"Just as there were many who were appalled at him---
his appearance was so disfigured beyond that of any man
and his form marred beyond human likeness---" (Isaiah 52:14, NIV).
Like most people, I have never seen a crucifixion. But I have read enough to visualize the scene as Jesus Christ was crucified.
I see a man who has been beaten nearly to death. His eyes and face are swollen and bruised from the hits. The gaping gashes repulse the onlookers. The crown of thorns leaves streams of blood flowing down his forehead into his eyes before they mix with tears.
He is sweating, yet shivering from the shock his body is enduring. He needs to double over in pain, but the nails in his hands and feet prevent any such movement from his body. He gasps for breath with every once of remaining strength. He hacks and coughs with convulsions, but manages to force out a few words of love and forgiveness.
Finally, the struggle ceases. The end of the torment has arrived.
Those who love him are in a state of disbelief. How could this have happened? Why did he allow this? Where is God? Could they not have left his clothes on at the very least? Why go to so much trouble to humiliate him? How could anyone hate Jesus so much? What's the purpose in this atrocity?
When I think about the cross of Christ, I want to remember how much Jesus endured for me. Although he looked like a victim needing to be rescued, Christ was a hero giving everything he had to rescue me. I want to remember how much pain my sins caused him, and I want it to motivate me to avoid further sins. I want to remember how much Christ loved me and his Father, and I want to duplicate such love for God and people. I want the crucifixion to be a continual catalyst for change that will honor God in my life.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
No More Jellyfish, Chickens, or Wimps (Part 5)
With my final installment in my review of Paul Coughlin's No More Jellyfish, Chickens, or Wimps, I will focus on his advice for bullying. Too many children are bullied by other children because:
1. They do not know how to avoid being targets of bullies.
2. They are incapable, because of mental or physical disabilities, of avoiding being targets of bullies.
3. "Innocent" bystanders allow or encourage the bullying of these children.
Mr. Coughlin writes, "Bullies and related criminals look for people who exhibit what they call a 'victim's stance':
*Faces pointed down
*Eyes too quick to make eye contact with others; eyes unfocused
*Hunched shoulders
*Arms that are close to their bodies, revealing a more protective pose
*Short, unsure steps
"The Protectors teaches kids how to tower, not cower. For example:
*Stand up straight
*Chest out instead of in
*Steady eye contact with level chin
*Walk with purpose and energy
*Look confident while seated
*Girls: Don't carry your books by hugging them to your chest, which makes your shoulders curl forward" (pp.177-178).
Those simple tips will go far in preventing bullying, because bullies look for the weak and avoid the strong.
However, some children will not be able to avoid being victims of bullies. In such cases, bystanders must be taught and encouraged to intervene on behalf of victims. "Most bullying would not take place if it weren't for the display of power they want others to witness. Bystanders vastly outnumber both predators and prey...The reason for their lack of intervention comes down to basic human nature. The indifferent, confused, and/or fearful masses who witness bullying are urged from within not to be courageous and protective but to shrink instead" (p. 147).
We have a moral obligation to act on behalf of victims of injustice whenever we can. As the Bible teaches, "Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act" (Proverbs 3:27, NIV).
No More Jellyfish, Chickens, or Wimps should be required reading for every parent, school teacher, and minister. It is full of valuable insights. I highly recommend it and Mr. Coughlin's web site http://theprotectors.org, featuring a faith-based response to bullying on campus.
1. They do not know how to avoid being targets of bullies.
2. They are incapable, because of mental or physical disabilities, of avoiding being targets of bullies.
3. "Innocent" bystanders allow or encourage the bullying of these children.
Mr. Coughlin writes, "Bullies and related criminals look for people who exhibit what they call a 'victim's stance':
*Faces pointed down
*Eyes too quick to make eye contact with others; eyes unfocused
*Hunched shoulders
*Arms that are close to their bodies, revealing a more protective pose
*Short, unsure steps
"The Protectors teaches kids how to tower, not cower. For example:
*Stand up straight
*Chest out instead of in
*Steady eye contact with level chin
*Walk with purpose and energy
*Look confident while seated
*Girls: Don't carry your books by hugging them to your chest, which makes your shoulders curl forward" (pp.177-178).
