I've been involved in an urban ministry for approximately 10 years now. As I've been thinking about the last decade, I've been thinking about how naive I was when my wife and I first volunteered. Although I continue to have much to learn, I thought it would be a good time to write down a few of the lessons I've learned over the last several years. These are personal observations. They may or may not reflect the findings of social scientists or the views of others with experience in urban ministry.
1. Serve the children for their sake, not in order to reach their parents. Most children will come to the church's activities and worship assemblies without their parents. They will be attracted to a safe and fun environment in which they are supervised and guided by caring adults. They will be open to biblical teaching that can serve as the foundation for lives devoted to following Christ. They deserve attention simply because they bear the image of God, not because they can be used to lure their parents to the church.
2. Teaching a man to fish is not enough. Years ago, poverty-fighting ministries discovered that providing the necessities of life to the poor accomplished little long-term good. Such aid is always necessary, especially for children and the mentally and physically disabled; but those ministries discovered that they needed to connect the poor with jobs if they ever hoped to enable them to overcome poverty.
In many cases, however, the lack of employment and necessities of life are not the causes of poverty. They are the results. More often, poverty finds its roots in:
1. Drug and alcohol abuse. Addicts can have a hard time finding and maintaining employment. Many companies require drug tests before hiring a new employee. No company can afford to keep an employee forever who fails to do an adequate job because of drunkenness and drug-induced highs.
2. Family disintegration. Fornication, adultery, and divorce lead to multiple children born to young mothers who cannot support them. Fathers--and sometimes mothers--abandon their roles and responsibilities. Familial violence, physical abuse, and sexual abuse can scar a child for life. He or she will grow up without developing healthy social and coping skills. Anger and other negative emotions can control this individual, making it difficult for him or her to get along with others. He or she will have a hard time submitting to the authority of an employer, making steady employment an elusive goal. Even worse, he or she is likely to pass down these same problems to the next generation.
Urban ministries can do a great deal of preventative good by teaching the importance of self-control and sexual integrity.
3. Friendships are crucial. Broken people cannot simply be told to get their lives together. Like every one of us, they need the emotional support and encouragement of good friends as they make positive changes and learn to follow Christ. We need to be patient with each other. We need to challenge each other. We need to enjoy time with each other. We need our Bible studies and prayer meetings. We need to be able to confess our sins and to seek help from each other. Good friends give us the support we need to become what we were intended to be.
4. Good theology is essential. An accurate view of God, oneself, and others goes a long way in prompting us to make good choices. We need to see God as omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent, holy, just, merciful, and sovereign. We need to see ourselves as flawed and in need of God's grace. We need to respect the completely justified wrath of God and the completely gracious gift of salvation through Jesus Christ's death and resurrection. We must recognize that we are in over our heads in a mess of sins--our own sins and the sins of those around us. We can't really make any progress of any lasting value without faith in the God worthy of our trust.
Showing posts with label Self-Control. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Self-Control. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Sunday, April 04, 2010
A Good Way to Relate to People Who Don't Share Your Christian Convictions
In addition to co-hosting the FamilyLife Today radio program, Bob Lepine serves as a pastor of Redeemer Community Church in Little Rock, Arkansas. Each week, he writes something for the church's blog (http://redeemerlr.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=section&layout=blog&id=8&Itemid=50). This is a portion from his excellent post on March 31, 2010:
"After I had finished speaking last week at the TrueWoman10 conference in Chattanooga, I had a wife come up to me seeking counsel. It was obvious that God had been stirring in her own heart at this event. But as she contemplated going home, she was discouraged.
"Her husband, she said, professes faith in Christ, but his life doesn't match his profession. She finds herself conflicted between wanting to live a life that is wholly consecrated to Christ and a desire to live in oneness with her husband. What should she do?
"I gave her some general counsel about not compromising her faith, while seeking to win her husband without a word. Mary Ann and I prayed for her, and we were done.
"Later, I thought about what I wished I had told her.
"I wish I had told her that her holiness matters to God and she should seek to live a life that is righteous, morally upright and blameless. At the same time she should be careful not to parade her holiness before her husband. God cares about her obedience to Him. But her desire for holiness isn't what will make her walk with Christ attractive to her husband.
"Instead, it is as her life manifests the fruit of the Spirit--love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control--that her husband will see in her qualities that he desires to be true in his own life.
"God does indeed care about her moral convictions and standards, but her husband won't. He will not be impressed by the things she says 'no' to.
