Recently, our preacher, Ron Babbit, sent a question to one of his friends in another state who teaches high school students. He asked the teacher to pose this question to his students: "What is the most difficult thing you have had to deal with growing up?" These are the responses from those students:
Boy (10th grade): "If I said that I have not looked at pornography, it would be a lie. My mom and dad have blockers on the Internet, but I know how to get around them. I wouldn't say that I'm addicted to porn; I just enjoy watching it when I am in the mood."
Girl (12th grade): "I am unsure of my sexuality. Sometimes I feel that I like guys and sometimes I feel that I like girls. I am attracted to both, and I just need to figure out which sex I like more."
Girl (9th grade): "My dad tells me every day that I am not pretty. He asks me why I can't be pretty like the other girls my age. He won't buy me any make-up because he says it won't help me look any better. He says it's a waste of money. I just want my father to like me."
Boy (12th grade): "My mom and I don't have any money. My dad is gone and my mom and I barely get by. We have had to move over 6 times in the past year, because we cannot pay our rent. It is very embarrassing for me because my friends are always asking me why I move."
Girl (10th grade): "I was raped over the summer two years ago and my dad didn't believe me. He said that I probably asked for it. To make matters worse, I became pregnant. Once my dad found out that the rape resulted in a pregnancy he just accused me of being promiscuous and told my family that I made up the rape story so that I wouldn't get in trouble. I had to change schools for a semester, and my father made me abort the baby."
Girl (10th grade): "I cut my thighs all the time. Every time that I feel pain or any time that I feel disappointment, I cut myself for punishment. I have been cutting myself ever since my mom and dad split up. I should have done more to keep them together. My dad is gone now and I never get to see him. It has been over three years since I have last seen him. I feel that my mom resents me but I don't know."
Girl (10th grade): "I have grown up in the church my whole life, and my dad is even a deacon in the church, but I hate church. I just go through the motions. I have to go to all the church functions and I have to put on my church face at school because everyone expects me to be that girl. Honestly, I have times where I can't stand God. I haven't prayed in over two years. I feel bad about it sometimes, but that is just how I feel right now. I'm tired of God being pushed on me from every direction."
Boy (12th grade): "I never feel that I am good enough. No matter what I do, I feel that I could do a better job. I want to succeed but feel that I can never please anyone. I just want to be successful, go to college, and follow in my sister's footsteps so that my folks will be happy with me."
Girl (12th grade): "My mom is a drug addict. My brother and I have to stay with my papa and meme sometimes. My mom never comes to any of my games and, when she is home, is just worried about getting her next fix. She can't hold down a job and is embarrassing. I put on my happy face at school, but really I want to just cry."
Girl (12th grade): "My uncle raped my sister and me when we were younger. We lived in Seattle and all of my other family lived here. We were raped over and over for a period of three years. Finally my aunt found out and got us help. My uncle is now in prison, and our family has no contact with my aunt. My father is in prison and my mom is dead. My sister and I now live with our aunt on the other side of our family. I struggle with trusting men. I actually hate men, all of them!"
Boy (9th grade): "My parents are divorced. It sucks...all my mom does is bad-mouth my dad and my dad just bad-mouths my mom. They don't even try."
Girl (10th grade): "My parents don't have any money. A lot of times, we don't even know where our next meal is going to come from. My dad can't even hold down a job. I guess that it's not all his fault though because he had some medical problems. My grandparents help out a lot but they can only do so much."
Girl (10th grade): "My dad just left mom for a younger girl. My sister and I caught him texting his girlfriend, and when he was sleeping, we stole his phone and showed my mom the texts. I don't get it. Why do men cheat? My mom cries a lot and now we live with my grandmother. I miss my dog the most. My dad won't let me bring my dog to my grandma's."
Boy (12th grade): "All I do is smoke weed. I love weed! My mom and dad know. They found out about four months ago. They were (angry) but I guess that they kind of got over it. My sister still gets me weed and we sometimes do it together. I don't think that it is bad. I just do it for fun and I don't feel that anyone is getting hurt from it. They actually say that weed is better for you than cigarettes. I don't know..."
These are the responses of kids in one small high school in another state, but it reflects life everywhere. We live in a world of hurting souls.
"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience" (Colossians 3:12).
