"Whoever desires to love life
and see good days,
let him keep his tongue from evil
and his lips from speaking deceit;
let him turn away from evil and do
good;
let him seek peace and pursue it.
"For the eyes of the Lord are on the
righteous,
and his ears are open to their prayer.
But the face of the Lord is against those
who do evil" (1 Peter 3:10-12).
Showing posts with label Peace. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Peace. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Pure Religion
"Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world" (James 1:27).
James 1:27 is our family's latest memory verse.
As we have been working on memorizing it, we have had a few conversations about its meaning.
As I have looked at the Scripture, I have been struck by its first word: Religion. It refers to a devotion that ties one to God. James mentions that it can be pure and undefiled before God, implying that some religion can also be impure and defiled. It's been popular in recent decades to say, "Christianity isn't a religion. It's a relationship." I understand the sentiment, but I prefer James' way of looking at it. Inspired by the Holy Spirit, he sees Christianity as a religion that can be pure and undefiled. He sees the Christian faith as something good and wholesome...something that connects us to the Father in a very positive way.
Then the verse focuses on what makes this religion pure and undefiled.
First, it asserts that pure and undefiled religion cares about people in need, especially orphans and widows who have no one to care for them. An impure and defiled religion would ignore or minimize the needs of people who are suffering. But Christianity, in its purest form, is a faith that takes the needs of people seriously. We follow Christ when we visit someone in the hospital, adopt an orphan, make a phone call to a widow, spend a day with a disabled man, read the Bible to a child whose parents do not believe, or sponsor a child in a poverty-stricken country. Pure religion prompts us to care about people who are suffering to the point that we will take action.
Second, the Scripture states that pure and undefiled religion motivates us to keep ourselves unstained from the world. We can do this in a number of ways:
~By accepting the word of God with humility (James 1:21)
~By eliminating our prejudice against the poor (James 2:1-13)
~By putting our faith into action (James 2:14-26)
~By controlling our words (James 3:1-12)
~By replacing envy and selfish ambition with a godly perspective of peacefulness, gentleness, reasonableness, mercy, impartiality, sincerity, humility, fairness, patience, and good conduct (James 3-5)
This kind of religion is not only pure and undefiled; it's compelling.
James 1:27 is our family's latest memory verse.
As we have been working on memorizing it, we have had a few conversations about its meaning.
As I have looked at the Scripture, I have been struck by its first word: Religion. It refers to a devotion that ties one to God. James mentions that it can be pure and undefiled before God, implying that some religion can also be impure and defiled. It's been popular in recent decades to say, "Christianity isn't a religion. It's a relationship." I understand the sentiment, but I prefer James' way of looking at it. Inspired by the Holy Spirit, he sees Christianity as a religion that can be pure and undefiled. He sees the Christian faith as something good and wholesome...something that connects us to the Father in a very positive way.
Then the verse focuses on what makes this religion pure and undefiled.
First, it asserts that pure and undefiled religion cares about people in need, especially orphans and widows who have no one to care for them. An impure and defiled religion would ignore or minimize the needs of people who are suffering. But Christianity, in its purest form, is a faith that takes the needs of people seriously. We follow Christ when we visit someone in the hospital, adopt an orphan, make a phone call to a widow, spend a day with a disabled man, read the Bible to a child whose parents do not believe, or sponsor a child in a poverty-stricken country. Pure religion prompts us to care about people who are suffering to the point that we will take action.
Second, the Scripture states that pure and undefiled religion motivates us to keep ourselves unstained from the world. We can do this in a number of ways:
~By accepting the word of God with humility (James 1:21)
~By eliminating our prejudice against the poor (James 2:1-13)
~By putting our faith into action (James 2:14-26)
~By controlling our words (James 3:1-12)
~By replacing envy and selfish ambition with a godly perspective of peacefulness, gentleness, reasonableness, mercy, impartiality, sincerity, humility, fairness, patience, and good conduct (James 3-5)
This kind of religion is not only pure and undefiled; it's compelling.
Sunday, April 04, 2010
A Good Way to Relate to People Who Don't Share Your Christian Convictions
In addition to co-hosting the FamilyLife Today radio program, Bob Lepine serves as a pastor of Redeemer Community Church in Little Rock, Arkansas. Each week, he writes something for the church's blog (http://redeemerlr.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=section&layout=blog&id=8&Itemid=50). This is a portion from his excellent post on March 31, 2010:
"After I had finished speaking last week at the TrueWoman10 conference in Chattanooga, I had a wife come up to me seeking counsel. It was obvious that God had been stirring in her own heart at this event. But as she contemplated going home, she was discouraged.
"Her husband, she said, professes faith in Christ, but his life doesn't match his profession. She finds herself conflicted between wanting to live a life that is wholly consecrated to Christ and a desire to live in oneness with her husband. What should she do?
"I gave her some general counsel about not compromising her faith, while seeking to win her husband without a word. Mary Ann and I prayed for her, and we were done.
"Later, I thought about what I wished I had told her.
"I wish I had told her that her holiness matters to God and she should seek to live a life that is righteous, morally upright and blameless. At the same time she should be careful not to parade her holiness before her husband. God cares about her obedience to Him. But her desire for holiness isn't what will make her walk with Christ attractive to her husband.
"Instead, it is as her life manifests the fruit of the Spirit--love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control--that her husband will see in her qualities that he desires to be true in his own life.
"God does indeed care about her moral convictions and standards, but her husband won't. He will not be impressed by the things she says 'no' to.
"But as she kindly, compassionately, humbly loves and serves him, looking for ways to bless him and support him and encourage him, he'll find himself being drawn to the Christ he sees in her.
"I believe that principle is true in all of our relationships with people who don't share our spiritual convictions. They won't be drawn to Christ primarily because our arguments for the Christian life make sense to them. And they won't be drawn to Christ because we live lives with a commitment to a higher moral standard than they do.
"Ultimately, the only thing that will draw them to Christ is the Spirit of God working through the word of God. Faith comes by hearing a message about Christ.
"But when we live lives marked by self-sacrifice and love for others, we show the power of Christ at work in our own lives. And that can help soften the soil of a human heart to make it more ready to receive the seed of God's word when it comes.
"Would the people who know you best--a spouse, your children, family members, co-workers--would they say that you are a person who radiates love? Joy? Peace? Patience? And all the rest?
"The same power that raised Christ from the dead is at work in you. It is His power at work in you that makes it possible for you to live the kind of life that puts His glory and grace on display."
"After I had finished speaking last week at the TrueWoman10 conference in Chattanooga, I had a wife come up to me seeking counsel. It was obvious that God had been stirring in her own heart at this event. But as she contemplated going home, she was discouraged.
"Her husband, she said, professes faith in Christ, but his life doesn't match his profession. She finds herself conflicted between wanting to live a life that is wholly consecrated to Christ and a desire to live in oneness with her husband. What should she do?
"I gave her some general counsel about not compromising her faith, while seeking to win her husband without a word. Mary Ann and I prayed for her, and we were done.
"Later, I thought about what I wished I had told her.
"I wish I had told her that her holiness matters to God and she should seek to live a life that is righteous, morally upright and blameless. At the same time she should be careful not to parade her holiness before her husband. God cares about her obedience to Him. But her desire for holiness isn't what will make her walk with Christ attractive to her husband.