"But as she kindly, compassionately, humbly loves and serves him, looking for ways to bless him and support him and encourage him, he'll find himself being drawn to the Christ he sees in her.
"I believe that principle is true in all of our relationships with people who don't share our spiritual convictions. They won't be drawn to Christ primarily because our arguments for the Christian life make sense to them. And they won't be drawn to Christ because we live lives with a commitment to a higher moral standard than they do.
"Ultimately, the only thing that will draw them to Christ is the Spirit of God working through the word of God. Faith comes by hearing a message about Christ.
"But when we live lives marked by self-sacrifice and love for others, we show the power of Christ at work in our own lives. And that can help soften the soil of a human heart to make it more ready to receive the seed of God's word when it comes.
"Would the people who know you best--a spouse, your children, family members, co-workers--would they say that you are a person who radiates love? Joy? Peace? Patience? And all the rest?
"The same power that raised Christ from the dead is at work in you. It is His power at work in you that makes it possible for you to live the kind of life that puts His glory and grace on display."
"After I had finished speaking last week at the TrueWoman10 conference in Chattanooga, I had a wife come up to me seeking counsel. It was obvious that God had been stirring in her own heart at this event. But as she contemplated going home, she was discouraged.
"Her husband, she said, professes faith in Christ, but his life doesn't match his profession. She finds herself conflicted between wanting to live a life that is wholly consecrated to Christ and a desire to live in oneness with her husband. What should she do?
"I gave her some general counsel about not compromising her faith, while seeking to win her husband without a word. Mary Ann and I prayed for her, and we were done.
"Later, I thought about what I wished I had told her.
"I wish I had told her that her holiness matters to God and she should seek to live a life that is righteous, morally upright and blameless. At the same time she should be careful not to parade her holiness before her husband. God cares about her obedience to Him. But her desire for holiness isn't what will make her walk with Christ attractive to her husband.
"Instead, it is as her life manifests the fruit of the Spirit--love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control--that her husband will see in her qualities that he desires to be true in his own life.
"God does indeed care about her moral convictions and standards, but her husband won't. He will not be impressed by the things she says 'no' to.
"But as she kindly, compassionately, humbly loves and serves him, looking for ways to bless him and support him and encourage him, he'll find himself being drawn to the Christ he sees in her.
"I believe that principle is true in all of our relationships with people who don't share our spiritual convictions. They won't be drawn to Christ primarily because our arguments for the Christian life make sense to them. And they won't be drawn to Christ because we live lives with a commitment to a higher moral standard than they do.
"Ultimately, the only thing that will draw them to Christ is the Spirit of God working through the word of God. Faith comes by hearing a message about Christ.
"But when we live lives marked by self-sacrifice and love for others, we show the power of Christ at work in our own lives. And that can help soften the soil of a human heart to make it more ready to receive the seed of God's word when it comes.
"Would the people who know you best--a spouse, your children, family members, co-workers--would they say that you are a person who radiates love? Joy? Peace? Patience? And all the rest?
"The same power that raised Christ from the dead is at work in you. It is His power at work in you that makes it possible for you to live the kind of life that puts His glory and grace on display."
Thursday, March 25, 2010
How to Become an Effective Christian
"For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ" (2 Peter 1:5-8).
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Who Does God Want to be Elders?
"This is why I left you in Crete, so that you might put what remained into order, and appoint elders in every town as I directed you--if anyone is above reproach, the husband of one wife, and his children are believers and not open to the charge of debauchery or insubordination. For an overseer, as God's steward, must be above reproach. He must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain, but hospitable, a lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined. He must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound doctrine and also to rebuke those who contradict it" (Titus 1:5-9).
God is looking for men who are above reproach to serve as overseers and pastors in his church. In other words, God insists that a leader in his churches be...
*the husband of one wife. He must be a man who is faithful to his wife. His relationship with his wife will be a model of how Christ loves his church.
*a father whose children are believers and not open to the charge of debauchery or insubordination. He must be one who can lead his children in the right way. (I have read commentaries that downplay this quality in a pastor; but as a father, I have some understanding of why God requires this now. Children do not grow up naturally to be faithful and decent human beings. Fathers need to work to ensure that this happens. Such experience is absolutely required for the work of an overseer.)
*a man who is not arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain. He cannot be one who thinks he knows everything. He cannot walk around with a chip on his shoulder, looking for an argument or a fight. He cannot allow drugs or alcohol to gain control over him. He cannot beat up his wife, his children, or others under his care. He cannot be a man who would cheat or steal or lie in order to get what he wants from another. Such characteristics will destroy a man and the church he is called to care for.