Showing posts with label Divorce. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Divorce. Show all posts
Sunday, January 09, 2011
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Lessons in Urban Ministry
I've been involved in an urban ministry for approximately 10 years now. As I've been thinking about the last decade, I've been thinking about how naive I was when my wife and I first volunteered. Although I continue to have much to learn, I thought it would be a good time to write down a few of the lessons I've learned over the last several years. These are personal observations. They may or may not reflect the findings of social scientists or the views of others with experience in urban ministry.
1. Serve the children for their sake, not in order to reach their parents. Most children will come to the church's activities and worship assemblies without their parents. They will be attracted to a safe and fun environment in which they are supervised and guided by caring adults. They will be open to biblical teaching that can serve as the foundation for lives devoted to following Christ. They deserve attention simply because they bear the image of God, not because they can be used to lure their parents to the church.
2. Teaching a man to fish is not enough. Years ago, poverty-fighting ministries discovered that providing the necessities of life to the poor accomplished little long-term good. Such aid is always necessary, especially for children and the mentally and physically disabled; but those ministries discovered that they needed to connect the poor with jobs if they ever hoped to enable them to overcome poverty.
In many cases, however, the lack of employment and necessities of life are not the causes of poverty. They are the results. More often, poverty finds its roots in:
1. Drug and alcohol abuse. Addicts can have a hard time finding and maintaining employment. Many companies require drug tests before hiring a new employee. No company can afford to keep an employee forever who fails to do an adequate job because of drunkenness and drug-induced highs.
2. Family disintegration. Fornication, adultery, and divorce lead to multiple children born to young mothers who cannot support them. Fathers--and sometimes mothers--abandon their roles and responsibilities. Familial violence, physical abuse, and sexual abuse can scar a child for life. He or she will grow up without developing healthy social and coping skills. Anger and other negative emotions can control this individual, making it difficult for him or her to get along with others. He or she will have a hard time submitting to the authority of an employer, making steady employment an elusive goal. Even worse, he or she is likely to pass down these same problems to the next generation.
Urban ministries can do a great deal of preventative good by teaching the importance of self-control and sexual integrity.
3. Friendships are crucial. Broken people cannot simply be told to get their lives together. Like every one of us, they need the emotional support and encouragement of good friends as they make positive changes and learn to follow Christ. We need to be patient with each other. We need to challenge each other. We need to enjoy time with each other. We need our Bible studies and prayer meetings. We need to be able to confess our sins and to seek help from each other. Good friends give us the support we need to become what we were intended to be.
4. Good theology is essential. An accurate view of God, oneself, and others goes a long way in prompting us to make good choices. We need to see God as omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent, holy, just, merciful, and sovereign. We need to see ourselves as flawed and in need of God's grace. We need to respect the completely justified wrath of God and the completely gracious gift of salvation through Jesus Christ's death and resurrection. We must recognize that we are in over our heads in a mess of sins--our own sins and the sins of those around us. We can't really make any progress of any lasting value without faith in the God worthy of our trust.
1. Serve the children for their sake, not in order to reach their parents. Most children will come to the church's activities and worship assemblies without their parents. They will be attracted to a safe and fun environment in which they are supervised and guided by caring adults. They will be open to biblical teaching that can serve as the foundation for lives devoted to following Christ. They deserve attention simply because they bear the image of God, not because they can be used to lure their parents to the church.
2. Teaching a man to fish is not enough. Years ago, poverty-fighting ministries discovered that providing the necessities of life to the poor accomplished little long-term good. Such aid is always necessary, especially for children and the mentally and physically disabled; but those ministries discovered that they needed to connect the poor with jobs if they ever hoped to enable them to overcome poverty.
In many cases, however, the lack of employment and necessities of life are not the causes of poverty. They are the results. More often, poverty finds its roots in:
1. Drug and alcohol abuse. Addicts can have a hard time finding and maintaining employment. Many companies require drug tests before hiring a new employee. No company can afford to keep an employee forever who fails to do an adequate job because of drunkenness and drug-induced highs.