Those simple tips will go far in preventing bullying, because bullies look for the weak and avoid the strong.
However, some children will not be able to avoid being victims of bullies. In such cases, bystanders must be taught and encouraged to intervene on behalf of victims. "Most bullying would not take place if it weren't for the display of power they want others to witness. Bystanders vastly outnumber both predators and prey...The reason for their lack of intervention comes down to basic human nature. The indifferent, confused, and/or fearful masses who witness bullying are urged from within not to be courageous and protective but to shrink instead" (p. 147).
We have a moral obligation to act on behalf of victims of injustice whenever we can. As the Bible teaches, "Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act" (Proverbs 3:27, NIV).
No More Jellyfish, Chickens, or Wimps should be required reading for every parent, school teacher, and minister. It is full of valuable insights. I highly recommend it and Mr. Coughlin's web site http://theprotectors.org, featuring a faith-based response to bullying on campus.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
A Funny Easter Story
"A cheerful heart is good medicine,
but a crushed spirit dries up the bones" (Proverbs 17:22, NIV).
Check out http://adisciplesthoughts.blogspot.com/2007/08/communication-problems.html for my favorite funny Easter story.
but a crushed spirit dries up the bones" (Proverbs 17:22, NIV).
Check out http://adisciplesthoughts.blogspot.com/2007/08/communication-problems.html for my favorite funny Easter story.
No More Jellyfish, Chickens, or Wimps (Part4)
"Discretion will protect you,
and understanding will guard you" (Proverbs 2:11, NIV).
In his book No More Jellyfish, Chickens, or Wimps, Paul Coughlin devotes one chapter to stopping adult predators from preying on our children. These are some of his tips:
*"Teach your child to say to a stranger, or to someone they know but do not trust, 'I didn't ask for your help, and I don't want it. Leave me alone.' This isn't wrong. It's wise" (p. 83). Predators build trust and a sense of obligation by appearing to be helpful.
*"Teach your child he does not have to answer every question put to him. In some cases, short answers like 'Whatever' are appropriate" (p. 84). This is useful when a predator asks something like, "You're not too scared to disagree with your parents, are you?" A child does not need to play stupid mind games.
*Teach your child to refuse to negotiate with people they do not trust. If your daughter wants to refuse help, she should not say, "I really appreciate your offer, but let me try to do it myself first." Instead she should say, "Bug off!" "Teach her to look a person in the eyes with strength, to walk away, and to be loud if necessary. De Becker says, 'You cannot turn a decent man into a violent one by being momentarily rude, but you can present yourself as an ideal target by appearing too timid" (p. 85).
*"If your kid is lost in public, train him to ask a woman for help before asking a man" (p.85). Contrary to conventional wisdom, a mother is more likely than a father to physically abuse her child. However, conventional wisdom is correct in believing that a woman is less likely to be a sexual predator. An unknown woman is usually safer for a child who is lost.
*"Kids need to know we'll protect them" (p.88). They need to know that we are safe. We will listen without criticism. We will not punish them. We will not be devastated. We will be strong enough to deal with the situation. We will defend them even if it means going up against a family member, friend, or authority figure (like a teacher, coach, minister, or police officer). Our children will be protected from predators.
*The National Alert Registry (http://www.registeredoffenderslist.org) can help us be aware of convicted sex offenders in our areas, so that we can avoid them if possible or watch them closely if necessary. The National Alert Registry charges $10 for its services. However, you may be able to get the same information for free by searching the Internet for your state government's sex offender registry. I did a search this morning and found Oklahoma's sex offenders registry at http://docapp8.doc.state.ok.us/servlet/page?_pageid=190&_dad=portal30&_schema=PORTAL30.
and understanding will guard you" (Proverbs 2:11, NIV).
In his book No More Jellyfish, Chickens, or Wimps, Paul Coughlin devotes one chapter to stopping adult predators from preying on our children. These are some of his tips:
*"Teach your child to say to a stranger, or to someone they know but do not trust, 'I didn't ask for your help, and I don't want it. Leave me alone.' This isn't wrong. It's wise" (p. 83). Predators build trust and a sense of obligation by appearing to be helpful.