*a man who is hospitable, a lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined. He needs to be a friendly and generous man, a man who will share his time and his resources to benefit another. He must love the good things in life...things like honor, kindness, justice, and purity. He needs to be in control of his actions and reactions. He needs to be stable and reliable. He must be ethical...to the point that others would say that there is something different about him. His honesty should never be questioned by any rational person.
*a man who holds firm to the trustworthy word as taught by the apostles and prophets. He needs to be able to teach healthy doctrine that conforms with the will of God, doctrine that accurately conveys God's message for people within the church and beyond. He will need to be able to handle the word of God with enough expertise to defend it against those who would deny it or try to change it. (An elder may need to challenge a preacher with a doctorate in theology if that preacher is denying such fundamental teachings as the inerrancy of Scripture, the need for faith in Jesus Christ in order to be saved, or the omniscience of God. He needs to be prepared to recognize sound doctrine from unhealthy faith-destroying doctrine; and he needs to have the courage to defend the good and to challenge the bad...even when he must take on a popular false teacher within his congregation.)
Such elders will serve churches well.
God is looking for men who are above reproach to serve as overseers and pastors in his church. In other words, God insists that a leader in his churches be...
*the husband of one wife. He must be a man who is faithful to his wife. His relationship with his wife will be a model of how Christ loves his church.
*a father whose children are believers and not open to the charge of debauchery or insubordination. He must be one who can lead his children in the right way. (I have read commentaries that downplay this quality in a pastor; but as a father, I have some understanding of why God requires this now. Children do not grow up naturally to be faithful and decent human beings. Fathers need to work to ensure that this happens. Such experience is absolutely required for the work of an overseer.)
*a man who is not arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain. He cannot be one who thinks he knows everything. He cannot walk around with a chip on his shoulder, looking for an argument or a fight. He cannot allow drugs or alcohol to gain control over him. He cannot beat up his wife, his children, or others under his care. He cannot be a man who would cheat or steal or lie in order to get what he wants from another. Such characteristics will destroy a man and the church he is called to care for.
*a man who is hospitable, a lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined. He needs to be a friendly and generous man, a man who will share his time and his resources to benefit another. He must love the good things in life...things like honor, kindness, justice, and purity. He needs to be in control of his actions and reactions. He needs to be stable and reliable. He must be ethical...to the point that others would say that there is something different about him. His honesty should never be questioned by any rational person.
*a man who holds firm to the trustworthy word as taught by the apostles and prophets. He needs to be able to teach healthy doctrine that conforms with the will of God, doctrine that accurately conveys God's message for people within the church and beyond. He will need to be able to handle the word of God with enough expertise to defend it against those who would deny it or try to change it. (An elder may need to challenge a preacher with a doctorate in theology if that preacher is denying such fundamental teachings as the inerrancy of Scripture, the need for faith in Jesus Christ in order to be saved, or the omniscience of God. He needs to be prepared to recognize sound doctrine from unhealthy faith-destroying doctrine; and he needs to have the courage to defend the good and to challenge the bad...even when he must take on a popular false teacher within his congregation.)
Such elders will serve churches well.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
The Measure of a Godly Man
"Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness" (Titus 2:2, English Standard Version).
For many years, I ignored this verse. After all, I was not an older man. It simply did not apply to me. Then, a rather obvious thought occurred to me: I'm getting older every day. I need to get ready. God wants to see these qualities developing within me.
God wants me to be sober-minded. He wants me to see my life, my circumstances, and my opportunities clearly. He wants me to have the humility to know my weaknesses and the honesty to know my strengths.
God wants me to be dignified. While he does not want me to be uptight and unapproachable, he wants me to be respectable. He wants me to take my responsibilities to my family, employer, church, and community seriously. He wants me to think, act, and speak with a sense of responsibility and class. A dignified man is a responsible man.
God wants me to be self-controlled. He does not want me to be controlled by mood swings, the expectations of others, drugs or alcohol. He wants me to exhibit gentleness, discipline, and strength of character.
God wants me to be sound in faith. He wants me to trust him and his word. He does not want me to doubt his honesty or his ability to live up to his word. He wants me to trust in Jesus Christ rather than in myself.
God wants me to be sound in love. He wants me to care deeply about the people around me. He wants me to be more concerned about him than about myself. He wants me to open my eyes to the lonely, the disappointed, the abused, the neglected, the depressed, and the suffering people in my sphere of influence; then he wants me to do something about it.