2. Family disintegration. Fornication, adultery, and divorce lead to multiple children born to young mothers who cannot support them. Fathers--and sometimes mothers--abandon their roles and responsibilities. Familial violence, physical abuse, and sexual abuse can scar a child for life. He or she will grow up without developing healthy social and coping skills. Anger and other negative emotions can control this individual, making it difficult for him or her to get along with others. He or she will have a hard time submitting to the authority of an employer, making steady employment an elusive goal. Even worse, he or she is likely to pass down these same problems to the next generation.
Urban ministries can do a great deal of preventative good by teaching the importance of self-control and sexual integrity.
3. Friendships are crucial. Broken people cannot simply be told to get their lives together. Like every one of us, they need the emotional support and encouragement of good friends as they make positive changes and learn to follow Christ. We need to be patient with each other. We need to challenge each other. We need to enjoy time with each other. We need our Bible studies and prayer meetings. We need to be able to confess our sins and to seek help from each other. Good friends give us the support we need to become what we were intended to be.
4. Good theology is essential. An accurate view of God, oneself, and others goes a long way in prompting us to make good choices. We need to see God as omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent, holy, just, merciful, and sovereign. We need to see ourselves as flawed and in need of God's grace. We need to respect the completely justified wrath of God and the completely gracious gift of salvation through Jesus Christ's death and resurrection. We must recognize that we are in over our heads in a mess of sins--our own sins and the sins of those around us. We can't really make any progress of any lasting value without faith in the God worthy of our trust.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
I Found a Savior (Part Three)
This is the continuation of a Contact Church member's testimony. You may read the previous posts at:
(Part One) http://adisciplesthoughts.blogspot.com/2009/11/i-found-savior-part-one.html
(Part Two) http://adisciplesthoughts.blogspot.com/2009/11/i-found-savior-part-two.html.
"Bill and I found ourselves with nowhere to go. Wandering the streets trying to figure out a plan, I saw this church and said that we should go there and ask if they could help us. Reluctantly Bill followed and the church was Contact Church of Christ. When I contacted the church, Sarge told me the man I needed to talk to was Todd Box. When this man walked in he said, 'Hey I know you, you were my boss over at Sonic." This was amazing. I thought, 'Wow God placed this man in my path.' Just prior to going to rehab I confessed Jesus as my Lord and Todd Box re-baptized me. This time it was different. I knew without a doubt that things were going to change despite what I could see. I left my program convinced that I could keep Bill clean. But I began to self destruct and violated a court order and disappeared with my soon to be ex-husband for 4 months. Within 2 weeks I was strung out on crack cocaine again! A $500 a week job for both Bill and I, a $300 a week motel room, and $700 a night for crack. One Saturday morning there I sat broke, wondering why I was there, realizing he did not love me and that I deserved to be loved. With a motion to terminate parental rights in the proceedings, I stayed 30 more days cleaning up, then I packed my clothes. I went to work, gave my boss a change of address and asked him to mail me my check, and I finally left Bill. Basically it was just me and God and I talked to him everyday. I discovered the next court date was 1 week away before they would terminate all parental rights. I showed up, prayed and asked for my children's voices to be heard. I initiated counseling services again and attended outpatient therapy 3 days a week. I completed nurturing parenting classes, responsibility parenting, and parent education group to teach us about sexual abuse recognizing/reporting. I attended AA meetings, worked a full-time job and paid for random UAs and hair follicle tests. I did all this walking and riding the bus. I had this overwhelming fear every time I walked to court alone. I knew that this could be the moment when the courts would confirm what I had already believed--that I was not good enough."
To be continued.
(Part One) http://adisciplesthoughts.blogspot.com/2009/11/i-found-savior-part-one.html
(Part Two) http://adisciplesthoughts.blogspot.com/2009/11/i-found-savior-part-two.html.