*"Teach your child he does not have to answer every question put to him. In some cases, short answers like 'Whatever' are appropriate" (p. 84). This is useful when a predator asks something like, "You're not too scared to disagree with your parents, are you?" A child does not need to play stupid mind games.
*Teach your child to refuse to negotiate with people they do not trust. If your daughter wants to refuse help, she should not say, "I really appreciate your offer, but let me try to do it myself first." Instead she should say, "Bug off!" "Teach her to look a person in the eyes with strength, to walk away, and to be loud if necessary. De Becker says, 'You cannot turn a decent man into a violent one by being momentarily rude, but you can present yourself as an ideal target by appearing too timid" (p. 85).
*"If your kid is lost in public, train him to ask a woman for help before asking a man" (p.85). Contrary to conventional wisdom, a mother is more likely than a father to physically abuse her child. However, conventional wisdom is correct in believing that a woman is less likely to be a sexual predator. An unknown woman is usually safer for a child who is lost.
*"Kids need to know we'll protect them" (p.88). They need to know that we are safe. We will listen without criticism. We will not punish them. We will not be devastated. We will be strong enough to deal with the situation. We will defend them even if it means going up against a family member, friend, or authority figure (like a teacher, coach, minister, or police officer). Our children will be protected from predators.
*The National Alert Registry (http://www.registeredoffenderslist.org) can help us be aware of convicted sex offenders in our areas, so that we can avoid them if possible or watch them closely if necessary. The National Alert Registry charges $10 for its services. However, you may be able to get the same information for free by searching the Internet for your state government's sex offender registry. I did a search this morning and found Oklahoma's sex offenders registry at http://docapp8.doc.state.ok.us/servlet/page?_pageid=190&_dad=portal30&_schema=PORTAL30.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Christ, Our Life
"When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory" (Colossians 3:4, NIV).
I cannot think of a passage in the Bible that defines the Christian life with so few words. Christ is our life. He defines it. He gives it purpose and meaning. He gives it passion. He gives it hope. What a powerful verse!
I cannot think of a passage in the Bible that defines the Christian life with so few words. Christ is our life. He defines it. He gives it purpose and meaning. He gives it passion. He gives it hope. What a powerful verse!
Sunday, March 16, 2008
What Can I Do to Improve the Situation?
"'So I will come near to you for judgment. I will be quick to testify against sorcerers, adulterers, and perjurers, against those who defraud laborers of their wages, who oppress the widows and the fatherless, and deprive aliens of justice, but do not fear me,' says the LORD Almighty" (Malachi 3:5, NIV).
Recently my co-workers and I discovered that the vast majority of us would be losing between 10-25% of our income and between 26-52 days off per year (meaning working every other Saturday or every Saturday). This may be the most difficult and stressful year on our jobs in quite a while.
I have been thinking about how to respond. My family and I will be hurt by this, but so will nearly every co-worker and his or her family. (Many of them will hurt worse. Some part-time employees may lose their jobs entirely.) Will I spend the year whining about the injustice? Will I become lazy, thinking that by doing less on my job I will get even? No, those are childish and counter-productive responses.
I remember something that Indianapolis Colts coach Tony Dungy's father said to him when things were not going his way: "What are you going to do to improve the situation?" (That may not be an exact quote, because I gave my copy of his book Quiet Strength to a co-worker whose son recently died of an accidental drug overdose. I can't look up the exact quote.)
Last night, I attended a district meeting of my labor union and signed up to become a delegate to the state convention for this summer. I do not know exactly how I can help my friends at work and myself, but I know that becoming more involved in my union can help. I will be able to gain more information. I will be able to propose and vote on resolutions that may help in future contract negotiations. I do not know if I can help improve the situation, but I feel the need to try.
Of course, I will also be praying, finding ways to spend less money over the next year, and trying to keep my co-workers from becoming too discouraged and frustrated.
Recently my co-workers and I discovered that the vast majority of us would be losing between 10-25% of our income and between 26-52 days off per year (meaning working every other Saturday or every Saturday). This may be the most difficult and stressful year on our jobs in quite a while.