"Instead, it is as her life manifests the fruit of the Spirit--love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control--that her husband will see in her qualities that he desires to be true in his own life.
"God does indeed care about her moral convictions and standards, but her husband won't. He will not be impressed by the things she says 'no' to.
"But as she kindly, compassionately, humbly loves and serves him, looking for ways to bless him and support him and encourage him, he'll find himself being drawn to the Christ he sees in her.
"I believe that principle is true in all of our relationships with people who don't share our spiritual convictions. They won't be drawn to Christ primarily because our arguments for the Christian life make sense to them. And they won't be drawn to Christ because we live lives with a commitment to a higher moral standard than they do.
"Ultimately, the only thing that will draw them to Christ is the Spirit of God working through the word of God. Faith comes by hearing a message about Christ.
"But when we live lives marked by self-sacrifice and love for others, we show the power of Christ at work in our own lives. And that can help soften the soil of a human heart to make it more ready to receive the seed of God's word when it comes.
"Would the people who know you best--a spouse, your children, family members, co-workers--would they say that you are a person who radiates love? Joy? Peace? Patience? And all the rest?
"The same power that raised Christ from the dead is at work in you. It is His power at work in you that makes it possible for you to live the kind of life that puts His glory and grace on display."
Saturday, March 20, 2010
The Evil Desires of Youth May Not Be What You Think
This is a passage from The Strength of a Man by David Roper. The Scripture quotations are from the New International Version of the Bible. His books are available from Discovery House Publishers at www.dhp.org.
"Most of us are biblically educated beyond our character, perhaps because we confuse the means with the end. We falsely assume that the purpose of Bible study is mere learning, a fallacy particularly characteristic of those of us who take the Bible straight.
"But mere orthodoxy is never enough. Even the demons are orthodox (James 2:19). They study the Bible too. They make their own prophetic charts and draw their own theological lines, but the Book doesn't alter their behavior. They're devilish to the end.
"In Paul's second letter to Timothy, he encouraged his young friend to be an approved workman 'who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth' (2 Timothy 2:15).
"The word here translated 'who correctly handles' means 'one who goes for a goal.' Classical Greek writers used the word of road builders who cut their way straight through a forest to a predetermined location. The Septuagint (the first Greek translation of the Old Testament) used the word in the last phrase of Proverbs 3:6. 'In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight (direct you to the goal)."
"Paul contrasted good Bible study with the flawed methods of those who were 'quarreling about words,' which he said, 'is of no value, and only ruins those who listen' (2:14). Further, 'godless chatter'--mere discussion of the Bible without the goal of godliness--will make one become 'more and more ungodly' (2:16). Ironically, God's Word, when misused, can make us less and less like God!
"Paul therefore warns Timothy to 'flee the evil desires of youth' (2:22), a command that in context has little or nothing to do with youthful sexual desires. Paul rather had in mind the wrong-headed passion of the young and the immature to argue about meaning--'word-fight' is the term he coins. Those who mishandle God's Word in this way are workmen who ought to be ashamed.
"Instead of arguing about meaning, Timothy was to 'pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart' (2:22). In other words, he was to seek God and his goodness through the Book. To do so is to handle the Word correctly--to go straight to the goal.
"The purpose of Bible study is clear. It ought to produce worship and make us more and more like our Lord. To the extent that we read the Scriptures for that reason our Bible reading is valid; to the extent that we do not, it's nonproductive. Worse, it's counterproductive, making us less and less like our Lord. Thus the hymnist prayed:
"Beyond the sacred page, I seek Thee, Lord,
My spirit pants for Thee, O living Word."
(Pages 70-71)
"Most of us are biblically educated beyond our character, perhaps because we confuse the means with the end. We falsely assume that the purpose of Bible study is mere learning, a fallacy particularly characteristic of those of us who take the Bible straight.
"But mere orthodoxy is never enough. Even the demons are orthodox (James 2:19). They study the Bible too. They make their own prophetic charts and draw their own theological lines, but the Book doesn't alter their behavior. They're devilish to the end.
"In Paul's second letter to Timothy, he encouraged his young friend to be an approved workman 'who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth' (2 Timothy 2:15).
"The word here translated 'who correctly handles' means 'one who goes for a goal.' Classical Greek writers used the word of road builders who cut their way straight through a forest to a predetermined location. The Septuagint (the first Greek translation of the Old Testament) used the word in the last phrase of Proverbs 3:6. 'In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight (direct you to the goal)."
"Paul contrasted good Bible study with the flawed methods of those who were 'quarreling about words,' which he said, 'is of no value, and only ruins those who listen' (2:14). Further, 'godless chatter'--mere discussion of the Bible without the goal of godliness--will make one become 'more and more ungodly' (2:16). Ironically, God's Word, when misused, can make us less and less like God!
"Paul therefore warns Timothy to 'flee the evil desires of youth' (2:22), a command that in context has little or nothing to do with youthful sexual desires. Paul rather had in mind the wrong-headed passion of the young and the immature to argue about meaning--'word-fight' is the term he coins. Those who mishandle God's Word in this way are workmen who ought to be ashamed.
"Instead of arguing about meaning, Timothy was to 'pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart' (2:22). In other words, he was to seek God and his goodness through the Book. To do so is to handle the Word correctly--to go straight to the goal.
"The purpose of Bible study is clear. It ought to produce worship and make us more and more like our Lord. To the extent that we read the Scriptures for that reason our Bible reading is valid; to the extent that we do not, it's nonproductive. Worse, it's counterproductive, making us less and less like our Lord. Thus the hymnist prayed:
"Beyond the sacred page, I seek Thee, Lord,
My spirit pants for Thee, O living Word."
(Pages 70-71)
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Thank God for the Government
"First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people, for kings and all who are in high positions, that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way" (1 Timothy 2:1-2).
It's easy to complain about the government. It's not perfect. Some of its leaders are incompetent and/or corrupt. Some of its activities are counterproductive.
However, it's far better than living without a functioning government. Who among us would like to trade places with Haitians or Somalis? I suspect that they would love to have our complaints in exchange for a functioning government.
It's good to have a military, police force, and firefighters. It's good to have highways and streets. It's good to have schools and libraries. It's good to have courts and prisons.
A properly functioning government is a gift from God. It seeks justice. It provides societal stability. It's a blessing to everyone who seeks a peaceful and quiet life.
Thank you, God, for the government.
It's easy to complain about the government. It's not perfect. Some of its leaders are incompetent and/or corrupt. Some of its activities are counterproductive.
However, it's far better than living without a functioning government. Who among us would like to trade places with Haitians or Somalis? I suspect that they would love to have our complaints in exchange for a functioning government.
It's good to have a military, police force, and firefighters. It's good to have highways and streets. It's good to have schools and libraries. It's good to have courts and prisons.
A properly functioning government is a gift from God. It seeks justice. It provides societal stability. It's a blessing to everyone who seeks a peaceful and quiet life.