"Bill and I found ourselves with nowhere to go. Wandering the streets trying to figure out a plan, I saw this church and said that we should go there and ask if they could help us. Reluctantly Bill followed and the church was Contact Church of Christ. When I contacted the church, Sarge told me the man I needed to talk to was Todd Box. When this man walked in he said, 'Hey I know you, you were my boss over at Sonic." This was amazing. I thought, 'Wow God placed this man in my path.' Just prior to going to rehab I confessed Jesus as my Lord and Todd Box re-baptized me. This time it was different. I knew without a doubt that things were going to change despite what I could see. I left my program convinced that I could keep Bill clean. But I began to self destruct and violated a court order and disappeared with my soon to be ex-husband for 4 months. Within 2 weeks I was strung out on crack cocaine again! A $500 a week job for both Bill and I, a $300 a week motel room, and $700 a night for crack. One Saturday morning there I sat broke, wondering why I was there, realizing he did not love me and that I deserved to be loved. With a motion to terminate parental rights in the proceedings, I stayed 30 more days cleaning up, then I packed my clothes. I went to work, gave my boss a change of address and asked him to mail me my check, and I finally left Bill. Basically it was just me and God and I talked to him everyday. I discovered the next court date was 1 week away before they would terminate all parental rights. I showed up, prayed and asked for my children's voices to be heard. I initiated counseling services again and attended outpatient therapy 3 days a week. I completed nurturing parenting classes, responsibility parenting, and parent education group to teach us about sexual abuse recognizing/reporting. I attended AA meetings, worked a full-time job and paid for random UAs and hair follicle tests. I did all this walking and riding the bus. I had this overwhelming fear every time I walked to court alone. I knew that this could be the moment when the courts would confirm what I had already believed--that I was not good enough."
To be continued.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Before You File for Divorce
...understand that the constant prayer of your children will be, "God, please bring my mom and dad back together again." Please don't give them a reason to say that prayer.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Poverty
"The poor you will always have with you..." (Matthew 26:11).
I have been thinking about Jesus' comment that we will always have the poor with us. Why would he say that?
I have come to believe that Jesus considered poverty a perpetual problem in this life because of its multifaceted and complex causes. This is a list of a few of the causes of poverty that I have observed over the years:
1. Disabilities. People with mental, physical, and emotional disabilities can have a difficult time finding and retaining jobs that pay living wages. Their disabilities may be congenital, or they may be due to injury. A mentally retarded man will not make good wages, no matter how hard he works. A wheelchair-bound woman with ALS will not be able to work. A man with schizophrenia will have great difficulty retaining his job. Furthermore, as much as they need it, those with disabilities will find it more difficult to find a job that offers health care benefits.
2. Dysfunctional Families/Divorce. Unstable families, divorce, and couples who live together outside of marriage create disadvantaged children. These children grow up dealing with issues of distrust and insecurity. Often, they deal with depression and the cultivation of unhealthy relationships. They look for love, but tend to find it in the wrong places. They can have emotional scars that hinder their ability to make wise choices in life. They are more likely to repeat the sins of their parents and repeat the cycle for the next generation. Since divorce and single parenthood disrupts family income, poverty often follows.
When a child grows up physically, sexually, or emotionally abused, the impact follows him or her throughout life. They will be prone to depression or to violence or to both. They will be haunted by their past. It will be terribly hard for them to make wise decisions about their future as they run from their past. Suicide is a strong temptation in their worldview. They do not have the strength to fight their battles alone. They were robbed of their dignity in childhood. They will face very difficult days as adults. Their finances are merely one of their problems.
3. Drug and Alcohol Abuse. Drug addicts and drunkards have very difficult lives. They do not enjoy healthy relationships. They have trouble finding and maintaining good jobs. Sometimes the drug and alcohol abuse starts as a result of the first two causes of poverty. They try to self-medicate in an effort to escape their problems of physical, emotional, or mental pain. Sometimes the addiction starts because of an effort to fit in with friends who are abusing drugs and alcohol. They make irrationally bad choices. In either case, drug and alcohol abuse does nothing but harm. Furthermore, if they become sober after spending time in jail or prison, the likelihood of ever finding a job paying above minimum wage is almost non-existent.
So do we give up on people in these kinds of situations? No. We come alongside them and become their friends. We share our time, resources, advice, and faith. They need true friends. They need the hope that comes from Christ. They need a new start to life, and the encouragement to persevere when the times get tough. Wealthier Christians do not need to passively shake their heads in sadness over their plights. Everyone can help in some way.
I have been thinking about Jesus' comment that we will always have the poor with us. Why would he say that?