I have been thinking about how to respond. My family and I will be hurt by this, but so will nearly every co-worker and his or her family. (Many of them will hurt worse. Some part-time employees may lose their jobs entirely.) Will I spend the year whining about the injustice? Will I become lazy, thinking that by doing less on my job I will get even? No, those are childish and counter-productive responses.
I remember something that Indianapolis Colts coach Tony Dungy's father said to him when things were not going his way: "What are you going to do to improve the situation?" (That may not be an exact quote, because I gave my copy of his book Quiet Strength to a co-worker whose son recently died of an accidental drug overdose. I can't look up the exact quote.)
Last night, I attended a district meeting of my labor union and signed up to become a delegate to the state convention for this summer. I do not know exactly how I can help my friends at work and myself, but I know that becoming more involved in my union can help. I will be able to gain more information. I will be able to propose and vote on resolutions that may help in future contract negotiations. I do not know if I can help improve the situation, but I feel the need to try.
Of course, I will also be praying, finding ways to spend less money over the next year, and trying to keep my co-workers from becoming too discouraged and frustrated.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Peacemaking for Families: Teaching Children to Make Peace
These are my notes for my Sunday morning Bible class at the Contact Church of Christ:
*Once, Jesus was asked to tell people the greatest commandment. "Jesus replied, 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments" (Matthew 22:37-40, NIV). This is the heart of living life well. It is the heart of peacemaking. Living for the glory of God and loving others as ourselves will mold us into peacemakers.
*Our children need to learn how to be peacemakers. Conflict comes naturally. Peacemaking must be learned. Living for one's self comes naturally. Living for God must be learned. Loving one's self comes naturally. Loving others just as much must be learned. Sometimes my son asks, "Dad, why do you love God?" I take the opportunity to let him know that God made me, saved me from the punishment I deserved, gave me the life that I'm living, and has answered my prayers. How would he know reasons for loving God if he had not been taught anything about him? In a similar way, peacemaking skills must be taught.
*Ken Sande and Tom Raabe wrote, "Some conflicts call for friendly discussion, teaching, and respectful debate (see John 3:1-21; 2 Timothy 2:24-26). In other situations we should overlook offenses, lay down rights, and do good to those who wrong us (see Luke 6:27-28; 9:51-56; Matthew 17:24-27). Sometimes love requires gentle confrontation or a firm rebuke (see John 4:1-42; Matthew 23:13-29). Above all, we need to be willing to forgive others just as in Christ God forgave us (see Luke 23:34; Ephesians 4:32)" (Peacemaking for Families, p. 114).
*Peacemaking skills are crucial in order to succeed in life. In ungodly cultures, Joseph, Daniel, and Esther became influential leaders who made a difference without compromising their integrity or faith. They stood for what was right while treating others with respect, firmness, and forgiveness. We can do the same and teach our children those same skills. Ken Sande wrote, "I have hired, promoted, and fired people. These decisions were rarely based primarily on a person's technical skills. What I have valued most in an employee or manager is the ability to work as part of a team, to maintain strong relationships, and to build consensus so a group's gifts and energies stay focused on the project at hand. These are the skills of a peacemaker; and they are the same skills that will help your children succeed in the vocations to which God calls them" (p. 115).
*Peacemaking skills also enable our children to have great marriages and families. When we engage in conflict properly and forgive freely, we guard against resentment and divorce.
*We must remember that peacemaking comes from our faith in Jesus Christ. Ken Sande wrote, "We must remember that the most important requirement of peacemaking is to understand who we are in Jesus Christ. Before the apostle Paul tells the Colossians what they should do, he reminds them of who they are: 'Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience' (Colossians 3:12)" (p. 116).
*As we teach our children peacemaking skills, we want to help them diagnose their own hearts. Instead of condemning them when they mishandle conflict, we should ask them questions to help them see where they went wrong. Then we should instruct them and remind them of God's forgiveness and freedom.