Thank you, God, for the government.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
I Found a Savior (Part Four)
This is the conclusion of a Contact Church member's testimony. Previous posts may be read at:
(Part One) http://adisciplesthoughts.blogspot.com/2009/11/i-found-savior-part-one.html
(Part Two) http://adisciplesthoughts.blogspot.com/2009/11/i-found-savior-part-two.html
(Part Three) http://adisciplesthoughts.blogspot.com/2009/11/i-found-savior-part-three.html
"I began saying thank you Jesus for giving my children back and I prayed to God about a place to live. I went to Tulsa Housing and I had been approved a year prior for an apartment. I had spent all that time homeless and didn't know I didn't need to be. The day I showed up to sign my lease the apartment had not been released in the computer, so the lady said she could not do anything until they released it from downtown. While I waited for about an hour I talked to her about needed furniture. She said they had a church that was sometimes able to help with beds and stuff. After a while this white truck pulled up and she said, 'Hey that's the guy you want to talk to, he's from Contact Church.' I said, 'What? Really? I know him!' I ran out to the truck and it was Ron Babbit. I told him how I had been here, how God had helped me, how I was getting my children back, how Bill was out of the picture and how God had convicted me for not teaching my children--all the struggles and victories. He said he was glad for me and that I should come to see them down at the church. I was glad to do that anyway. Contact helped me move furniture into my empty apartment. I am so thankful to my Father in heaven and for Contact Church of Christ. I attended church whenever the doors were open. Praise God they were always there. I've been blessed with opportunities to share what Christ has done for me, those things I could not do for myself. Through this relationship with Christ, God has provided for very specific, unmet needs from my childhood. Through Ron Babbit, God has provided a father figure here on earth for me. Today I desire to know Him more, to enjoy the people he has created. I am so thankful to have friendships today with both men and women. Some relationships at this point in my life have completely changed the way I view men. Men like Joel Osborn and Randy Milam who have listened even when it wasn't easy, men who refuse to see me the way I thought every man saw me. Those men have helped me to see and experience Jesus in a way I had never experienced him.
"I celebrated 2 years on July 31, 2009 clean from crack cocaine. I now celebrate 6 months from alcohol, 6 months from sexual immorality, 1 year 4 months from co-dependency, and I surrendered nicotine 90 days ago today. I am blessed with so many opportunities to give back and to share with others by sponsoring, mothering 4 children, meeting a need for someone, and getting to pray. Some days I can't find a single reason why God chose a sinner like me but I am so glad that he chose to give me life. I found that I am far more valuable to God than many sparrows. I found peace in my inner most being. I found my prince of peace to rescue me. I found healing and restoration. I found God when I sought him with my whole heart. I found a Savior."
(Part One) http://adisciplesthoughts.blogspot.com/2009/11/i-found-savior-part-one.html
(Part Two) http://adisciplesthoughts.blogspot.com/2009/11/i-found-savior-part-two.html
(Part Three) http://adisciplesthoughts.blogspot.com/2009/11/i-found-savior-part-three.html
"I began saying thank you Jesus for giving my children back and I prayed to God about a place to live. I went to Tulsa Housing and I had been approved a year prior for an apartment. I had spent all that time homeless and didn't know I didn't need to be. The day I showed up to sign my lease the apartment had not been released in the computer, so the lady said she could not do anything until they released it from downtown. While I waited for about an hour I talked to her about needed furniture. She said they had a church that was sometimes able to help with beds and stuff. After a while this white truck pulled up and she said, 'Hey that's the guy you want to talk to, he's from Contact Church.' I said, 'What? Really? I know him!' I ran out to the truck and it was Ron Babbit. I told him how I had been here, how God had helped me, how I was getting my children back, how Bill was out of the picture and how God had convicted me for not teaching my children--all the struggles and victories. He said he was glad for me and that I should come to see them down at the church. I was glad to do that anyway. Contact helped me move furniture into my empty apartment. I am so thankful to my Father in heaven and for Contact Church of Christ. I attended church whenever the doors were open. Praise God they were always there. I've been blessed with opportunities to share what Christ has done for me, those things I could not do for myself. Through this relationship with Christ, God has provided for very specific, unmet needs from my childhood. Through Ron Babbit, God has provided a father figure here on earth for me. Today I desire to know Him more, to enjoy the people he has created. I am so thankful to have friendships today with both men and women. Some relationships at this point in my life have completely changed the way I view men. Men like Joel Osborn and Randy Milam who have listened even when it wasn't easy, men who refuse to see me the way I thought every man saw me. Those men have helped me to see and experience Jesus in a way I had never experienced him.
"I celebrated 2 years on July 31, 2009 clean from crack cocaine. I now celebrate 6 months from alcohol, 6 months from sexual immorality, 1 year 4 months from co-dependency, and I surrendered nicotine 90 days ago today. I am blessed with so many opportunities to give back and to share with others by sponsoring, mothering 4 children, meeting a need for someone, and getting to pray. Some days I can't find a single reason why God chose a sinner like me but I am so glad that he chose to give me life. I found that I am far more valuable to God than many sparrows. I found peace in my inner most being. I found my prince of peace to rescue me. I found healing and restoration. I found God when I sought him with my whole heart. I found a Savior."
Saturday, August 29, 2009
The Value of a Quiet Life
"Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody" (1 Thessalonians 4:11-12).
God values quietness in his people--not in the sense that we are to be silent, but in the sense that we are to be people seeking peaceful and calm lives. We don't need to be going through life looking for problems in the lives of others (especially when we are ignoring our own). We don't need to go around looking for arguments. We don't need to be seeking unnecessary conflicts. We don't need to be spreading gossip and offering unsolicited opinions on every subject under the sun.
Christians will face conflicts, problems, tension, rumors, and other disruptive elements in our lives--just as Jesus Christ and his apostles did. When such problems arise, we will attempt to handle them appropriately. But our goal is to lead a quiet life of responsible behavior that honors the one in whom we have placed our trust.
God values quietness in his people--not in the sense that we are to be silent, but in the sense that we are to be people seeking peaceful and calm lives. We don't need to be going through life looking for problems in the lives of others (especially when we are ignoring our own). We don't need to go around looking for arguments. We don't need to be seeking unnecessary conflicts. We don't need to be spreading gossip and offering unsolicited opinions on every subject under the sun.
Christians will face conflicts, problems, tension, rumors, and other disruptive elements in our lives--just as Jesus Christ and his apostles did. When such problems arise, we will attempt to handle them appropriately. But our goal is to lead a quiet life of responsible behavior that honors the one in whom we have placed our trust.
Monday, August 17, 2009
High Standards and Generous Forgiveness
Yesterday, I was reminded of a seeming paradox in the Christian faith.
Before our preacher Ron Babbit spoke in our worship service, one of our members addressed the congregation. "Neighbor" (as he is known) stood in front of the podium to apologize and to ask for forgiveness. "Neighbor" has been a member of the Contact Church for nearly 5 years, but he has struggled with an addiction to alcohol and drugs for most of his 50-plus years of life.
A little over a week ago, one of our other members saw "Neighbor" entering a bar. "Neighbor" does not remember the details of what happened, because he was already in an alcohol and drug induced blackout. Apparently, our concerned member contacted a few other church members to try to help "Neighbor." But he responded badly to the attempt to help him, with abusive language and belligerent behavior. They could not help him. Eventually, he woke up in the county jail that evening, charged with public intoxication, and not knowing how he had managed to get into such trouble. He did not even know how he had treated fellow Christians who had tried to help him that night.
Sunday morning, he confessed his guilt. He thanked those who had tried to help him; and he asked for their forgiveness. "Neighbor" wants to do what is right with his life.