I have come to believe that Jesus considered poverty a perpetual problem in this life because of its multifaceted and complex causes. This is a list of a few of the causes of poverty that I have observed over the years:
1. Disabilities. People with mental, physical, and emotional disabilities can have a difficult time finding and retaining jobs that pay living wages. Their disabilities may be congenital, or they may be due to injury. A mentally retarded man will not make good wages, no matter how hard he works. A wheelchair-bound woman with ALS will not be able to work. A man with schizophrenia will have great difficulty retaining his job. Furthermore, as much as they need it, those with disabilities will find it more difficult to find a job that offers health care benefits.
2. Dysfunctional Families/Divorce. Unstable families, divorce, and couples who live together outside of marriage create disadvantaged children. These children grow up dealing with issues of distrust and insecurity. Often, they deal with depression and the cultivation of unhealthy relationships. They look for love, but tend to find it in the wrong places. They can have emotional scars that hinder their ability to make wise choices in life. They are more likely to repeat the sins of their parents and repeat the cycle for the next generation. Since divorce and single parenthood disrupts family income, poverty often follows.
When a child grows up physically, sexually, or emotionally abused, the impact follows him or her throughout life. They will be prone to depression or to violence or to both. They will be haunted by their past. It will be terribly hard for them to make wise decisions about their future as they run from their past. Suicide is a strong temptation in their worldview. They do not have the strength to fight their battles alone. They were robbed of their dignity in childhood. They will face very difficult days as adults. Their finances are merely one of their problems.
3. Drug and Alcohol Abuse. Drug addicts and drunkards have very difficult lives. They do not enjoy healthy relationships. They have trouble finding and maintaining good jobs. Sometimes the drug and alcohol abuse starts as a result of the first two causes of poverty. They try to self-medicate in an effort to escape their problems of physical, emotional, or mental pain. Sometimes the addiction starts because of an effort to fit in with friends who are abusing drugs and alcohol. They make irrationally bad choices. In either case, drug and alcohol abuse does nothing but harm. Furthermore, if they become sober after spending time in jail or prison, the likelihood of ever finding a job paying above minimum wage is almost non-existent.
So do we give up on people in these kinds of situations? No. We come alongside them and become their friends. We share our time, resources, advice, and faith. They need true friends. They need the hope that comes from Christ. They need a new start to life, and the encouragement to persevere when the times get tough. Wealthier Christians do not need to passively shake their heads in sadness over their plights. Everyone can help in some way.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Tender Hearts in the Church
"Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment!" (James 2:12-13)
The following is an excerpt from our minister Ron Babbit's newsletter to supporters of his ministry with the Contact Church of Christ. The Contact Church is an urban ministry, dependent upon the support of individual Christians and congregations who want to support mission work in the inner city of Tulsa, Oklahoma.
"Please read below and 'listen' to a battle of the heart. This is often true of the lives that walk the halls at Contact Church. GOD keeps sending hearts who are searching for acceptance, answers, healing and direction in their lives...
"'Dear Mama, I really don't know where to begin. All I do know is I love you very much and wish things could have been different. The reason I'm writing this letter is to let you know how your drinking, drugging and choices have affected my life and how it affected the choices I've made. They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but sometimes it leaves you very scared, confused, and lonely. Sometimes trying to carry out your own death. I can remember the fight when I was about 5 or 6 years old. It's so loud! Screaming, yelling, and you breaking all the dishes. Me, I'm screaming and crying and covering my ears. You guys are so lost in whatever you're fighting about that I feel scared for you, and for me. I'm ignored, maybe I don't matter, but you do, you are my mommy. It's all those big parties at our house. A lot of drinking, drugging and fighting. With me and my siblings, the drinking would start and the fear would kick in because we knew what was coming. So we seemed to act accordingly, arguing, fighting to get attention because we are ignored...By 8 or 9 years of age, I'm already comfortable with the inconsistent chaos in my life. I'm angry and hurt, lonely, afraid and unimportant. I'm to blame and I'm also powerless. I must do what you say when you tell me and not have any feelings or responses or reactions to it or I will be punished. You told me to tell the truth but then taught me to deny my reality. I had valid feelings and you told me to dry it up and stop crying. So I learned to suppress my emotions to the point that I couldn't even figure out any one single emotion. When men started molesting me, I couldn't tell you the truth because I might be punished or you wouldn't believe me. I just needed to talk to you without fear. I needed you so bad and you weren't available. I watched you become something I couldn't attach to! I tried several times seeking that bond with you, the need to be loved, comforted, held and accepted. Somehow I just wasn't good enough. At age 12 you sent me away...I was the problem and if I would go away then everyone else would be happy. Thus I have lived my life feeling responsible for others' behaviors. I've let others' opinions play a huge part in my decisions in life. I finally stopped trying to reach out to you because I was rejected, abandoned and hurt by you! Then I started reaching out to guys because I could give them what they wanted and briefly get a little of what I needed. But it was never enough to take it away.