God wants me to be sound in steadfastness. He wants me to keep going when things are not going my way. He wants me to persevere in trying to make a positive difference in this world because he has given me reason to hope for a positive outcome in the end.
God has high expectations for Christian men, but he has provided us with the Holy Spirit, the Scriptures, and the church to help us in meeting those expectations. With his help, we can become who he has called us to be.
For many years, I ignored this verse. After all, I was not an older man. It simply did not apply to me. Then, a rather obvious thought occurred to me: I'm getting older every day. I need to get ready. God wants to see these qualities developing within me.
God wants me to be sober-minded. He wants me to see my life, my circumstances, and my opportunities clearly. He wants me to have the humility to know my weaknesses and the honesty to know my strengths.
God wants me to be dignified. While he does not want me to be uptight and unapproachable, he wants me to be respectable. He wants me to take my responsibilities to my family, employer, church, and community seriously. He wants me to think, act, and speak with a sense of responsibility and class. A dignified man is a responsible man.
God wants me to be self-controlled. He does not want me to be controlled by mood swings, the expectations of others, drugs or alcohol. He wants me to exhibit gentleness, discipline, and strength of character.
God wants me to be sound in faith. He wants me to trust him and his word. He does not want me to doubt his honesty or his ability to live up to his word. He wants me to trust in Jesus Christ rather than in myself.
God wants me to be sound in love. He wants me to care deeply about the people around me. He wants me to be more concerned about him than about myself. He wants me to open my eyes to the lonely, the disappointed, the abused, the neglected, the depressed, and the suffering people in my sphere of influence; then he wants me to do something about it.
God wants me to be sound in steadfastness. He wants me to keep going when things are not going my way. He wants me to persevere in trying to make a positive difference in this world because he has given me reason to hope for a positive outcome in the end.
God has high expectations for Christian men, but he has provided us with the Holy Spirit, the Scriptures, and the church to help us in meeting those expectations. With his help, we can become who he has called us to be.
Sunday, February 08, 2009
What Kind of Old Man Will I Be?
"Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness" (Titus 2:2. English Standard Version).
Nothing may be uglier than a bitter, resentful, arrogant, and defensive old man. (Well, now that I think about it, such women are not exactly a pretty sight either.) I don't want to grow old and be characterized by those qualities. Thankfully, God does not want that for me, either. He has called and empowered me by the Holy Spirit to become a different kind of man.
In being sober-minded, God is calling me to think clearly. He does not want me to think more highly of myself than I should. He does not want me to think more lowly of myself than I should. He wants me to see the good things in life as good, and the evil things in life as evil.
In being dignified, God is calling me to live a life worthy of respect. He wants me to be responsible. He wants me to work hard and to take care of my family. He wants me to pay my taxes and my bills. He wants me to face problems and opposition with poise.
In being self-controlled, God is calling me to restrain my passions from getting out of control. He wants me to use my passions to serve his kingdom and his purposes. He does not want my passions to control me; he wants me to control them for the benefit of others. He does not want me to spend all of my money on myself; he wants me to restrain myself so that I can share with others.
In being sound in faith, God is calling me to trust himself. He wants me to continue to develop a healthy respect for his word and for his ability to control the universe. He does not want me to doubt him; he wants me to trust him.
In being sound in love, God is calling me to consider the needs of other people. He wants me to cultivate healthy relationships with those around me. He wants me to care about people who are struggling. He wants me to appreciate and enjoy the giftedness and successes of others.
In being sound in steadfastness, God is calling me to persevere. He wants me to be tough in facing life's challenges. He wants me to endure, even when things are not looking good. He wants me to continue to love himself and others around me. He wants me to continue to seek the best for those around me. He wants me to continue to be unashamed of Christ and his message. He wants me to continue to be honest, kind, and willing to help. He wants me to continue to find joy and hope in life. He does not want me to give up until the end.
If I follow his instructions, I can grow into the old man that both God and I want me to be.
Nothing may be uglier than a bitter, resentful, arrogant, and defensive old man. (Well, now that I think about it, such women are not exactly a pretty sight either.) I don't want to grow old and be characterized by those qualities. Thankfully, God does not want that for me, either. He has called and empowered me by the Holy Spirit to become a different kind of man.
In being sober-minded, God is calling me to think clearly. He does not want me to think more highly of myself than I should. He does not want me to think more lowly of myself than I should. He wants me to see the good things in life as good, and the evil things in life as evil.