The entire congregation came forward, put our arms around him, and prayed for our friend and brother "Neighbor." Everyone loves "Neighbor" and wants him to be successful in overcoming his addiction. We want to see him living free from his sin.
What was the paradox that I noticed? On the one hand, we speak out against sins like drunkenness, cussing, hatefulness, and irresponsible behavior. We have high moral standards...such high standards that we are sometimes accused of moralism and self-righteousness. On the other hand, we are eager to offer forgiveness...so eager that we are sometimes accused of naivete and being too soft on the guilty.
We understand that every sin is an offense against God. We know that hell is deserved. We comprehend that our sins placed Christ on the cross. He died because of our sins. We know that our sins are destroying our sense of inner peace as well as our peace with God.
We also understand that God wants to forgive us. We realize that Christ sacrificed his life to forgive us and to free us from our sins. He wants us to enjoy life in heaven with him forever. We know that we need to show mercy to each other, since Christ has been merciful to us. We have received a generous dose of forgiveness, and need to extend generous forgiveness to others who have seen their need to repent.
As the Bible teaches, "At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of the righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior" (Titus 3:3-6).
Before our preacher Ron Babbit spoke in our worship service, one of our members addressed the congregation. "Neighbor" (as he is known) stood in front of the podium to apologize and to ask for forgiveness. "Neighbor" has been a member of the Contact Church for nearly 5 years, but he has struggled with an addiction to alcohol and drugs for most of his 50-plus years of life.
A little over a week ago, one of our other members saw "Neighbor" entering a bar. "Neighbor" does not remember the details of what happened, because he was already in an alcohol and drug induced blackout. Apparently, our concerned member contacted a few other church members to try to help "Neighbor." But he responded badly to the attempt to help him, with abusive language and belligerent behavior. They could not help him. Eventually, he woke up in the county jail that evening, charged with public intoxication, and not knowing how he had managed to get into such trouble. He did not even know how he had treated fellow Christians who had tried to help him that night.
Sunday morning, he confessed his guilt. He thanked those who had tried to help him; and he asked for their forgiveness. "Neighbor" wants to do what is right with his life.
The entire congregation came forward, put our arms around him, and prayed for our friend and brother "Neighbor." Everyone loves "Neighbor" and wants him to be successful in overcoming his addiction. We want to see him living free from his sin.
What was the paradox that I noticed? On the one hand, we speak out against sins like drunkenness, cussing, hatefulness, and irresponsible behavior. We have high moral standards...such high standards that we are sometimes accused of moralism and self-righteousness. On the other hand, we are eager to offer forgiveness...so eager that we are sometimes accused of naivete and being too soft on the guilty.
We understand that every sin is an offense against God. We know that hell is deserved. We comprehend that our sins placed Christ on the cross. He died because of our sins. We know that our sins are destroying our sense of inner peace as well as our peace with God.
We also understand that God wants to forgive us. We realize that Christ sacrificed his life to forgive us and to free us from our sins. He wants us to enjoy life in heaven with him forever. We know that we need to show mercy to each other, since Christ has been merciful to us. We have received a generous dose of forgiveness, and need to extend generous forgiveness to others who have seen their need to repent.
As the Bible teaches, "At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of the righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior" (Titus 3:3-6).
Friday, March 14, 2008
Peacemaking for Families: Teaching Children to Make Peace
These are my notes for my Sunday morning Bible class at the Contact Church of Christ:
*Once, Jesus was asked to tell people the greatest commandment. "Jesus replied, 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments" (Matthew 22:37-40, NIV). This is the heart of living life well. It is the heart of peacemaking. Living for the glory of God and loving others as ourselves will mold us into peacemakers.
*Our children need to learn how to be peacemakers. Conflict comes naturally. Peacemaking must be learned. Living for one's self comes naturally. Living for God must be learned. Loving one's self comes naturally. Loving others just as much must be learned. Sometimes my son asks, "Dad, why do you love God?" I take the opportunity to let him know that God made me, saved me from the punishment I deserved, gave me the life that I'm living, and has answered my prayers. How would he know reasons for loving God if he had not been taught anything about him? In a similar way, peacemaking skills must be taught.
*Ken Sande and Tom Raabe wrote, "Some conflicts call for friendly discussion, teaching, and respectful debate (see John 3:1-21; 2 Timothy 2:24-26). In other situations we should overlook offenses, lay down rights, and do good to those who wrong us (see Luke 6:27-28; 9:51-56; Matthew 17:24-27). Sometimes love requires gentle confrontation or a firm rebuke (see John 4:1-42; Matthew 23:13-29). Above all, we need to be willing to forgive others just as in Christ God forgave us (see Luke 23:34; Ephesians 4:32)" (Peacemaking for Families, p. 114).
*Peacemaking skills are crucial in order to succeed in life. In ungodly cultures, Joseph, Daniel, and Esther became influential leaders who made a difference without compromising their integrity or faith. They stood for what was right while treating others with respect, firmness, and forgiveness. We can do the same and teach our children those same skills. Ken Sande wrote, "I have hired, promoted, and fired people. These decisions were rarely based primarily on a person's technical skills. What I have valued most in an employee or manager is the ability to work as part of a team, to maintain strong relationships, and to build consensus so a group's gifts and energies stay focused on the project at hand. These are the skills of a peacemaker; and they are the same skills that will help your children succeed in the vocations to which God calls them" (p. 115).
*Peacemaking skills also enable our children to have great marriages and families. When we engage in conflict properly and forgive freely, we guard against resentment and divorce.
*We must remember that peacemaking comes from our faith in Jesus Christ. Ken Sande wrote, "We must remember that the most important requirement of peacemaking is to understand who we are in Jesus Christ. Before the apostle Paul tells the Colossians what they should do, he reminds them of who they are: 'Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience' (Colossians 3:12)" (p. 116).
*As we teach our children peacemaking skills, we want to help them diagnose their own hearts. Instead of condemning them when they mishandle conflict, we should ask them questions to help them see where they went wrong. Then we should instruct them and remind them of God's forgiveness and freedom.
*Finally, we need to be intentional in teaching our children the peacemaking skills they need. We need to become good examples for them. We must not live in denial of conflict nor flee from it. We must not lash out at others, blaming them for all our problems. We must never refuse to forgive. We must confess our sins with humility and try to change. We must confront others with love. We must be merciful and forgiving.
*Use opportunities to teach. When your children are in conflict with others, help them to see how they could handle it. When reading a book, watching television, or watching a movie, look for the conflicts. Ask questions. Is the main character avoiding conflict, attacking in response, or trying to resolve conflict? Is he being wise? Is she being a coward or courageous? What is driving him to do what he's doing? What are the consequences she may face? How would you handle their situation? Good questions can prepare a child to make good choices.
Teaching children to be peacemakers takes time and practice, but it can be worth it.
*Once, Jesus was asked to tell people the greatest commandment. "Jesus replied, 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments" (Matthew 22:37-40, NIV). This is the heart of living life well. It is the heart of peacemaking. Living for the glory of God and loving others as ourselves will mold us into peacemakers.