"'By age 15, full of anger, I was seeking men, drugs, alcohol, attempted suicide, all temporary releases of emotions. All to change the way I feel. By the age of 20, I married someone who didn't drink or do drugs. Surely he was my Knight in Shining Armor. Maybe, but by now I'm the Queen of Chaos. I did everything to destroy that because I couldn't live in a nice stable, drug-free home with family who talked to each other and expressed healthy emotions and trusted one another. Of course I blamed them for everything...When that marriage ended, I was even more abandoned...I tried to take my own life. I had absolutely no value then. But I had my boys who I wanted to be a good mommy to. I read everything I could and I began to fight for them to protect them.
"' I met someone who would abuse me physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. That's what I thought I deserved. Over 8 years of time, I would lose my boys, give birth to 2 girls, get married, get my boys back, loose all my children, drinking, drugging, fight, scream, yet hate myself, hate him and neglect my children. All during this, I was searching for GOD. Seeking to stay clean, fighting to stay alive, and fighting for my children to be heard. All the while I was fighting for me to be heard, I suffered broken bones. While pregnant I was kicked many times, choked numerous times, and had my life threatened daily. I have successfully created the chaos and the neglect and the emotionally hostile environment. I seriously wanted to change the way I felt the whole time.
"'Finally when my girls were molested, I gave up the fight. I called for help. The only way I know how to live is with the drinking, drugging, fighting, emotional and verbal abuse. I'm at present making better choices, leaving my husband who has no desire to change his life. I have committed my life to the LORD by being baptized into CHRIST. I got my 2 girls back and they are living with me and I am in the process of receiving my education.'
(Ron Babbit concludes with his own comments)
"Thanks for praying for the Contact family. Our friend travels by public transportation and some of the Contact family members are also stepping up, getting involved, helping with transportation and loving others. Since our friend isn't bashful, she has invited many to services and we are currently reading the WORD with other families because of her love for the LORD. Praise GOD for HIS healing of her heart. Thanks again for your partnership of souls. GOD bless you. We love you,
Ron and Judy Babbit"
Thanks for reading this post! If you are a supporter of the Babbits or our other ministers, thanks for the support!
The following is an excerpt from our minister Ron Babbit's newsletter to supporters of his ministry with the Contact Church of Christ. The Contact Church is an urban ministry, dependent upon the support of individual Christians and congregations who want to support mission work in the inner city of Tulsa, Oklahoma.
"Please read below and 'listen' to a battle of the heart. This is often true of the lives that walk the halls at Contact Church. GOD keeps sending hearts who are searching for acceptance, answers, healing and direction in their lives...
"'Dear Mama, I really don't know where to begin. All I do know is I love you very much and wish things could have been different. The reason I'm writing this letter is to let you know how your drinking, drugging and choices have affected my life and how it affected the choices I've made. They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but sometimes it leaves you very scared, confused, and lonely. Sometimes trying to carry out your own death. I can remember the fight when I was about 5 or 6 years old. It's so loud! Screaming, yelling, and you breaking all the dishes. Me, I'm screaming and crying and covering my ears. You guys are so lost in whatever you're fighting about that I feel scared for you, and for me. I'm ignored, maybe I don't matter, but you do, you are my mommy. It's all those big parties at our house. A lot of drinking, drugging and fighting. With me and my siblings, the drinking would start and the fear would kick in because we knew what was coming. So we seemed to act accordingly, arguing, fighting to get attention because we are ignored...By 8 or 9 years of age, I'm already comfortable with the inconsistent chaos in my life. I'm angry and hurt, lonely, afraid and unimportant. I'm to blame and I'm also powerless. I must do what you say when you tell me and not have any feelings or responses or reactions to it or I will be punished. You told me to tell the truth but then taught me to deny my reality. I had valid feelings and you told me to dry it up and stop crying. So I learned to suppress my emotions to the point that I couldn't even figure out any one single emotion. When men started molesting me, I couldn't tell you the truth because I might be punished or you wouldn't believe me. I just needed to talk to you without fear. I needed you so bad and you weren't available. I watched you become something I couldn't attach to! I tried several times seeking that bond with you, the need to be loved, comforted, held and accepted. Somehow I just wasn't good enough. At age 12 you sent me away...I was the problem and if I would go away then everyone else would be happy. Thus I have lived my life feeling responsible for others' behaviors. I've let others' opinions play a huge part in my decisions in life. I finally stopped trying to reach out to you because I was rejected, abandoned and hurt by you! Then I started reaching out to guys because I could give them what they wanted and briefly get a little of what I needed. But it was never enough to take it away.
