on the couch
While her mom fell asleep
And her daddy went out

And the drinking and the fighting
just got worse every night
Behind their couch she'd be hiding
Oh what a sad little life
And like it always does, the bad just got worse
With every slap and every curse
Until her daddy in a drunk rage one night
Used a gun on her mom and then took his life

And some people from the city took the girl far away
To a new mom and a new dad
kisses and hugs everyday
Her first day of Sunday school the teacher walked in
And a small little girl
Stared at a picture of Him

She said I know that man up there on that cross
I don't know His name
But I know He got off
Cause He was there in my old house
and held me close to His side
As I hid there behind our couch
The night that my parents died

Tender Hearts in the Church

"Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment!" (James 2:12-13)

The following is an excerpt from our minister Ron Babbit's newsletter to supporters of his ministry with the Contact Church of Christ. The Contact Church is an urban ministry, dependent upon the support of individual Christians and congregations who want to support mission work in the inner city of Tulsa, Oklahoma.

"Please read below and 'listen' to a battle of the heart. This is often true of the lives that walk the halls at Contact Church. GOD keeps sending hearts who are searching for acceptance, answers, healing and direction in their lives...

"'Dear Mama, I really don't know where to begin. All I do know is I love you very much and wish things could have been different. The reason I'm writing this letter is to let you know how your drinking, drugging and choices have affected my life and how it affected the choices I've made. They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but sometimes it leaves you very scared, confused, and lonely. Sometimes trying to carry out your own death. I can remember the fight when I was about 5 or 6 years old. It's so loud! Screaming, yelling, and you breaking all the dishes. Me, I'm screaming and crying and covering my ears. You guys are so lost in whatever you're fighting about that I feel scared for you, and for me. I'm ignored, maybe I don't matter, but you do, you are my mommy. It's all those big parties at our house. A lot of drinking, drugging and fighting. With me and my siblings, the drinking would start and the fear would kick in because we knew what was coming. So we seemed to act accordingly, arguing, fighting to get attention because we are ignored...By 8 or 9 years of age, I'm already comfortable with the inconsistent chaos in my life. I'm angry and hurt, lonely, afraid and unimportant. I'm to blame and I'm also powerless. I must do what you say when you tell me and not have any feelings or responses or reactions to it or I will be punished. You told me to tell the truth but then taught me to deny my reality. I had valid feelings and you told me to dry it up and stop crying. So I learned to suppress my emotions to the point that I couldn't even figure out any one single emotion. When men started molesting me, I couldn't tell you the truth because I might be punished or you wouldn't believe me. I just needed to talk to you without fear. I needed you so bad and you weren't available. I watched you become something I couldn't attach to! I tried several times seeking that bond with you, the need to be loved, comforted, held and accepted. Somehow I just wasn't good enough. At age 12 you sent me away...I was the problem and if I would go away then everyone else would be happy. Thus I have lived my life feeling responsible for others' behaviors. I've let others' opinions play a huge part in my decisions in life. I finally stopped trying to reach out to you because I was rejected, abandoned and hurt by you! Then I started reaching out to guys because I could give them what they wanted and briefly get a little of what I needed. But it was never enough to take it away.

"'By age 15, full of anger, I was seeking men, drugs, alcohol, attempted suicide, all temporary releases of emotions. All to change the way I feel. By the age of 20, I married someone who didn't drink or do drugs. Surely he was my Knight in Shining Armor. Maybe, but by now I'm the Queen of Chaos. I did everything to destroy that because I couldn't live in a nice stable, drug-free home with family who talked to each other and expressed healthy emotions and trusted one another. Of course I blamed them for everything...When that marriage ended, I was even more abandoned...I tried to take my own life. I had absolutely no value then. But I had my boys who I wanted to be a good mommy to. I read everything I could and I began to fight for them to protect them.

"' I met someone who would abuse me physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. That's what I thought I deserved. Over 8 years of time, I would lose my boys, give birth to 2 girls, get married, get my boys back, loose all my children, drinking, drugging, fight, scream, yet hate myself, hate him and neglect my children. All during this, I was searching for GOD. Seeking to stay clean, fighting to stay alive, and fighting for my children to be heard. All the while I was fighting for me to be heard, I suffered broken bones. While pregnant I was kicked many times, choked numerous times, and had my life threatened daily. I have successfully created the chaos and the neglect and the emotionally hostile environment. I seriously wanted to change the way I felt the whole time.

"'Finally when my girls were molested, I gave up the fight. I called for help. The only way I know how to live is with the drinking, drugging, fighting, emotional and verbal abuse. I'm at present making better choices, leaving my husband who has no desire to change his life. I have committed my life to the LORD by being baptized into CHRIST. I got my 2 girls back and they are living with me and I am in the process of receiving my education.'

(Ron Babbit concludes with his own comments)

"Thanks for praying for the Contact family. Our friend travels by public transportation and some of the Contact family members are also stepping up, getting involved, helping with transportation and loving others. Since our friend isn't bashful, she has invited many to services and we are currently reading the WORD with other families because of her love for the LORD. Praise GOD for HIS healing of her heart. Thanks again for your partnership of souls. GOD bless you. We love you,
Ron and Judy Babbit"

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