*Our children need to learn how to be peacemakers. Conflict comes naturally. Peacemaking must be learned. Living for one's self comes naturally. Living for God must be learned. Loving one's self comes naturally. Loving others just as much must be learned. Sometimes my son asks, "Dad, why do you love God?" I take the opportunity to let him know that God made me, saved me from the punishment I deserved, gave me the life that I'm living, and has answered my prayers. How would he know reasons for loving God if he had not been taught anything about him? In a similar way, peacemaking skills must be taught.
*Ken Sande and Tom Raabe wrote, "Some conflicts call for friendly discussion, teaching, and respectful debate (see John 3:1-21; 2 Timothy 2:24-26). In other situations we should overlook offenses, lay down rights, and do good to those who wrong us (see Luke 6:27-28; 9:51-56; Matthew 17:24-27). Sometimes love requires gentle confrontation or a firm rebuke (see John 4:1-42; Matthew 23:13-29). Above all, we need to be willing to forgive others just as in Christ God forgave us (see Luke 23:34; Ephesians 4:32)" (Peacemaking for Families, p. 114).
*Peacemaking skills are crucial in order to succeed in life. In ungodly cultures, Joseph, Daniel, and Esther became influential leaders who made a difference without compromising their integrity or faith. They stood for what was right while treating others with respect, firmness, and forgiveness. We can do the same and teach our children those same skills. Ken Sande wrote, "I have hired, promoted, and fired people. These decisions were rarely based primarily on a person's technical skills. What I have valued most in an employee or manager is the ability to work as part of a team, to maintain strong relationships, and to build consensus so a group's gifts and energies stay focused on the project at hand. These are the skills of a peacemaker; and they are the same skills that will help your children succeed in the vocations to which God calls them" (p. 115).
*Peacemaking skills also enable our children to have great marriages and families. When we engage in conflict properly and forgive freely, we guard against resentment and divorce.
*We must remember that peacemaking comes from our faith in Jesus Christ. Ken Sande wrote, "We must remember that the most important requirement of peacemaking is to understand who we are in Jesus Christ. Before the apostle Paul tells the Colossians what they should do, he reminds them of who they are: 'Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience' (Colossians 3:12)" (p. 116).
*As we teach our children peacemaking skills, we want to help them diagnose their own hearts. Instead of condemning them when they mishandle conflict, we should ask them questions to help them see where they went wrong. Then we should instruct them and remind them of God's forgiveness and freedom.
*Finally, we need to be intentional in teaching our children the peacemaking skills they need. We need to become good examples for them. We must not live in denial of conflict nor flee from it. We must not lash out at others, blaming them for all our problems. We must never refuse to forgive. We must confess our sins with humility and try to change. We must confront others with love. We must be merciful and forgiving.
*Use opportunities to teach. When your children are in conflict with others, help them to see how they could handle it. When reading a book, watching television, or watching a movie, look for the conflicts. Ask questions. Is the main character avoiding conflict, attacking in response, or trying to resolve conflict? Is he being wise? Is she being a coward or courageous? What is driving him to do what he's doing? What are the consequences she may face? How would you handle their situation? Good questions can prepare a child to make good choices.
Teaching children to be peacemakers takes time and practice, but it can be worth it.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Peacemaking for Families: A Biblical Framework
These are the notes for my next Bible class at the Contact Church of Christ:
*Human conflict has a long history. It started with the disobedience of Adam and Eve. This put them in conflict with their Creator and each other. Their relationships were strained. They were at odds with each other. To this day, everyone of us lives under the influence of their sin. Each of us deals with the results of their sin. We even imitate their sin. As a result, we struggle with how to relate to God and to other people.
*God was not satisfied with leaving us alone in our messed-up world. He knew that we faced hell apart from himself. He cared too much to let us remain in conflict with himself, so he sent Jesus Christ to save us (John 3:16). "For Christ died for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive by the Spirit" (1 Peter 3:18, NIV). "God presented him as the one who would turn aside his wrath, taking away sin, through faith in his blood" (Romans 3:25a, alternative reading in the NIV). When we trust in what Christ has done to forgive us, to bring us back to God, and to give us new life, we change. We turn away from everything we know to be in conflict with God in order to follow his Son. We allow our old lives to be buried in baptism, so that we can live new lives for God's glory (Romans 6:1-4). Having been reconciled to God by Christ, we are on a mission to spread reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:18).
*If our mission is reconciliation, how should Christians view conflict? As an opportunity to show God's power in a difficult situation. "Glorifying God is the highest calling of a Christian" (Ken Sande and Tom Raabe, Peacemaking for Families, p. 35). When we keep in mind what God has done for us through Jesus Christ, we will approach conflict (and all of life) thinking about how we can please and honor God in it. We will find ourselves motivated to resist pride and resentment while seeking to do the right thing in love.
*Jesus said, "You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye" (Matthew 7:5, NIV). If we are going to make peace in a God-honoring way, we must examine our words, actions, and attitudes to determine what must change within ourselves before helping others in areas where they need to change. Have I used words to hurt when it was not necessary? Have I used sarcasm to belittle? Have I been complaining or nagging? Have I lied? Have I jumped to conclusions and then shared those unfounded conclusions in gossip? Have I been lazy or negligent in the relationship? Have I failed to keep commitments? Have I withheld kindness or affection? Have I been selfish? If so, I need to change my thinking, confess my wrongs, and ask for forgiveness. I must not stand in the way of reconciliation.
*After dealing with ourselves, we are ready to confront another person's problems. Confronting the sins of others should not be done with eager anticipation, but neither should it be passively avoided if the offense has seriously dishonored God, seriously damaged a relationship, hurt others, or hurt the person who committed it. Sometimes the offender would love to change, but needs someone to come along with helpful advice. It can lead to repentance and a healthier way of living (Matthew 18:15; Galatians 6:1). "Loving confrontation can serve as a positive example to others. Whether you realize it or not, people are constantly watching how you handle adversity and treat those who wrong you. How you comport yourself gives others a chance to either mock Christians and reject Christ or become open to hearing the gospel. Christians watching your behavior, on the other hand, will either feel justified in responding improperly to conflict or be encouraged to honor God in their own reactions as well. Because imitation is a form of love, this last point has tremendous spillover effect with children. Kids study how their parents react to conflict, and will often imitate them when conflict arises in their lives as well"(Peacemaking for Families, p. 39).
*Finally, after a conflict has been dealt with, forgiveness must be the God-honoring resolution (Matthew 6:12; Luke 11:4; Matthew 18:23-35). "Here are four concrete promises one must make to truly forgive another:
~I will not thnk about this incident.
~I will not bring up this incident again and use it against you.
~I will not talk to others about this incident.
~I will not allow this incident to stand between us or hinder our personal relationship" (Peacemaking for Families, p. 41).
*After the pain and heartache that Christ endured to bring about peace between us and God, we can endure some discomfort in making peace in our families. After all, the final result of the process will be a God-honoring joy for all involved.
*Human conflict has a long history. It started with the disobedience of Adam and Eve. This put them in conflict with their Creator and each other. Their relationships were strained. They were at odds with each other. To this day, everyone of us lives under the influence of their sin. Each of us deals with the results of their sin. We even imitate their sin. As a result, we struggle with how to relate to God and to other people.