"'By age 15, full of anger, I was seeking men, drugs, alcohol, attempted suicide, all temporary releases of emotions. All to change the way I feel. By the age of 20, I married someone who didn't drink or do drugs. Surely he was my Knight in Shining Armor. Maybe, but by now I'm the Queen of Chaos. I did everything to destroy that because I couldn't live in a nice stable, drug-free home with family who talked to each other and expressed healthy emotions and trusted one another. Of course I blamed them for everything...When that marriage ended, I was even more abandoned...I tried to take my own life. I had absolutely no value then. But I had my boys who I wanted to be a good mommy to. I read everything I could and I began to fight for them to protect them.
"' I met someone who would abuse me physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. That's what I thought I deserved. Over 8 years of time, I would lose my boys, give birth to 2 girls, get married, get my boys back, loose all my children, drinking, drugging, fight, scream, yet hate myself, hate him and neglect my children. All during this, I was searching for GOD. Seeking to stay clean, fighting to stay alive, and fighting for my children to be heard. All the while I was fighting for me to be heard, I suffered broken bones. While pregnant I was kicked many times, choked numerous times, and had my life threatened daily. I have successfully created the chaos and the neglect and the emotionally hostile environment. I seriously wanted to change the way I felt the whole time.
"'Finally when my girls were molested, I gave up the fight. I called for help. The only way I know how to live is with the drinking, drugging, fighting, emotional and verbal abuse. I'm at present making better choices, leaving my husband who has no desire to change his life. I have committed my life to the LORD by being baptized into CHRIST. I got my 2 girls back and they are living with me and I am in the process of receiving my education.'
(Ron Babbit concludes with his own comments)
"Thanks for praying for the Contact family. Our friend travels by public transportation and some of the Contact family members are also stepping up, getting involved, helping with transportation and loving others. Since our friend isn't bashful, she has invited many to services and we are currently reading the WORD with other families because of her love for the LORD. Praise GOD for HIS healing of her heart. Thanks again for your partnership of souls. GOD bless you. We love you,
Ron and Judy Babbit"
Thanks for reading this post! If you are a supporter of the Babbits or our other ministers, thanks for the support!
Friday, September 26, 2008
Fireproof
"However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband" (Ephesians 5:33).
We saw a good romantic movie this afternoon. Fireproof tells the story of a firefighter and his wife who are going through difficult times in their marriage. The husband neglects his wife, saves his money for his own entertainment, ignores his wife's needs, is addicted to Internet pornography, and demands respect from his wife. The wife disrespects her husband, engages in a flirtatious emotional affair with a co-worker, whines about her husband's lack of communication, and pursues a divorce.
In an effort to save his marriage, the firefighter seeks his father's advice. The father encourages his son to take a 40-day love dare, in which the son learns to selflessly seek to meet the needs of his wife. When the dare is not working at the midway point, the son nearly gives up in frustration. He is tired of trying to gain his wife's love. His father explains that he needs Christ's help, the help of the One who knows what it is like to pursue the love of ungrateful and selfish people. The firefighter realizes that he has been selfish. He becomes a believer in Christ and seeks to show his wife unselfish love from that point on, seeking but not demanding her love in return.
I will not give away the end of the story, but it has a few surprising twists with themes respecting marriage,unconditional love, and parents.