*Finally, we need to be intentional in teaching our children the peacemaking skills they need. We need to become good examples for them. We must not live in denial of conflict nor flee from it. We must not lash out at others, blaming them for all our problems. We must never refuse to forgive. We must confess our sins with humility and try to change. We must confront others with love. We must be merciful and forgiving.
*Use opportunities to teach. When your children are in conflict with others, help them to see how they could handle it. When reading a book, watching television, or watching a movie, look for the conflicts. Ask questions. Is the main character avoiding conflict, attacking in response, or trying to resolve conflict? Is he being wise? Is she being a coward or courageous? What is driving him to do what he's doing? What are the consequences she may face? How would you handle their situation? Good questions can prepare a child to make good choices.
Teaching children to be peacemakers takes time and practice, but it can be worth it.
*Once, Jesus was asked to tell people the greatest commandment. "Jesus replied, 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments" (Matthew 22:37-40, NIV). This is the heart of living life well. It is the heart of peacemaking. Living for the glory of God and loving others as ourselves will mold us into peacemakers.
*Our children need to learn how to be peacemakers. Conflict comes naturally. Peacemaking must be learned. Living for one's self comes naturally. Living for God must be learned. Loving one's self comes naturally. Loving others just as much must be learned. Sometimes my son asks, "Dad, why do you love God?" I take the opportunity to let him know that God made me, saved me from the punishment I deserved, gave me the life that I'm living, and has answered my prayers. How would he know reasons for loving God if he had not been taught anything about him? In a similar way, peacemaking skills must be taught.
*Ken Sande and Tom Raabe wrote, "Some conflicts call for friendly discussion, teaching, and respectful debate (see John 3:1-21; 2 Timothy 2:24-26). In other situations we should overlook offenses, lay down rights, and do good to those who wrong us (see Luke 6:27-28; 9:51-56; Matthew 17:24-27). Sometimes love requires gentle confrontation or a firm rebuke (see John 4:1-42; Matthew 23:13-29). Above all, we need to be willing to forgive others just as in Christ God forgave us (see Luke 23:34; Ephesians 4:32)" (Peacemaking for Families, p. 114).
*Peacemaking skills are crucial in order to succeed in life. In ungodly cultures, Joseph, Daniel, and Esther became influential leaders who made a difference without compromising their integrity or faith. They stood for what was right while treating others with respect, firmness, and forgiveness. We can do the same and teach our children those same skills. Ken Sande wrote, "I have hired, promoted, and fired people. These decisions were rarely based primarily on a person's technical skills. What I have valued most in an employee or manager is the ability to work as part of a team, to maintain strong relationships, and to build consensus so a group's gifts and energies stay focused on the project at hand. These are the skills of a peacemaker; and they are the same skills that will help your children succeed in the vocations to which God calls them" (p. 115).
*Peacemaking skills also enable our children to have great marriages and families. When we engage in conflict properly and forgive freely, we guard against resentment and divorce.
*We must remember that peacemaking comes from our faith in Jesus Christ. Ken Sande wrote, "We must remember that the most important requirement of peacemaking is to understand who we are in Jesus Christ. Before the apostle Paul tells the Colossians what they should do, he reminds them of who they are: 'Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience' (Colossians 3:12)" (p. 116).
*As we teach our children peacemaking skills, we want to help them diagnose their own hearts. Instead of condemning them when they mishandle conflict, we should ask them questions to help them see where they went wrong. Then we should instruct them and remind them of God's forgiveness and freedom.
*Finally, we need to be intentional in teaching our children the peacemaking skills they need. We need to become good examples for them. We must not live in denial of conflict nor flee from it. We must not lash out at others, blaming them for all our problems. We must never refuse to forgive. We must confess our sins with humility and try to change. We must confront others with love. We must be merciful and forgiving.
*Use opportunities to teach. When your children are in conflict with others, help them to see how they could handle it. When reading a book, watching television, or watching a movie, look for the conflicts. Ask questions. Is the main character avoiding conflict, attacking in response, or trying to resolve conflict? Is he being wise? Is she being a coward or courageous? What is driving him to do what he's doing? What are the consequences she may face? How would you handle their situation? Good questions can prepare a child to make good choices.
Teaching children to be peacemakers takes time and practice, but it can be worth it.
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