*God was not satisfied with leaving us alone in our messed-up world. He knew that we faced hell apart from himself. He cared too much to let us remain in conflict with himself, so he sent Jesus Christ to save us (John 3:16). "For Christ died for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive by the Spirit" (1 Peter 3:18, NIV). "God presented him as the one who would turn aside his wrath, taking away sin, through faith in his blood" (Romans 3:25a, alternative reading in the NIV). When we trust in what Christ has done to forgive us, to bring us back to God, and to give us new life, we change. We turn away from everything we know to be in conflict with God in order to follow his Son. We allow our old lives to be buried in baptism, so that we can live new lives for God's glory (Romans 6:1-4). Having been reconciled to God by Christ, we are on a mission to spread reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:18).
*If our mission is reconciliation, how should Christians view conflict? As an opportunity to show God's power in a difficult situation. "Glorifying God is the highest calling of a Christian" (Ken Sande and Tom Raabe, Peacemaking for Families, p. 35). When we keep in mind what God has done for us through Jesus Christ, we will approach conflict (and all of life) thinking about how we can please and honor God in it. We will find ourselves motivated to resist pride and resentment while seeking to do the right thing in love.
*Jesus said, "You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye" (Matthew 7:5, NIV). If we are going to make peace in a God-honoring way, we must examine our words, actions, and attitudes to determine what must change within ourselves before helping others in areas where they need to change. Have I used words to hurt when it was not necessary? Have I used sarcasm to belittle? Have I been complaining or nagging? Have I lied? Have I jumped to conclusions and then shared those unfounded conclusions in gossip? Have I been lazy or negligent in the relationship? Have I failed to keep commitments? Have I withheld kindness or affection? Have I been selfish? If so, I need to change my thinking, confess my wrongs, and ask for forgiveness. I must not stand in the way of reconciliation.
*After dealing with ourselves, we are ready to confront another person's problems. Confronting the sins of others should not be done with eager anticipation, but neither should it be passively avoided if the offense has seriously dishonored God, seriously damaged a relationship, hurt others, or hurt the person who committed it. Sometimes the offender would love to change, but needs someone to come along with helpful advice. It can lead to repentance and a healthier way of living (Matthew 18:15; Galatians 6:1). "Loving confrontation can serve as a positive example to others. Whether you realize it or not, people are constantly watching how you handle adversity and treat those who wrong you. How you comport yourself gives others a chance to either mock Christians and reject Christ or become open to hearing the gospel. Christians watching your behavior, on the other hand, will either feel justified in responding improperly to conflict or be encouraged to honor God in their own reactions as well. Because imitation is a form of love, this last point has tremendous spillover effect with children. Kids study how their parents react to conflict, and will often imitate them when conflict arises in their lives as well"(Peacemaking for Families, p. 39).
*Finally, after a conflict has been dealt with, forgiveness must be the God-honoring resolution (Matthew 6:12; Luke 11:4; Matthew 18:23-35). "Here are four concrete promises one must make to truly forgive another:
~I will not thnk about this incident.
~I will not bring up this incident again and use it against you.
~I will not talk to others about this incident.
~I will not allow this incident to stand between us or hinder our personal relationship" (Peacemaking for Families, p. 41).
*After the pain and heartache that Christ endured to bring about peace between us and God, we can endure some discomfort in making peace in our families. After all, the final result of the process will be a God-honoring joy for all involved.
Friday, February 01, 2008
Peacemaking for Families: The Heart of Conflict
These are my notes for the Bible class I'm teaching this week at the Contact Church.
*When we are engaged in a conflict, we would be wise to examine our own hearts. Our hearts may be the problem. As Jesus said, "For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander" (Matthew 15:19, NIV).
*James wrote, "What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures" (James 4:1-3, NIV). Many fights occur because our desires become demands. When our demands are not met, we blame whoever is not meeting our demands and conflict breaks out.
*Some desires (like greed) are inherently wrong. Other desires (like peace and quiet) are not inherently wrong. If good desires are not being met, talk with your spouse or children. Don't let it cause bitterness or resentment. If wrong desires come up, turn away from them and look for something good to replace them.
*"It is often not what we want that is the problem, but that we want it too much. For example, it is not unreasonable for a man to want a passionate sexual relationship with his wife, or for a wife to want open and honest communication with her husband, or for either of them to want a steadily growing savings account. These are good desires, but if they turn into demands that must be met in order for either spouse to be satisfied and fulfilled, they result in bitterness, resentment, or self-pity that can destroy a marriage" (Peacemaking for Families, p. 19).
*One dangerous tendency of engaging in a conflict can be judgmentalism. As Ken Sande and Tom Raabe wrote, "Scripture teaches that we should observe and evaluate others' behavior so that we can respond and minister to them in appropriate ways, which may even involve loving confrontation (see Matthew 7:1-2; 18:15; Galatians 6:1). We cross the line, however, when we begin to sinfully judge others, which is characterized by a feeling of superiority, indignation, condemnation, bitterness, or resentment. Sinful judging often involves speculating on others' motives. Most of all, it reveals the absence of a genuine love and concern toward them...The closer we are to others, the more we expect of them and the more likely we are to judge them when they fail to meet our expectations (Peacemaking for Families, p. 21).
*After our desires become demands, and we start judging the one who is not meeting our demands, we are likely to resort to punishing him or her in some way. Our tactics may vary: mean or sarcastic words, pouting, withholding affection, physical violence, sexual abuse, or other tactics. But our goal is the same: punishment.
*Ultimately, we must look to God for the cure for our bad hearts. He alone can break the cycle and bring us freedom from our destructive thoughts and patterns of living. "Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God" (Romans 5:1-2, NIV). "We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life" (Romans 6:4, NIV). "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death" (Romans 8:1-2, NIV).
*After our initial salvation, God gives us at least 3 aids to help us to live free from our sinful tendencies and temptations: His Word, His Spirit, and His Church. "As you diligently study and meditate on the Bible and sit under regular, sound preaching, God will use His Word like a spotlight and a scalpel in your heart. It will reveal your idolatrous desires and show you how to love and worship God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength. The Holy Spirit aids our deliverance...by helping us to understand the Bible, to identify our sin, and to pursue a godly life (1 Corinthians 2:10-15; Philippians 2:13)...Finally God had surrounded us with brothers and sisters in Christ who can teach us, lovingly confront us...and provide encouragement and guidance in our spiritual growth (Galatians 6:1; Romans 15:14)" (Peacemaking for Families, p. 26).
*When we find our satisfaction in God, our lives find ultimate fulfillment. Our desires are less likely to become demands. We are less likely to become judgmental and determined to punish others. We are more likely to live with our families in true peace.
*When we are engaged in a conflict, we would be wise to examine our own hearts. Our hearts may be the problem. As Jesus said, "For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander" (Matthew 15:19, NIV).
*James wrote, "What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures" (James 4:1-3, NIV). Many fights occur because our desires become demands. When our demands are not met, we blame whoever is not meeting our demands and conflict breaks out.
*Some desires (like greed) are inherently wrong. Other desires (like peace and quiet) are not inherently wrong. If good desires are not being met, talk with your spouse or children. Don't let it cause bitterness or resentment. If wrong desires come up, turn away from them and look for something good to replace them.
*"It is often not what we want that is the problem, but that we want it too much. For example, it is not unreasonable for a man to want a passionate sexual relationship with his wife, or for a wife to want open and honest communication with her husband, or for either of them to want a steadily growing savings account. These are good desires, but if they turn into demands that must be met in order for either spouse to be satisfied and fulfilled, they result in bitterness, resentment, or self-pity that can destroy a marriage" (Peacemaking for Families, p. 19).