The movie was made on a small budget with mostly amateur actors and actresses, but it was emotionally engaging with its good storyline. Guys, your wives will love this movie. Take her out and enjoy yourselves.
We saw a good romantic movie this afternoon. Fireproof tells the story of a firefighter and his wife who are going through difficult times in their marriage. The husband neglects his wife, saves his money for his own entertainment, ignores his wife's needs, is addicted to Internet pornography, and demands respect from his wife. The wife disrespects her husband, engages in a flirtatious emotional affair with a co-worker, whines about her husband's lack of communication, and pursues a divorce.
In an effort to save his marriage, the firefighter seeks his father's advice. The father encourages his son to take a 40-day love dare, in which the son learns to selflessly seek to meet the needs of his wife. When the dare is not working at the midway point, the son nearly gives up in frustration. He is tired of trying to gain his wife's love. His father explains that he needs Christ's help, the help of the One who knows what it is like to pursue the love of ungrateful and selfish people. The firefighter realizes that he has been selfish. He becomes a believer in Christ and seeks to show his wife unselfish love from that point on, seeking but not demanding her love in return.
I will not give away the end of the story, but it has a few surprising twists with themes respecting marriage,unconditional love, and parents.
The movie was made on a small budget with mostly amateur actors and actresses, but it was emotionally engaging with its good storyline. Guys, your wives will love this movie. Take her out and enjoy yourselves.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Families and Poverty
"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
"Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.
"Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord.
"Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged" (Colossians 3:18-21, NKJV).
Earlier this week, I heard a radio news report which stated that the state of Oklahoma spends hundreds of millions of dollars annually fighting poverty caused by divorce and out-of-wedlock births.
Today, I received a letter from FamilyLife with these striking statistics:
*41% of married couples today admit to infidelity
*57% of men admit they've committed infidelity in every relationship they've had
*54% of women admit the same
*40% of children today will grow up without a father in the home
*A recently divorced man is nearly 9 times more likely to commit suicide than his female counterpart
Although I'm not an expert in this field, my personal observations do not conflict with what I have been hearing and reading this week. After 7 years of volunteering in urban ministry, I have a difficult time thinking of many intact families who are living in poverty unless they are dealing with physical or mental health problems. Adultery, divorce, and single-parent households seem to be normal among the poor, the middle-class, and the wealthy.
People are hurting. They are living with the bitterness of betrayal and abandonment. They are living with the guilt of betraying their spouses and abandoning their families. They do not know how to raise their children alone. They do not know how to love and respect their husbands and wives. They do not know how to honor their parents who have made mistakes. Their relationships are frayed; and it has affected them emotionally, socially, and spiritually.
People need good news. They need forgiveness and an opportunity to start life over. They need hope. They need to learn biblical principles concerning life and relationships. They need Christ.
Christians and churches have been called by God to help meet these needs.
"Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.
"Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord.
"Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged" (Colossians 3:18-21, NKJV).
Earlier this week, I heard a radio news report which stated that the state of Oklahoma spends hundreds of millions of dollars annually fighting poverty caused by divorce and out-of-wedlock births.
Today, I received a letter from FamilyLife with these striking statistics:
*41% of married couples today admit to infidelity
*57% of men admit they've committed infidelity in every relationship they've had
*54% of women admit the same
*40% of children today will grow up without a father in the home
*A recently divorced man is nearly 9 times more likely to commit suicide than his female counterpart
Although I'm not an expert in this field, my personal observations do not conflict with what I have been hearing and reading this week. After 7 years of volunteering in urban ministry, I have a difficult time thinking of many intact families who are living in poverty unless they are dealing with physical or mental health problems. Adultery, divorce, and single-parent households seem to be normal among the poor, the middle-class, and the wealthy.
People are hurting. They are living with the bitterness of betrayal and abandonment. They are living with the guilt of betraying their spouses and abandoning their families. They do not know how to raise their children alone. They do not know how to love and respect their husbands and wives. They do not know how to honor their parents who have made mistakes. Their relationships are frayed; and it has affected them emotionally, socially, and spiritually.
People need good news. They need forgiveness and an opportunity to start life over. They need hope. They need to learn biblical principles concerning life and relationships. They need Christ.
Christians and churches have been called by God to help meet these needs.
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