In being dignified, God is calling me to live a life worthy of respect. He wants me to be responsible. He wants me to work hard and to take care of my family. He wants me to pay my taxes and my bills. He wants me to face problems and opposition with poise.
In being self-controlled, God is calling me to restrain my passions from getting out of control. He wants me to use my passions to serve his kingdom and his purposes. He does not want my passions to control me; he wants me to control them for the benefit of others. He does not want me to spend all of my money on myself; he wants me to restrain myself so that I can share with others.
In being sound in faith, God is calling me to trust himself. He wants me to continue to develop a healthy respect for his word and for his ability to control the universe. He does not want me to doubt him; he wants me to trust him.
In being sound in love, God is calling me to consider the needs of other people. He wants me to cultivate healthy relationships with those around me. He wants me to care about people who are struggling. He wants me to appreciate and enjoy the giftedness and successes of others.
In being sound in steadfastness, God is calling me to persevere. He wants me to be tough in facing life's challenges. He wants me to endure, even when things are not looking good. He wants me to continue to love himself and others around me. He wants me to continue to seek the best for those around me. He wants me to continue to be unashamed of Christ and his message. He wants me to continue to be honest, kind, and willing to help. He wants me to continue to find joy and hope in life. He does not want me to give up until the end.
If I follow his instructions, I can grow into the old man that both God and I want me to be.
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Leadership Lessons from the Elections
"The world belongs to the enthusiast who keeps his cool" (Sign outside a United Methodist Church in Jenks, Oklahoma).
As a husband, father, and Bible teacher, I have some leadership responsibilities. As such, I look for ways to improve as a leader. As I have paid attention to the elections this year, I have noticed an interesting contrast in a couple of the candidates that could help me as I seek to lead my family and others in a better manner.
President-elect Barack Obama never lost his cool during the campaign. He never became flustered. He never appeared irritable. He may have been surprised, but he never panicked. As a result, when crises came, he instilled confidence in his supporters. He infected them with his sense of confidence. They felt prepared to handle anything, because he seemed to be so strong.
On the other hand, Governor Sarah Palin appeared defensive and insecure, especially when questioned by the media. When Katie Couric asked her a simple question about the magazines she reads, Governor Palin seemed strangely evasive and defensive. Even her staunchest supporters were at a loss to explain her behavior. As a result, they became defensive and insecure. As they sensed her weakness, they became weak and unstable.
This observation has tremendous implications for anyone in any position of leadership, but I want to apply it to the family. In order to have a strong family, I need to be stable and self-controlled. If I give in to irritability, anxiety, and a defensive mindset, I become an unhealthy influence on those who depend on me. We, as a family, will be positioned for failure. If I approach challenges with a sense of confidence and self-control, I become a healthy influence,
and my family is positioned to succeed.
The same could be said for an employer, manager, elder, deacon, minister, coach, teacher, or a leader in another field.
Good leaders remain calm and self-controlled as they confront problems and issues. When they do, they inspire the confidence others need to tackle those problems and issues together with them.
As a husband, father, and Bible teacher, I have some leadership responsibilities. As such, I look for ways to improve as a leader. As I have paid attention to the elections this year, I have noticed an interesting contrast in a couple of the candidates that could help me as I seek to lead my family and others in a better manner.
President-elect Barack Obama never lost his cool during the campaign. He never became flustered. He never appeared irritable. He may have been surprised, but he never panicked. As a result, when crises came, he instilled confidence in his supporters. He infected them with his sense of confidence. They felt prepared to handle anything, because he seemed to be so strong.
On the other hand, Governor Sarah Palin appeared defensive and insecure, especially when questioned by the media. When Katie Couric asked her a simple question about the magazines she reads, Governor Palin seemed strangely evasive and defensive. Even her staunchest supporters were at a loss to explain her behavior. As a result, they became defensive and insecure. As they sensed her weakness, they became weak and unstable.
This observation has tremendous implications for anyone in any position of leadership, but I want to apply it to the family. In order to have a strong family, I need to be stable and self-controlled. If I give in to irritability, anxiety, and a defensive mindset, I become an unhealthy influence on those who depend on me. We, as a family, will be positioned for failure. If I approach challenges with a sense of confidence and self-control, I become a healthy influence,
and my family is positioned to succeed.
The same could be said for an employer, manager, elder, deacon, minister, coach, teacher, or a leader in another field.
Good leaders remain calm and self-controlled as they confront problems and issues. When they do, they inspire the confidence others need to tackle those problems and issues together with them.
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