*One dangerous tendency of engaging in a conflict can be judgmentalism. As Ken Sande and Tom Raabe wrote, "Scripture teaches that we should observe and evaluate others' behavior so that we can respond and minister to them in appropriate ways, which may even involve loving confrontation (see Matthew 7:1-2; 18:15; Galatians 6:1). We cross the line, however, when we begin to sinfully judge others, which is characterized by a feeling of superiority, indignation, condemnation, bitterness, or resentment. Sinful judging often involves speculating on others' motives. Most of all, it reveals the absence of a genuine love and concern toward them...The closer we are to others, the more we expect of them and the more likely we are to judge them when they fail to meet our expectations (Peacemaking for Families, p. 21).
*After our desires become demands, and we start judging the one who is not meeting our demands, we are likely to resort to punishing him or her in some way. Our tactics may vary: mean or sarcastic words, pouting, withholding affection, physical violence, sexual abuse, or other tactics. But our goal is the same: punishment.
*Ultimately, we must look to God for the cure for our bad hearts. He alone can break the cycle and bring us freedom from our destructive thoughts and patterns of living. "Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God" (Romans 5:1-2, NIV). "We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life" (Romans 6:4, NIV). "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death" (Romans 8:1-2, NIV).
*After our initial salvation, God gives us at least 3 aids to help us to live free from our sinful tendencies and temptations: His Word, His Spirit, and His Church. "As you diligently study and meditate on the Bible and sit under regular, sound preaching, God will use His Word like a spotlight and a scalpel in your heart. It will reveal your idolatrous desires and show you how to love and worship God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength. The Holy Spirit aids our deliverance...by helping us to understand the Bible, to identify our sin, and to pursue a godly life (1 Corinthians 2:10-15; Philippians 2:13)...Finally God had surrounded us with brothers and sisters in Christ who can teach us, lovingly confront us...and provide encouragement and guidance in our spiritual growth (Galatians 6:1; Romans 15:14)" (Peacemaking for Families, p. 26).
*When we find our satisfaction in God, our lives find ultimate fulfillment. Our desires are less likely to become demands. We are less likely to become judgmental and determined to punish others. We are more likely to live with our families in true peace.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Peacemaking for Families: Conflict in Marriage
These are my notes for my Bible class at the Contact Church of Christ for this Sunday:
*Conflict is simply a reality in life and in marriage. We do not always agree with our spouses. Sometimes our conflicts are minor disagreements; sometimes they are major disputes. In either case, Christ calls for his followers to be peacemakers (Matthew 5:9). In this lesson, we will explore our responses to conflict: escape responses, attack responses, and peacemaking responses.
*Escape responses are favored by peacefakers.
~We use escape responses to avoid rather than resolve conflict. "Escape responses are generally directed inward; they are usually all about 'me.' Escapers are looking for what is easy, convenient, or nonthreatening for themselves. They often dread confrontation. They are often more concerned about appearances than reality" (Ken Sande and Tom Raabe, Peacemaking for Families, p. 8).
~Denial is the usual escape response. We act like a problem does not exist. However, the problem usually gets worse.
~When denial does not work, we move to flight as an escape response. We may quit a job, find another church, or file for divorce to escape conflict. This usually does nothing to resolve conflict. However, in cases of extreme abuse, this response may be needed for protection. (For example, if your husband is sexually abusing your child, fleeing from him with the child would be a loving response intended to protect your child.)
~Suicide is the ultimate escape response. Obviously, this never makes peace or resolves conflict.
*Attack responses are favored by peacebreakers.
~"These responses are employed by those more interested in winning a fight than preserving a relationship. Conflict for these folks is an opportunity to assert rights, to control others, or to take advantage of their situation" (Peacemaking for Families, p. 9). Both the strong and the weak, the confident and the insecure, will use these responses to get what they want at the expense of harmonious relationships. Unlike peacefakers who see themselves as the problem, peacebreakers see you as the problem.
~Assault is the common attack response. Nagging, slander, threats, and other forms of verbal assault are typical. Sometimes physical violence is involved. These responses increase conflict in marriage. They do not resolve it.
~Litigation is another attack response. It could be over divorce, custody of children, or other matters. It does not bring healing to relationships in conflict.
~Murder is the most extreme form of an attack response. Obviously, this does not bring peace either. (See Matthew 5:21-22 for Jesus' warning about our murderous thoughts and words.)
*The way of Christ is peacemaking responses in our marriages.
~"This way is not about 'me,' as escaping is, nor about 'you,' as attacking is, but about 'us.' Rather than giving in to 'peacefaking' or 'peacebreaking,' this way is all about 'peacemaking'" (Peacemaking for Families, p. 10).
~Minor conflicts may be resolved by determining to overlook an offense and offer forgiveness (Proverbs 12:16; 17:14; 19:11).
~When more significant conflicts arise, discussion is the appropriate response (Matthew 5:23-24; 18:15). Confess when you have been wrong. Confront with love.
~When a conflict involves money, property, or other rights, negotiation is appropriate. We need to see the needs of both sides and reach a satisfactory agreement (Philippians 2:4).
~Sometimes a peacemaking response requires assistance from other wise Christians. This takes both humility and courage. "First, you may seek individual counseling from a spiritually mature advisor who may be able to help you see ways that you can communicate more effectively with your spouse and still resolve your differences in private (Proverbs 13:10). Second, you and your spouse may seek joint counseling or mediation, which involves meeting together with one or more counselors who assist you in communicating and finding meaningful solutions to your differences (Matthew 18:16). Third, if your spouse won't respond to counseling and persists in sinful behavior that threatens your marriage, you may appeal to your church to exercise redemptive church discipline to promote repentance and restore your relationship (Matthew 18:17)" (Peacemaking for Families, p. 11).
*Using peacemaking responses to conflict, we can enjoy healthier, more stable, more secure, and more intimate marriages.
*Conflict is simply a reality in life and in marriage. We do not always agree with our spouses. Sometimes our conflicts are minor disagreements; sometimes they are major disputes. In either case, Christ calls for his followers to be peacemakers (Matthew 5:9). In this lesson, we will explore our responses to conflict: escape responses, attack responses, and peacemaking responses.
*Escape responses are favored by peacefakers.
~We use escape responses to avoid rather than resolve conflict. "Escape responses are generally directed inward; they are usually all about 'me.' Escapers are looking for what is easy, convenient, or nonthreatening for themselves. They often dread confrontation. They are often more concerned about appearances than reality" (Ken Sande and Tom Raabe, Peacemaking for Families, p. 8).
~Denial is the usual escape response. We act like a problem does not exist. However, the problem usually gets worse.
~When denial does not work, we move to flight as an escape response. We may quit a job, find another church, or file for divorce to escape conflict. This usually does nothing to resolve conflict. However, in cases of extreme abuse, this response may be needed for protection. (For example, if your husband is sexually abusing your child, fleeing from him with the child would be a loving response intended to protect your child.)
~Suicide is the ultimate escape response. Obviously, this never makes peace or resolves conflict.
*Attack responses are favored by peacebreakers.
~"These responses are employed by those more interested in winning a fight than preserving a relationship. Conflict for these folks is an opportunity to assert rights, to control others, or to take advantage of their situation" (Peacemaking for Families, p. 9). Both the strong and the weak, the confident and the insecure, will use these responses to get what they want at the expense of harmonious relationships. Unlike peacefakers who see themselves as the problem, peacebreakers see you as the problem.
~Assault is the common attack response. Nagging, slander, threats, and other forms of verbal assault are typical. Sometimes physical violence is involved. These responses increase conflict in marriage. They do not resolve it.
~Litigation is another attack response. It could be over divorce, custody of children, or other matters. It does not bring healing to relationships in conflict.
~Murder is the most extreme form of an attack response. Obviously, this does not bring peace either. (See Matthew 5:21-22 for Jesus' warning about our murderous thoughts and words.)
*The way of Christ is peacemaking responses in our marriages.
~"This way is not about 'me,' as escaping is, nor about 'you,' as attacking is, but about 'us.' Rather than giving in to 'peacefaking' or 'peacebreaking,' this way is all about 'peacemaking'" (Peacemaking for Families, p. 10).
~Minor conflicts may be resolved by determining to overlook an offense and offer forgiveness (Proverbs 12:16; 17:14; 19:11).
~When more significant conflicts arise, discussion is the appropriate response (Matthew 5:23-24; 18:15). Confess when you have been wrong. Confront with love.
~When a conflict involves money, property, or other rights, negotiation is appropriate. We need to see the needs of both sides and reach a satisfactory agreement (Philippians 2:4).
~Sometimes a peacemaking response requires assistance from other wise Christians. This takes both humility and courage. "First, you may seek individual counseling from a spiritually mature advisor who may be able to help you see ways that you can communicate more effectively with your spouse and still resolve your differences in private (Proverbs 13:10). Second, you and your spouse may seek joint counseling or mediation, which involves meeting together with one or more counselors who assist you in communicating and finding meaningful solutions to your differences (Matthew 18:16). Third, if your spouse won't respond to counseling and persists in sinful behavior that threatens your marriage, you may appeal to your church to exercise redemptive church discipline to promote repentance and restore your relationship (Matthew 18:17)" (Peacemaking for Families, p. 11).
*Using peacemaking responses to conflict, we can enjoy healthier, more stable, more secure, and more intimate marriages.
Saturday, January 05, 2008
Peacemaking for Families: Introduction
Tomorrow, I plan to start teaching a class at the Contact Church based on the book Peacemaking for Families by Ken Sande and Tom Raabe. While Janet and I were attending FamilyLife's Weekend to Remember marriage seminar last spring, we bought the book (along with several other books focusing on family issues and biblical principles). These are my notes for the class:
*Seven hundred years before Jesus was born, the prophet Isaiah referred to him at the "Prince of Peace" (Isaiah 9:6). The early American revival preacher Barton W. Stone wrote, "Christ is the Prince of Peace; the Church of Christ is the Kingdom of Peace." Jesus Christ promised, "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God" (Matthew 5:9, NIV). The apostle Paul noted that one product of the Holy Spirit in the lives of believers is peace (Galatians 5:22).
*In this Bible class, we will be focusing on making peace in our families. However, much of the material may be applied to other areas of our lives.
*The word peace is a relational term. It centers on our relationships with each other. We are living in peace when we are living in harmony...when our relationships are wholesome.
*Sometimes peace may be impossible. After all, some people may not want to be at peace with us no matter how much we may want it or how well we apply the principles of peacemaking that we plan to learn over the next several sessions. "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone" (Romans 12:18, NIV).
*In Peacemaking for Families, Ken Sande and Tom Raabe state, "There are three ways we can handle conflicts in normal family life. We can be peace-fakers, denying that we have problems, always giving in, or becoming distant from family members. We can be peace-breakers, relying on manipulation, a sharp tongue, or overt anger to compel others to give in to our wishes...Our third option is to use the conflicts of family life to become peacemakers, drawing on God's grace and practicing the powerful peacemaking principles He has given to us in His Word" (preface).
*Depending on our temperament and background, we are likely to gravitate toward either peace-faking or peace-breaking. We will tend to be either passive in response to conflict or aggressive in causing conflict or a combination of both. Peacemaking does not come naturally; but it can come supernaturally as we become open to learning and applying the biblical principles taught by Jesus, the prophets, and the apostles.
*Our goal is to become peacemakers in our families. We want to be able to live in harmony with our spouses, our children, our siblings, our parents, our in-laws, and our other extended family members as much as possible.
*We will spend several weeks exploring the principles of peacemaking in our families.
*Seven hundred years before Jesus was born, the prophet Isaiah referred to him at the "Prince of Peace" (Isaiah 9:6). The early American revival preacher Barton W. Stone wrote, "Christ is the Prince of Peace; the Church of Christ is the Kingdom of Peace." Jesus Christ promised, "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God" (Matthew 5:9, NIV). The apostle Paul noted that one product of the Holy Spirit in the lives of believers is peace (Galatians 5:22).
*In this Bible class, we will be focusing on making peace in our families. However, much of the material may be applied to other areas of our lives.
*The word peace is a relational term. It centers on our relationships with each other. We are living in peace when we are living in harmony...when our relationships are wholesome.
*Sometimes peace may be impossible. After all, some people may not want to be at peace with us no matter how much we may want it or how well we apply the principles of peacemaking that we plan to learn over the next several sessions. "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone" (Romans 12:18, NIV).
*In Peacemaking for Families, Ken Sande and Tom Raabe state, "There are three ways we can handle conflicts in normal family life. We can be peace-fakers, denying that we have problems, always giving in, or becoming distant from family members. We can be peace-breakers, relying on manipulation, a sharp tongue, or overt anger to compel others to give in to our wishes...Our third option is to use the conflicts of family life to become peacemakers, drawing on God's grace and practicing the powerful peacemaking principles He has given to us in His Word" (preface).
*Depending on our temperament and background, we are likely to gravitate toward either peace-faking or peace-breaking. We will tend to be either passive in response to conflict or aggressive in causing conflict or a combination of both. Peacemaking does not come naturally; but it can come supernaturally as we become open to learning and applying the biblical principles taught by Jesus, the prophets, and the apostles.
*Our goal is to become peacemakers in our families. We want to be able to live in harmony with our spouses, our children, our siblings, our parents, our in-laws, and our other extended family members as much as possible.
*We will spend several weeks exploring the principles of peacemaking in our families.
Saturday, December 08, 2007
The Prince and the Kingdom
"For to us a child is born,
to us a son is given,
and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Of the increase of his government and peace
there will be no end.
He will reign on David's throne
and over his kingdom,
establishing and upholding it
with justice and righteousness
from that time on and forever.
The zeal of the LORD Almighty
will accomplish this" (Isaiah 9:6-7, NIV).
"Christ is the Prince of Peace,
the Church of Christ is the Kingdom of Peace" (Barton Warren Stone).
to us a son is given,
and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Of the increase of his government and peace
there will be no end.
He will reign on David's throne
and over his kingdom,
establishing and upholding it
with justice and righteousness
from that time on and forever.
The zeal of the LORD Almighty
will accomplish this" (Isaiah 9:6-7, NIV).
"Christ is the Prince of Peace,
the Church of Christ is the Kingdom of Peace" (Barton Warren Stone).
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